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blueberry- chocolate milk
Here’s another one: My five year old cousin was looking through an old photo album. She came across a picture of my grandfather (who was niftar 5 years before this story happened)and asked, “Is this picture from before Zeidy was niftar or after?”
My five-year old: “Mommy, my love-ment for you is as big as this whole house!”
Two shabbatot ago my parents came over for shabbat. I had put the 4 month old in to sleep and a few hours later he woke up. I took him out of the crib and brought him out to everybody (ok, we were only four people) and my father sang to him softly as he sat on my lap mesmerized. The whole room was quite, besides for my fathers singing. You could hear a pin drop. It was dessert time and someone had watermelon in their plate. they took a bite and it was- ahem- a rather noisy bite… CRUNCH SLUUURRRPP! My son ever so slowly turns his head towards this person(remember, he is zonked!), then ever so slowly turns his head back towards me and laughs!!!
My 3yo daughter loves “smash-mallows”
;
My younger brother wants to know if my phone is a “berry”
-i went to chessed and the three year old wanted to know why i had polka dots on my face… i told him Hashem put them there
my sister in law just recently told me this story…
my 6 yr old nephew was talking to his cousin saying “i can’t wait for tomorrow (shabbos…) my mommy makes the best salad… maybe you should watch her… it’s an experience!!!”
MayanDvash-
That reminds me- my little sister MUST have her “kingcumbers” or else she cannot eat her eggs on Shabbos!
When my daughter was very young she was EXTREMELY active. One day when she had really been trying my patience I said to her “you are really acting like a child.” She quickly retorted “but I AM a child.” Touche
Same daughter a few years later. My brother A”H (her favorite uncle) said to her “You are really growing up.” Her reply ” I know, I already had a pimple.”
A friend was babysitting and she saw a really cute picture on the table of one of the kids. She said to one of them your parents must be really adore this picture. No said the child they hate it. Why do you say that she asked. Cos i heard them say they want to blow it up!
Kid loves to go on the table. Mother constantly telling him: You’re not supposed to be on the table – “Shulchan domeh lmizbeach”…
Mother sees the kid again on the table. Gives him a stern look. And he says “Oh, don’t worry, I already said “Shulchan domeh lmizbeach”…
I asked my son what he was doing and he said “I’m being cute!”
vnishmartemmeod, thats like we say Nisht Off Shabbos Geret, and then continue talking…
And, when I go on the table, I say I’m a Kohen and a Kohen is allowed to go on the Mizbeach…
…Cos i heard them say they want to blow it up!
That reminds me of a joke I just heard.
By a photography store, they shoot you, blow you up and then tell you to hang yourself on the wall…
when my son was about 2 i would remind him “to behave”; one day he had had enough and shouted, “I’m not being have!”
my husband is a cohen. the first time he took our sons to duchen with him, they were about 5 and 4. The 5 yr old, a sensitive soul, came home in tears: “It was so embarrassing! They took away Tatty’s shoes and he had to stand up in front of the whole shul and they all said ‘Oy, yoy, yoy, oy yoy yoy’ to him!” he really didn’t want to ever go through that again.
our 3.5 yr old daughter was cutting up some paper and making a mess. i asked, wouldn’t you like to be a mitzva girl and clean that up? she said, no, i want to be a teshuva girl and keep doing this till i’m done.
vnishmartemmeod: that’s like what my sister said when she was about 4. she was climbing a tree and our mother said to stop. my sister kept climbing, my mother said stop, or i’ll potch you. eventually mom did potch her, but my sister kept climbing. mom said, what are you doing? my sister said, you gave me my potch, now leave me alone!
my mother told my 4 yr old brother he could eat his tuna or go fly a kite… he started crying that he doesnt have a kite… (
My 3 year old asked me if we were going to the store. I told him we were going straight home. He was quiet and then said, “You mean we aren’t gonna turn any times?”
Same kid responding to another claiming to be right handed,”Am I a righty or a wrongy?”
I got upset at my three year old and yelled, “Cut it out already!”. My son looked all teary and said,”don’t yell at us, we’re just kids”
We took my 2 year old niece with us to a restaurant and we asked her what soup she wants
She said “kitchen soup” (chicken).
my student once asked, “If Avraham Avinu and Sarah Emainu were married, why did they have different last names?”
I was telling my 3 year old the Pesach story and he asked if Paroah was still alive. I said no and he said, “That’s too bad cuz he would be good friends with Haman”
My two and (almost) a half year old granddaughter woke up with an eye irritation. She told my daughter, “Mommy, someone put my eyes in wrong today!”
oomis, if she has any siblings who wear contacts, it would make sense.
My sister was singing “tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow…” And my younger sister said “but why don’t you love me today?”
