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What were the reasons for the breakup?
The potential shidduch was not a good fit.
I realized that she was too inflexible on a number of issues that were important to me. This may not be the best comparison to other Shidduchim, as she was particularly slow to open up.
She didn’t earn enough money to support my drug habit.
The person up and decided after 3 months that they didn’t have feelings for me.
She was always eating. I calculated she was eating at least 1/2 of the total time we spent together. I figured, if she eats half the time she is awake, she’s gonna be real fat.
The middos weren’t really there.
Where were tgey?
We really liked each other so I tried convincing myself that she was what I wanted ;(or felt was right) hashkafikaly but ultimately she wasn’t
She had a crooked nose.
It happened when she broke her nose on our 9th date skiing. That’s why it wasn’t an issue until then.
Aside: the yated has been hocking about speed-dating. I fully agree that speed dating is problematic, as shown from this story.
I broke off after more than 10 dates. Sometimes you keep dating hoping for some clarification. Things seem to be going OK but they just don’t feel right and you keep going until this issue is resolved, sometimes by a single event, sometimes with one or both parties just impatient with the strung-out relationship. In my case, I spoke to my Rav that pointed to certain things I had said and it made my realize it was time to part.
Speed dating wouldn’t help, as it doesn’t address the underlying issues.
Aside: the yated has been hocking about speed-dating. I fully agree that speed dating is problematic, as shown from this story.
Which story?
Folks having beshows effectively speed date with great results.
Speed dating wouldn’t help, as it doesn’t address the underlying issues.
Not sure where you’re going with that. If the underlying issue was a non-crooked nose it could have helped a lot.
Which story?
how many stories were in my post.
Folks having beshows effectively speed date with great results.
that term doesn’t mean what you think it does.
Not sure where you’re going with that.
Hopefully, not too far.
If the underlying issue was a non-crooked nose it could have helped a lot.
That’s not usually the underlying issue.
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/looks-in-shidduchim-1#post-603282
Happened to my son number 2……….
after about three months of dating in NY where both he and the young lady were studying:
HE FINALLY MET THE PARENTS.
Fifteen minutes with the potential in-laws was all it took to break it off. They immediately got busy telling with my son how much they expected me to pay towards the wedding and setting up the couple’s household. Wife and I had not met them.
Totally inappropriate, turned son right off, he couldn’t imagine being tethered to these people for the rest of his life.
CTL: Why were they discussing wedding plans before they even planned to get engaged?
Never happened to me, but rather any number of breakups than one broken marriage.
Torah613: There is a halachic school of thought that once a tenaim has been made the engagement should not be broken under any circumstances. Certainly not unilaterally and I think according to some shittas even mutually.
Joseph………
My son hadn’t asked the girl to marry him yet, he wanted to meet her parents first.
He didn’t discuss these items, they bombarded him with their expectations.
If the potential in-laws wanted to discuss what would come from my pocket they should have been asking me, not telling my son what they expected.
Joseph: Are you sure? How can you force someone to get married and expect them to live happily? Would you want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to you? Please check your source.
flatbusher: Do you realize what “tenaim” means?
flatbusher: The source is old. The Gra quotes that there is a Cherem on breaking Tannaim and therefore it is better to get married then divorced so as to avoid the Cherem.
Joseph: How is that relevant? Those who still do Tannaim nowadays do it at the wedding itself.
There is a halachic school of thought that once a tenaim has been made the engagement should not be broken under any circumstances.
Litvaks do the tenaim at the wedding.
Joseph: Are you sure? How can you force someone to get married and expect them to live happily? Would you want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to you? Please check your source.
Usually what happens in those situations is that they have the wedding and then get divorced right after the first week.
Always seemed strange to me, but it does fulfill the tenaim.
The Wolf
Sam: Many today have the tenaim months before the wedding. It traditionally was the default minhag among the majority of Ashkenazim.
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