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There’s been a lot of talk regarding unconditionally loving your child and OTD. This isn’t about that. I want to know if you think that one is meant to unconditionally love their spouse. I have seen statements from various contemporary young Rabbis that one should unconditionally love their spouse. I just don’t know if that is reasonable or possible. I mean if the spouse is not being respectful to you and isn’t doing their part or is running up crazy bills or doing other things that is really wrecking the day to day shalom Bayis how can one just be expected to unconditionally love their spouse especially if the spouse isn’t acting that way to us? Maybe I just have the wrong idea about marriage. I’m not married so I can’t speak from experience. I’m just thinking about this from a logical standpoint and it makes no sense to me.
Marriage is about a give and take between spouses with both investing as much as possible at all times. There are obviously different needs and capabilities in a relationship and one spouse may be investing more at any given time. Unconditional love would mean that both would still love and care for each other despite the imbalance.
One should unconditionally love everyone, but love for a child is different and stronger. Love and approval are two very different things.
Technically one should love their spouse more than one’s child. Your spouse comes first
Depends on the age of the child. Minors should come before the spouse. Adult children, it depends on the issues.
True love cannot be measured and should not be compared.
Trust, WIY is right. Love of one’s spouse always comes before love of one’s child. See my previous post.
No, because part of loving your spouse is loving your spouse’sz child.
Loving ur child comes naturally while loving a spouse has to be worked on and cultivated.
Marriage is a give and take. And yes, we all have expectations. But, do we love our spouse because of what we get? Or just because? The more you love your spouse just because, and the more you give (in a healthy relationship the more you give the more your spouse will), the happier and stronger your marriage will be.
This is interesting. I remember hearing from a rabbi once that spouses need to be going/ looking in the same direction for a marriage to work. I think i once understood that, not sure if i still do. Marriage is a commitment. Barring any extremes, youre married for life. May as well give it your all and love your spouse, no?
Making it conditional will not make life happier for you.
The unconditional love in our home was doled out freely by our two mutts.
I love my conditioner and shampoo equally.
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I want to know if you think that one is meant to unconditionally love their spouse”
This is a good question. I think that one ideally should love one’s spouse unconditionally UNDER REASONABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, meaning that the spouse is not being physically and/or emotionally abusive, and that the spouse is upholding the reasonable expectations of being that spouse. Unconditional LOVE is good. Unconditional TOLERANCE (of bad behavior, dishonesty, abuse, untruthfulness,substance abuse etc.) is NOT. You can love someone, but hate some of their actions.
Conditional love is not love. That is for your grocer and delivery boy: according to their output that’s how much regard you have for them. Shalom Bayis means a loving relatioship, not an un-screaming brush-by. If someone is inhibiting that, it should be dealt with.
There is some circular reasoning in the OP. If one is ruining the Shalom Bayis how can you ask if there is supposed to be Shalom Bayis?
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