Thanks For The Venting Space

ujm, I don’t think that was helpful. Even if the original poster’s clothing is not tznius (which isn’t clear to me from the letter), how does gossiping about her help? It’s especially inappropriate for men to be discussing the way she dresses; in fact, I’d call that pritzus.

To the letter writer:

I’m sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Sometimes people are just nasty to those who are different. I used to live in a smaller frum community where many people judged me because of my job. I held a regular white-collar job, and dressed much like the other women in my community (the only difference was that my clothes were older & I couldn’t afford a shaitel), but because I wasn’t a teacher or nurse or secretary (all perfectly honorable jobs that happened not to suit my situation) I was criticized & insulted. People didn’t care that my husband was attending school at that time & earning little or no income.

I’d never been the sort of person to tell other people how to live their lives, or to discuss other people, mostly because I’m trying to live my own life as well as I can. However, being at the receiving end of so much criticism has made me less likely to judge other people, even to myself. Now B”H I live in another larger community; I don’t work outside the home now, but my friends wouldn’t judge me if I did.

I didn’t mean to hijack this just to talk about myself, but rather to say that I really sympathize with your situation. I also wanted to add that your community may not be as homogeneous as it seems. It may be possible to find friends who won’t judge you by your clothes. If you have young children, you may be able to meet other people at the park or a children’s museum. If you don’t, a chessed group may be a good way to find friends.

I can relate to what you wrote. I wrote something in the coffee room about teens off the derech and the way they are treated too because of the way they look and dress. I don’t know why people feel if they dress tzinut that they can forget about the other mitzvot of treating people with respect. A true religious person has to not only dress the part but also be a mentch.

To all those who gave this young woman chizuk – yasher Koach. You are compassionate and caring Jews. To the ones here who criticized her without even having seen her (so they are really in absolutely no position to judge whether or not she dresses b’tznius, assuming they were right to be judging anyone, to begin with), I say that you are the type of people who actually end up being marchik instead of mekareiv. Your elitism, rather than being inclusionary, is misguided and misplaced. I sometimes wonder what haKadosh Boruch Hu is thinking when He hears this woman cry at night. I cannot presume to speak for Him, but I am thinking that it is possible He might be none too pleased at the onaas devarim that some people are committing, which is probably far more serious than her code of dress issues.

Are ppl openly criticising you and speaking badly about you? Like do u know for a fact?

The reason i’m asking is cuz’ ppl usually don’t mean to be mean or critical. I don’t know ur community and so i’m not judging.

But you seem to KNOW that u r different than ur community, so perhaps it’s ur conscience that makes u feel that others are looking down at you?

I truly hope u don’t take this in a bad way, but maybe it’s some food for thought.

Well, ujm, I reread the writer’s letter carefully. She dresses, I quote, “more modern”. Your Pavlovian response that immediately translated “more modern” to “pritzus” is disgusting.

To the letter writer,

Be comforted by the fact that on the day of judgement, the Holy Judge Yishtabach Shemo will not be ujm.

I don’t think this thread is allowed to be interesting as we know its against Jewish halacha law to take interest (ribbis) in anything

Wow. Was I born yet then?!?