Our little angel told us he knew exactly what he wants for chanuka. He wants a jumpaleen. Whats that we asked? He looked puzzled and said its what our neighbours have in their garden and people jump up and down on it!
Two siblings were fighting and they envolved there mother so the mother approched the older child and said why cant you act like your father(nature)and give in to your sibling so the child replied sorry i’m also your child(mothers nature).
Deiye
Ouch! Lol.
ouch but true!!
“I was telling my 3 year old the Pesach story and he asked if Paroah was still alive. I said no and he said, “That’s too bad cuz he would be good friends with Haman”
Out of the mouths of babes.
During a particularly violent thunder storm one night, a child called his mom into his bedroom. “Can you sleep in my bedroom with me” he asked? “I’m so sorry” said his mom, “but daddy wants me to sleep in his bedroom”. The boy looked at her and said “You tell daddy that he’s a big sissy”!!
About a week after I got up from shiva I went to babysit for my grandkids. My 3 year old pulls on my skirt and said “Bobby did you hear my mother’s grandmother was nifter?” At which point her older sister, my 5 year old goes “hush, that’s bobby’s mother!!!”, so my 3 year old without missing a beat says gently “don’t worry bobby, when mashiach comes she will be “UNdead”!”
I just caught my breath in my mouth I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was just so shocked, the way she put the “UN” together with the word dead. It was just very smart for a three year old who never heard that before. And also how she wanted to make me feel better.
oomis… your stories never cease to crack me up!!! BRILLIANT!!
and that is a very sweet story aries…..
my 6 year old student came over to me yesterday and said “Morah… i need to see a doctor so they can reshape my head…” so i said “why??” he said “i need someone to reshape my head because no one understands me!!!!” i didnt know whether to laugh or pull him into a gr8 big hug because i felt so sad for him!!
cofeefan, give him a hug for me too!
I was yelling at my four year old sister. she just looked at me very reproachfully and said, ” Big girls are not allowed to yell at little girls!”
When our daughter was about to be 2, we taught her to say ‘I am two years old now’ so we could get nachas from her. On her big day she got it almost right. She stood up and proudly announced loudly to everyone:
‘I am too old now’!!!
my little sister sings men zugt al hanislech mir danken far di nislech, instead of al hanisim!!!
A young boy was sitting at the family computer, typing fiercely. His mother asked “What are you doing?” He replied that he was writing a story. “What’s it about?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he replied. “I can’t read yet.” 😉
My daughter pointed out that we need more “paper toilet”
;
Chafetz Chaim- You reminded me of the seder when my brother was one year old and he kept insisting on having “Pizza”. After trying to distract him throughout the seder, we finally reached Motzie Matzah we realized what it was that he wanted when he screamed out “PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!”
It was this kids great-grandmother’s 90th birthday party and he went over to her and was like, “grandma you’re turning 90? You only look like you’re 87.”
Travelling back from a family simcha, I was discussing with my wife how long the journey might take depending on what speed I was able to drive.
My young daughter in the back must have been listening cos a few minutes later she asked “How many miles are there in an hour”!
A family was traveling on a trip and their little daughter kept asking, “How much longer… are we almost there” etc… Finally getting fed up and impatient the mother tells her daughter. “Don’t ask these questions anymore, we will not be there until dark.” After a few minutes the daughter turns to her Mom and says, “Is it almost dark?”
last week my son said brooklyn isn’t safe because MArtin Luther The King was shot on church avenue.
My mother told my younger sister to pick up the apples that were on the floor…she turned around and was like “I don’t see them.” 🙂 🙂 🙂
earlier tonight my 3 yr. old granddaughter told me: “King Paroh said: ‘everyone wake up! everyone has to work very hard, making bricks’… with a hammer & a screwdriver!”
today we were doing a “fun” sheet in my first grade class. we had to circle the things that were real as apposed to fake. one of the fake pictures was a bird that was reading a book. when i got up to that picture i said “can birds read?!” all the boys shouted out NO! one boy then called out “but then how do they use twitter….. ??????” i was shocked but i was laughing so hard!
when my sibling was little and he did something that really got my mummy angry and she was yelling at him not to ever do that again and he was just looking at her with big eyes and said “mummy how come your face is turning red??”
my parents also used to spell things out as their “secret” language and they were saying something and he perks up saying “i can also s-p-e-l-l!!”
heard a story about a chassidishe school the teacher was asking for ways to write notes in short hand eg. bec. , e/th , w/o…
One kid said at home=@ – the teacher was shocked but continued on so as not to make a big deal.
My two and a half year old granddaughter had a head cold last week, and my daughter said to her, “Mameleh, you need a tissue, your nose is running.” To wish she quickly replied, “Oh – WHERE’S it GOING???”
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