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I am a single girl from out of town and recently got my masters degree. I am debating moving to NY or not. I can make more money in NY and I won’t have to pay to fly in for dates but I’ll be paying for food and rent and in NY so I think financially it will be the same. People always say move to NY and you’ll get more dates, but I have a few friends who did and they say its not neccessarily true. However there is the whole thing of “meshana makom mishana mazel.” I’ve been out of sem a few years already and most my frieds are already married. I have a few friends in my hometown and a few in NY but I imagine there is more opportunity to meet girls in NY However, I won’t be living at home with my sibilings and I’m sure apartments can get pretty lonely sometimes. Any pearls of wisdom from girls that made the move or anyone in general?
Shinue Makov, Shinue Mazel-a change in place causes a change in Mazal, as we see Avrahom Avinus and Sarah had a child when they left there place (Talmud Rosh Hashona)
I have a friend who move to another city and is now engaged.
I’m not a girl but i think leaving home can be a growth experience one day I”yh you will marry and move with your husband probably to a new place, this will help you feel independent and you will learn coping skills it’s not an easy road you will miss your family but in leaving you may gain an inner strength you didn’t know you had i wish u much hatzlacha on whatever you decide.
Your Bashert will come in the right time,where ever you are!! Emunah and Bitochon????? Also, what makes you think you will get a good job in NY??? Unemployment in NY is high! The flying will likely cost u the same since you will probably want to visit your family.
Rent an apartment with a group of girls. There are many girls that rent apartments together and that way you have people to talk to and you can make friends.
Of course shidduchim are more numerous in NY.
just curious where are you from
NY is flooded with girls looking for shidduchim and probably jobs. Those who have jobs are disappointed that they are not getting paid what they thought they would. The girls who moved to the upper West Side (the in thing to do) are having a great time living on their own and making friends but they aren’t really moving as far as the shidduch scene is concerned.
My advice to you is find a job first that pays nicely. Then look for an apartment NOT in the city. Look for an apartment in a Frum neighborhood in Brooklyn or Queens where you can get to know the people, the Rabbonim, the neighbors and let them get to know you so you have a network of people that will look out for your best interest and have you in mind in regard to shidduchim. They will recommend you and they will be your references. Hatzlocha.
yea where r u from? bec if its new jersey i know plenty of girls who got engaged there. and same goes for baltimore.
new jersey is considered oot, really?
of course it is. it’s at least 2 hours from brooklyn and very oot mentality
WE ALL MOVED (in NYC)!!!
you’re probably right collegegrad i’ve only ventured out there once (to lakewood) and it took me almost three hours. and i was mentioning the mentality bec the goq seems to think new jersey is in town so i was explaining to him y it wasn’t. i actualy consider places in new york out of town too. like those random places in long island that no one’s heard of.. and upstate new york..
Hi,
I moved to NY (from further away than the mid-west, but that’s another story) and I would like to dispel some myths about moving to NY as a single:
1) It takes a VERY long time (think at least a couple of years) to get settled, get to know some families in the area and get to know enough shadchanim well enough that you have a network of people to suggest shidduchim/be references/check potential dates out for you on a regular basis.
2) Yes, you may have more dates if you live in NY, but while I’ve found that the quantity of my dates may have increased, the quality definitely has not. On the other hand, being here does make the actual dating much easier as you don’t have the pressure of whether or not to fly (or make the other person fly) each time you decide whether to go out again- it’s one factor (and stress) less that you have to deal with.
3) Living here as a single can be (esp in the beginning) horribly lonely- even if you come and live near a family that you know or relatives. If you decide to come, make sure you have some families that you are comfortable spending time with and some single friends who will introduce you to their friends/families etc. Times like Purim, Chanuka, Erev Y’K, Erev Tisha B’av can be especially bad as people don’t really think to invite singles and it’s when you miss being a part of a family most. Moving away from your family is a BIG adjustment- moving to a new city is also a BIG adjustment- doing those two at the same time is not easy…
There are many singles in the NY area, but most of them work or are in school and don’t really have that much time to hang out.
Don’t get me wrong, I see my friends and we get together for nights out, shiurim or just for a walk or a shmooze- but it’s not the same as living with your family.
On the flip-side, there are many many singles (unfortunately) living here and there is much more potential to meet new people and make new friends and network and yes, every so often- have a really good ole’ time with them!
BTW- just my thoughts on the posts about having Emunah and Bitachon- My move here had little to do with that, on the contrary, I decided to move here because I fully believe that HaShem is fully capable of sending me my spouse wherever I am in the world. So I decided that if He has decided that I’m gonna be single for a while, I might as well enjoy it- so I moved to NY as I figured that is the best place to be single!
Re: OOT vs in NY- I don’t think it makes a difference which community you live in as long as you are in the tri-state area- they all have their pro’s and con’s.
Just my two cents 😉
Good luck with the decision!
From Brooklyn to Lakewood took you three hours? You took local roads or something?
Move, get a roomate, It’s cheaper, you wont be lonely,
it’ll prepare you for marriage. If she’s not a great roomate,
kaporas Avonos, will speed up the dating process.
hatzlacha! Welcome to NY!
i went with another girl who didn’t know how to go so we used a gps, and between traffic and not knowing the way, it took us three hours. never again. thank G-d my whole family, extended family, and friends live in brooklyn although i know some people in monsey unfortunately
that is why collegegrad us brooklyners do not leave brooklyn and e/t is considered out of town. brookyn is the best!!!
what is your master’s in
BTW i would advise not moving so fast to NY (at least not until you get a job)
sounds like you really live in a cave
what does what her masters degree is in have to with ANYTHING???
Collegegrad: No Prob-happy to help.
Piece of advice: (this may seem counter-intuitive) Don’t room with a friend. Rooming together if you have never done that with this friend, will put a strain on your friendship. I’ve seen many friendships fall apart after the two friends roomed together.
Better would be to find an apt close by this friends apt so that you can go over and visit often. That will also (possibly) broaden your circles a bit as you will have your own roommates that you may become friendly with.
Good luck with the move- you are welcome to contact me (not sure how that works with giving contact details on the CR) so I can try and help out with apt’s, and other contacts etc.
my best friends are from my dorm life!!!
Adorable: That’s bc you started out as roommates and then became friends- it doesn’t always work the other way around…
i hear that. u have a good point.
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