To talk or not to talk??

try avoiding that store

When you shop there try to make sure your attitude is businesslike, n slightly cold (but polite!) Dont initiate conversation and answer any questions in short and to the point, and dont be afraid to ignore a comment that is too friendly… Theyll get over it! If they r the type of guys who understand the concept of men n woman not shmoozin it up they will probly get the message. If not just dont give off that friendly smiley cheerfull vibe.. Its not easy but its what us girls gotta know howta do…! Gluck!

what kind of favors do they ask?

yoyo56-sweetie-you DO NOT HAVE to go there – look at the price –

if you are feeling uncomfortable, then just say NO -there is a reason you feel that way-you don’t need the discomfort and worry – they are not the only show in town, have the stuff delivered, get a sibling/parent to go,

if you are going to be there and feel bad to be mean, you can be blunt, and say that you don’t mean to be rude, but you know, in this town, i really have to watch my reputation, so don’t take it personally but i am going to be a bit cool-or you can disguise yourself a little with a bun,glasses, (sunglasses),hood,scarf over your mouth, or you can keep your tehillim handy, and say tehillim while waiting to be served, the cellphone idea is good, listen to chazak shiurim, or listen to an ipod-

it is a very short step between levels of inappropriate behavior, stop it now.

Hard to figure out what is going on there, but Aries’ advice was very good (as usual). What on earth could they be asking you to do that is so awful? If it is really bad, you SHOULD talk to your parents and have them talk to the store manager. I wonder if you possibly might be reading into anything…

I dont think speaking and explaining will help.

I like the cellphone idea.

and DO tell your parents about the uncomfortable situation.

Going with a parent to figure out whats going on is a good idea too!

Or just stay away from that store!

Many ppl seem to like the cellphone idea and its cute. But what will you do if someone actually calls you while you’re supposedly already on a call and your phone rings”

You shut the phone off while shopping in this atore. Or put the ringer off and don’t leave it on vibrate. Either way, you will still get your messages and missed phone calls. What one arth did we ever do before the advent of the cell phone. Wait a minute – we DIDN’T talk on the phone when we were out.

Use some conversation killers like:

– After they say something (but not a joke) say, “Was that the punch line? Because I don’t get it.”

– After they start talking to you, interrupt and change the subject by asking them if they heard of thigmotropism or use another obscure long word.

– Don’t give eye contact.

– One word monotone answers.

– When you walk in, don’t say hello. If they say hello, then lightly wave to them without any eye contact.

I’m sure you can think of more or look some up online.

After a few of their awkward attempts, they should realize that it’s not worth conversing with you.

It seems they are pushing you psychologically to things you are uncomfortable with. This is similar to controlling. The only thing you can do to get out of this is to be rude/strong with them. They will call you weird, but that is the leverage they are holding against you. They are counting on you not doing something ‘weird’.

Plug your ears up with earphones and listen to music or a shuir. This way you can say anything that you must say to them but they know you cant hear them so they wont bother.

Shticky guy-

“But what will you do if someone actually calls you while you’re supposedly already on a call and your phone rings”

Why cant she really be talking to someone?

yoyo… first, how old is this guy? also, im thinking two things right now 1) i’m not sure bc i don’t know exactly what goes on, but i think that some of whats happening is you’re being very self-concious and believe that everything that happens is only bc ur there or just to you and ur also taking things and spinning them negatively. I’m not saying ur totally off, there probably is something wrong with the situatio if you feel this way, but try to broaden ur mind and next time think about the other reasons this person might have said what he said(esp. hi and bye is just basic manners) and 2)either way, if you feel this way i think the best way to approach it, and i know its also the hardest, is to just be straight up honest and say “i don’t mean to be disrespectful at all, but this is where i am in life, i feel like abc, and id appreciate if you would do abc accordingly”

1) how old is this guy 2)unless he says things which are explicit in their words that theres something wrong, i think its best to be dan lechaf zechus and not lechaf chov 3)if you really do feel smthng is wrong, i still think you should go up to him and tlk to him about it- i also think whether youre willing to is a measure of whether something is wrong. If youre willing to have that conv which will be akward it means you really believe something needs to change; if not, i think it means smthng is a little off but its worth you going through that

In your initial posting, you do not say so explicitly, but I gather you are frum, the shop is in a frum neighborhood, and the personnel in the store are frum or under frum supervision. As I see it, the behavior of the frum store personnel is a frum equivalent of secular sexual harassment. If you cannot or do not want to speak to the store personnel directly and tell them to stop, you should ask someone to do so on your behalf, whether it is a neighborhood rabbi, one or both of your parents, or some other respectable adult who can make the store personnel see and understand the inappropriateness of their behavior and cause them to stop. If the interventions on your behalf do not bring about the appropriate change in the behavior of the shop personnel, you and your family (and extended family, if possible) should have no further dealings with the shop. You deserve respect, and your parents and rabbi will be happy to help you get it.

If this guy isnt married and hes that young its def an issue. I dont think hes necessarily a bad guy, its just unfortunately guys like him are wired to be attracted to you. If he gets a simple reject from you, his brain will kick in and tell him hes a moron to keep on doing this. I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but thats the way it works.

Miriam: Granted, it will be akward, but by nature its an awkward situation. It will be awkward for him too and he’ll get the message. However yoyo, if it does make you excessively uncomfortable, then have someone else talk to him. But he’ll have a lot more respect for your position if you say it to him directly. Otherwise he could be like “so i see you need to get your rabbi involved in my buisness” or smthng like that

I want to compliment you on your courage it takes a lot of self control. You say that you are easily influenced I would like to make a suggestion to you, Your only a teenager and you see that you have this nisoyan of being a good looking girl from Hashem you should just know a girls main mitzvah is tznius and if you keep this Hashem will be really proud of you. You must learn to say NO and stare the guy down in the eye, learning to protect yourself comes with this nisoyan and these are the times when Hashem would want you to say NO and if you must be rude or nasty to get out of the conversation or situation your in so be it that is what Hashem would want from you. I used to think Hashem would want me to be a nice person and please everyone in the world i found out the hard way, its not worth it trust me i wish i was as strong as you are, and dont do anything you will regret.

Personally I think many of you are making too much of this. The poster’s PARENTS are apparently not concerned, so why are you? People have to learn how to deal with all types of situations, INCLUDING deflecting unwanted attention (and I am not sure this even qualifies, as it sounds like these employees are just very friendly, and things are being read into).

Yoyo, if you are really that bothered, STAY OUT OF THE STORE, though I think you are over-reacting. Store owners encourage their employees to be friendly to customers, and if it bothers you that they are, to the extent that you feel it is too much, then either refrain from going in there, or keep the conversation light, short, and away from personal subjects. Hello, goodbye. If they mention you working in the store, say “not interested, but thanks,” and then walk away.

Part of growing up, is learning how to maturely deal with this type of occurrence. It will happen in the workplace, in stores, sometimes on the street. When we grow up, we need to not get thrown by this, and we learn to tell the difference between TRUE harrassment and just plain over-friendliness. And btw, just because someone asks for your number (which they did not do), does not obligate you to give out your personal information. So it is highly unlikely “they could do whatever they want.”