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Wow. Eclipse… What else is there to say? I really am terrified. Okay, at least I’ll know to daven harder… Thanks for the inspiration!
Health…I hope Hashem answers your prayers l’tovah soon.
In some ways,your tests are harder than mine,because my female friends are very loyal and “there for me”,and men are expected to be practically stoic,I imagine.
s2021:
I just noticed your post about seemingly “ignored” prayers.
I recall once crying thru the whole tehillim before a crucial court date…and being so utterly traumatized by what actually occurred! In fact,the shock had me so dazed,I almost crossed the street outside the courthouse on a red light.
It took a while until I picked up that tehillim again,I almost felt like the heavens were mocking my tefillos,chas v’sholom.
Of course,that was not the case–the heavens were probably crying right along with me.
I eventually realized that I don’t have to “finish the whole tehillim” in one shot,but TEHILLIM IS THE GREATEST SOURCE OF COMFORT FROM WHICH NO THINKING PERSON SHOULD EVER DEPRIVE HIM/HERSELF.
Why those tefillos didn’t do EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED THEM TO DO?
I will find out one day…
Hey everyone, new poster here.
s2021 – I’m following your story (at least on this thread) and am really impressed with how you can wake up in the morning (okay, most mornings) and go on with your life. Do you feel that you gained/grew from the experience in any way, no matter how slight?
If yes, I wonder if you can apply that to your davening question. I can’t put myself in your shoes, but from my own abuse experience (different type though – I’m a guy), that’s one of the things that keeps me going – the knowledge that no matter how much it affected me then, and still affects me today, it’s all part of some Plan that I was supposed to go through the whole ordeal. There’s a couple of good things I’ve been able to take out of it (obviously not enough to make it worth it), and I have tried really hard to get to a level where I realize that Someone meant for this to happen, and in the long run it was really best for me. I can’t say that I’m there yet, but I’m trying…
And btw, I don’t think people realize how right you are about needing to have guidance. If someone tries going thru this him/herself, there’s no way it’s going to end up even remotely good.
..crying thru the whole tehillim..
How’d you do that? I take one Kapital, slowly, focus intently, and if the need be, tears. Whether for yeshuos for me or others, or out of gratitude. Doing the whole out of rote misses the point (by me).
s2021: Those tear, those tefilos – they’re so dear, so near HaShem. Tears of the oppressed, abused are the most powerful, potent force. They’re NEVER wasted. Only HaShem know where it went. Obviously He has a different plan for you.
Doing the whole out of rote misses the point (by me).
Each person is indeed different. She is a tzidekes for doing it the way she did.
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zeess though
truth be told: That she’s a tzidekes, that I gather from other information I glean. It’s just that I couldn’t do it!
s2021: “In coffeeroom its kinda like conflict,resolve conflict, happy ending, dredge up same conflict…”
lol!!! you’re right 🙂
To those members of the CR who have been in abusive situations – I’m curious if you see abusive patterns in the families of the abusers. What are the relationships of their parents like? Their siblings?
About the crying…I’m not a tzadeikes,I was worried for my children,the tears came naturally.
Eclipse, wow. I’ve been reading your posts and I have to say they’re really inspiring! Especially what you said about tefila. I once went through a time that I davened and davened for something (not as critical as things posted here) and seemingly just didn’t get it. I was upset since I was confused and didn’t know what hashem wanted from me anymore, but reading ur posts give me chizuk all over again. You seem like a very special person who’s gone througbh a lot. Keep strong!!!
Raya –
I would say it depends. Some people just have aggressive personalities, as do many members of their families, and in those cases, there may be several relatives who are predisposed to becoming abusers (although there is no guarantee that they will).
However, many people become abusers do to their own experiences (NOT EXCUSING IT IN ANY WAY!!!!!), and that would be irregardless of family. There’s a caveat though – let’s say one’s father was abusive, so he grew up with that and it becomes ingrained in him, he may indirectly be abusing because of his father. Not genetic, but due to family experience.
Basically, it can go either way.
When my husband A”H was niftar at the age ot 34, there were many young children, who asked ” I davened soo hard. for Rabbi R. to have a Refuah Shelayma. Why was he niftar?”
The answer that was given is that Hashem heard all of our
Tefilos, they are never wasted. We do not see it now, but at sometime we will see it. Tefilos are like a rock thrown into a pond. There is a ripple effect. Sometime, we will see the waves that are caused by theses tefilos.
There is a story about the Skulener Rebbe who was thrown into solitary confinement. He decided to understand “Biur Tefila” He came to Boruch Sheomar and seemed confused. The whole Tefilo is about Tov Lehodos Hashem to praise Hashem for the wonderful things that He does for us. He came to the Posuk ” Boruch Gozer U Mekayem” Blessed is the one who is “Gozer” decreed a difficult decree and carries is out. It seemed to the Rebbe not to fit into the general Brocho. So He came to the conclusion Boruch – Blessed is the one, Gozer – who decreed a difficult decree
U MEKAYEM and gives the person the ability to overcome the difficulty. Boruch Hu – Hashem should be Blessed.
Yes MANY of us face MANY DIFFICULT CHALLENGES every day. Hashem helps us overcome these challenges.
Just continue to turn to our “TATTE” in heaven, through Tefila and tears and He will help us. Remember Shaarei Dima are never closed.
eclipse – “In some ways,your tests are harder than mine,because my female friends are very loyal and “there for me”,”
Hashem doesn’t leave anybody totally in the dark. You should count your blessings. Even though I never really had anybody in my corner, so to speak, Hashem gave me a very good therapist a few years ago. I was able to draw a lot of my inner strength from his advice, B’H!
With my attitude that I have now, I hope one day Bezras Hashem to be able to get remarried.
Hatzlacha!
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