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I’d like to repost an insightful posting by sarah yarok on the main page over here:
According to my research, there is a large number of tall girls who have very minimal shidduch prospects, as there is an insufficient number of boys taller than them.
Then you have shadchanim who will irresponsbily suggest a short girl for a tall boy, thereby taking another tall boy off the market.
Some have suggested that we convince boys to date girls taller than them, but it is hard to overcome the natural desire of a man to feel dominant in a marriage, and being the taller of the two contributes to that feeling.
However, it is clearly very important that we urge the shadchanim to make extra efforts on behalf of the tall girls, and, conversely, consider short girls only when dealing with a very short boy.
In this way we may somewhat redress the imbalance that has crept into the shidduch world.
I plan to go around to Roshei Yeshiva and ask them to sign a Kol Korei on this matter, as soon as I can get all the Bais Yaakovs in US to give me statistics on how many tall unmarried girls they have among their alumni.
Wow! First an age gap, now a height gap.
I know a couple, very happily married. The woman said when she was younger they used to tell her to hold the havdalah candle as high as she wanted her chosson to be tall. She was embarrassed and would hold the candle low, about chest height.
She’s at least 5’10”, and possibly taller, he’s under 5′.
I realize it is difficult for tall girls, but when the right one comes along, height won’t matter.
And you also have shadchanim who will irresponsibly suggest a thin girl for a heavy boy, thereby taking another heavy boy off the market.
Some have also suggested that we convince boys to date girls heavier than them, but it is hard to overcome the natural desire of a man to feel dominant in a marriage, and being the heavier of the two contributes to that feeling.
However, it is clearly very important that we urge the shadchanim to make extra efforts on behalf of the heavy girls, and, conversely, consider thin girls only when dealing with a very skinny boy.
In this way we may somewhat redress the imbalance that has crept into the shidduch world.
I also plan to ask AZ to also go around to Roshei Yeshiva and ask them to sign a Kol Korei on this matter; as soon as AZ can get all the Bais Yaakovs in the US to give N.A.S.I. statistics on how many heavy unmarried girls they have among their alumni.
my brother (standing at oh say 5′ 2″) married a girl close to six feet tall (one way or the other)( and she was the shortest in her family)
How is this different than the broad vs. slim gap shidduch crisis?
There is a large amount of broad girls as opposed to slim ones,
there is not enough broad boys out there to suffice.
The solution B”H is simple. I think Roshei Yeshivah and Rabbonim should encourage the boys to eat more in order to bridge the gap.
Maybe they can also encourage the boys to wear higher heeled shoes in order to bridge the height gap as well.
cherrybim: I’m so sorry, I didnt read your post. I guess great minds think alike.
Import tall boys from Poland.
Is it a crisis, though? In any endeavour that involves matching and selection, such as employment (shidduchs between workers and jobs) there is bound to be some transient displacement due to the right job and the right worker just having not found each other yet. The same is true with marriage shidduchim.
The Bureau of Labor Statistics considers about 4% unemployment to be full employment, since that’s about the number of people who are unemployed while waiting for a job to come along, etc.
What percentage of single girls of advanced age, who wish to get married, and have been trying, not found their match? What sort of %ages are we talking about?
bein_hasdorim – That’s ok. But the crisis is much deeper than you can imagine because there are also many single girls who are a lot frumer than the boys available and also more educated. So what goes for older and taller and heavier also goes for women who are frumer and smarter.
So we have emergency here and we need leaders who are willing to address this issue with are the seriousness it deserves because we need drastic measures in these desperate times.
cherrybim: Oy vey! Someone has to alert the president at once, so he can declare a state of emergency. This is more serious than I thought!
If this continues,
these girls getting frumer, smarter, taller, and heavier than our boys, the gap might become too large to bridge. We need a Kol Koreh declaring a Chiyuv for all these girls to start some serious dieting, No more heels, only flats, along with the necessity
(if need be), for these girls to act less intelligent, as to not scare of and intimidate these boys, who are potential kiruv material.
Thats it!!!!! There is no shidduch crisis some people are taller than their husbands !! Who cares!!! I dont care to many threads about shiddich crisis!!!
I think what we have is a common sense crisis!
Yes! Zach is right, people have lost their common sense!
Almost everyone here is joking, but seriously, I have a very close relative who is very tall, and she is having a very difficult time getting set up. She is in her 30’s and she is constantly calling the Shadchanim, who basically tell her to stop calling them and they’ll call her if they have someone. Basically, the phone doesn’t ring anymore. She feels that the Shadchanmim are concentrating on the younger girls and that they are only concerned with them getting set up. She has even told the matchmakers, that the boy can be shorter, the height doesn’t make a difference to her. She doesn’t even own a pair of heels. I see her suffering and it hurts. Everyone please try to show some sensitivty.
Last night the boy holding the Havadalh candle in Shul tried to hold it as high as possible. He was directed to lower it.
Mazal, I am very sad for your cousin. One solution in the secular world is to create an affinity group or club for other people with the same characteristics. There is a beanstalks social club throughout the USA for women over 5’10” and men over 6’2″. ALso, for people with Marfan’s Syndrome, a disorder of the connective tissue that effects the way people grow.
Perhaps one solution would be to start a Jewish Beanstalks club in your community.
My sisters are quite tall, 5’11 and 6’1″, and I was always used to having girls as tall or taller than me. I married a short girl, not because of her shortness, but because she was tall in many ways other than height.
I do agree with tamazaball, that there are way too many shidduch threads. Why can’t they all be combined. This is getting crazy.
Josh31, :-)!
mazal77: I agree, instead of bridging the age gap, we should bridge all the shidduch threads on this site & others into one site forming the Mega Shidduch Thread.
For by pooling together so many ideas we may actually solve this crises.
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