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I’m not easily “woo-ed” 😉
I’m around BSers all day, I can smell one from across the room.
Sac – Everyone has their weak points, that’s why we need Siyatah D’shmya! In the frum world, the ones I’ve seen throwing a lot of money around – are the two-faced guys. I’m sure every girl wants to be wined and dined, but there are ways to have nice dates without spending a lot of money. As matter of fact, the guys I know/knew who spend/spent a lot of money on their dates didn’t make better husbands and some made horrible husbands.
I get a kick out of a lot of the married guys in my town who buy their wives flowers for Shabbos. Not that I’m against buying your wife flowers, I just think it’s very silly that they get everything from their wife, eg. house, car, furniture, etc. and they think they’re great husbands by buying a little flowers.
I got next to nothing from my wife’s family -well, maybe next time, BE’H B’korov.
a basement? *shudder*
Sac, you surprise me. For the right one, I’d have expected you to say, you’d live in a cardboard box under the freeway!
(Then, for your 1st anniversary, you can move into the lux digs you both deserve)
“For the right one, I’d have expected you to say, you’d live in a cardboard box under the freeway!”
That desperate I’m not.
Like a fine wine I get better with age. Someone better snatch me soon before I demand an address on Park Avenue 😉
“Like a fine wine I get better with age.” – IE – more demanding.
People who are demanding, become more demanding as time goes by. This occurs regardless of the person’s marital status.
The guy should have said there is an issur of baal tashchis to spend money on the tunnel instead of taking the bridge. he obviously felt hurt by what the girl said so he had to be nasty, it shows that he is not a good person to want to get married to.
The girl is outright stupid. Why would she prefer a guy who wastes money. Her priorities are way off the good mark.
His behaviour shows that he lacked sensitivity and was prepared to hurt her feeling in retalliation for her having hurt his. HMM sound like a case of Lo Sikom.
Not a good Jewish story. Too many NY materialistic vibes imbibed by both.
If either of you are reading this, I suggest getting a translated version of mesilas Yeshorim and read it seriously. When you are done, try dating again.
nosson, both of them are not good people to want to marry. and it has nothing to do with ny. materialistic is a vice found far more often outside of that city that has more Torah observant jews than any other in the country.
At least I havent lost my sense of humor.
binahyeseira:
why does love and appreciation have to expressed through all these gifts? The only thing this shows is that he’s got money to spend, not that he cares about you in slightest.
And if you were a guy, you would understand what we’re saying on the “shidduchim and weight” topic. But I’m not a girl, and I don’t see how chocolate and flowers show you anything but the guy’s finances, and certainly not his deepest feelings. Sounds pretty shallow to me. (Which, as I was pointed out before, is exactly the type of thing that everybody was bashing on the “shidduchim and weight” topic.
Then shouldn’t she be getting him chocolate and flowers too?
mw – you’re right; girls do not understand how guys think, and that is why we have to consistently re-listen to such shiurim as Rabbi Orlowek on platonic relationships and Gila Manosohn on tznius.
and i’m not at all saying that it’s shallow to care about looks – most of us do. what i didn’t like was when people erroneously seemed to be saying that all guys are only attracted to slim girls. first of all, some guys (maybe less than average) really are more attracted to girls who are not anorexic looking. second of all, the way it was being discussed was offensive – we all have different tastes, and if i was a shadchan, i’d be very interested in knowing what exactly each person found attractive, but on a thread where a girl was discussing her problem, i didn’t feel it was nice for people to discuss the “looks” they found attractive. furthermore, when people discuss just the looks without the most important thing – middos, it is demeaning.
which goes back to your complaint against what i said. first of all, i was talking about chocolate and flowers in a marriage! it’s much cheaper than jewelry, which he should buy if he could afford to. second of all, girls (women, whatever?) are also not always purely spiritual human beings. but you’re right, chocolate and flowers without love and mentchlichkeit is nothing, but with good middos, etc. – it shows a woman that the guy cares about her. (though for different girls, it could be different things – point is girls in general like romance – IN MARRIAGE (i’m not talking about dating, engagement, etc. – there is whole other issue, depending on where you’re coming from and who you are).
and, of course, girl should give guy to – but, from my understanding, chocolate and flowers won’t do the trick. however, a good, yummy meal may be more appreciated. but i could be wrong, as i am not a guy.
I have to agree with BY. We don’t have a lot of money for extras, but just knowing that my husband was thinking of me while he was shopping is a great feeling. He hardly ever comes home from the supermarket without my favorite chocolate or some other little treat, and even though there’s nothing fancy about it and I know it hardly cost him, it still feels wonderful.
“That desperate I’m not”
Trust me, Sac. When the right one comes along (soon, I hope!) you’ll feel like you’re living in on Park Ave, no matter where your 1st apt is.
Still, Park Ave? I’d have thought you would want to stay north of Flushing Ave.
Oh well. Its your choice. The upside? When the CR has a chasseneh at the Rose Castle, we can pop in for a visit!
binayeseira:
“i was talking about chocolate and flowers in a marriage!”
Perhaps you were, but others most certainly weren’t. They were talking about throwing money at the girl while dating.
“and i’m not at all saying that it’s shallow to care about looks – most of us do… girls (women, whatever?) are also not always purely spiritual human beings.”
I agree with that – that at the end of the day, externals do have a legitimate role to play in shidduchim. (Now obviously the internals should be the main focus, but the externals are important in forming an attraction.) However, some on the “shidduchim and weight” thread seemed to be disgusted by the very thought of externals playing a role in shidduchim; and I wonder what they would say about chocolate, flowers and the whole “he should throw money at her” concept in general. If looks have no place in shidduchim (which I do not hold), then “wooing” should have no role either.
bpt
LOL! Park Avenue in the borough of Manhattan.
okay mw – we agree.
Glad to hear it.
“Park Avenue in the borough of Manhattan”
Duh. Still, for the right guy….?
Would the right guy ask me to move to Williamsburg?
Think about it.
hey Sac you never know 😉
” Think about it. “
Hmm.. lets see; shpitzl, bulletproof 70s, white apron,
On 2nd thought, maybe not exactly what the Dr ordered.
OTOH, North of the bridge, along the waterfront is pretty hip, and I think they even have a Chabad, so efsher doch…
Kidding Sac, just kidding. Your future holds a place and person that’s just up you alley, with no (major) compromises.
And sooner than you think, and when you least expect it!
Amen!
(I hope Hash-m reads the CR)
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