The OTD Crisis: Observations

moish01,

I don’t really know you and even if I did, I would have no way of answering that question.

Also I should emphasize that most people do not fit neatly into one of those two catagories. People are very complicated. I know that I had some circumstances in my childhood that I could have used as the perfect excuse to rebel. I can’t even really say that I conquored my yetzer hara or anything, because I never really desired anything other than keeping a very high standard of frumkeit. On the other hand, I’m sure there were times I did things very wrongly as a result of the circumstances that I was in. My kibbud av v’em was compromised. However, although if I would have had the “perfect” situation (which no one has btw) I would not have acted the way I did. So what/who is to blame, my situation, or ME? The answer is ME. H-m gave me my set of nisyonos in order to grow from. We all have bechira and can choose how to deal with a situation. We also have a very strong yetzer hara which makes it extremely hard. H-m is aware of this but still our job here on this world is to fight and fight and fight some more (with the yetzer hara, not our parents 🙂 ). I like to say that we cannot “judge” anyone but we can say it’s “wrong”. which means that if someone decides to throw away torah, we cannot pass judgement and decide how wrong it is and what they should have done. However, we cannot either say that they are “right”. They are wrong but maybe if we would be in their shoes we would do the same.

You have to realize that after 120 everyone will be judged, no exceptions. Realize why you came down to this world and realize there are no excuses.

btw, I just went back and read an other comment you made and i think that you think that there is such a thing as not being held liable. if you say he’ll take the gehinom and stick with his friends that means that you think that you can do whatever you want. Oh well.

Itzik, I am talking more about the kids who are on the cusp, or experimenting with going off the derech. I had some friends at various parts of life like that. Most benefitted by still having their frum friends around, even if we disapproved of what they were doing. We were always clear that no, it wasnt ok to eat treif or do inappropriate things with boys or do drugs of any kind. Most came back to the fold. Some left.

I have one friend who married a guy who isnt frum. She says she still is, although I am not 100% sure (I once got an email from her timestamped on shabbos). But I would never get rid of her as a friend because of that – she is really a wonderful person, who doesnt keep all of halacha. There is no sense in “kicking her to the curb” because it wouldnt accomplish anything. I hope that when she moves back to NY in a few years, she will move back to being orthodox.

Granted, the guy you mentioned would be thrown out of my office in a heartbeat!