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should a bocher in 11th grade that already has a cell phone get texting
should a bochur in 11th grade have a cellphone…as for texting the answer is no. there is absolutely no need for it. however if you feel compelled to give that student texting, give him a max of 200 a month. that way he wont be on it all day
bombmaniac – i’m not sure how you could answer this question without knowing the situation. maybe he needs a phone because his yeshiva is not in a safe neighborhood and might need to call (or a dozen other reasons). I personally use texting to make arrangements for a ride home – texting is the easiest and least time consuming way to do that. you should never give blanket answers before knowing the details.
i’m not sure how you could answer this question without knowing the situation
You got that right. I was once in a cell phone store and while I was waiting I saw a man buying a cell phone for his son as a Bar Mitzvah present. I couldn’t figure out why a boy that age would need a cell phone. But as the father gave the phone to his son he said, “Now your mother won’t be able to stop me from talking to you.”
That was a case where the boy definitely needed a cell phone. And it taught me not to be so quick to judge.
granted…and i answered the texting question if you could get past that first line…
There are reasons to have cell phones and there are reasons “not” to have cell phones. Understand that having a cell phone is a privilege and not a “right”. If you are asking whether or not you should have texting you are already understanding that there could be a problem. In truth, once you start texting, it is never ending and it could become very expensive. Texting is a simple way to send messages in private when you don’t want someone to necessarily pick up the phone, or draw attention to him/herself by having the phone ring and have them answer. They just glance at the phone and read just like email and it is definitely habit forming.
Remember the days of “beepers”? When someone would send a message on a beeper and people were constantly checking their beepers for messages? Grab and look in middle of conversations, yeah that’s it and it reinvented itself into text messaging. WE are constantly connected via text to phones and to computers. It is a convenience to some and a nuisance to others.
So should an 11th grader get texting? I can’t tell you what to do because it is a choice you have to make with your parents, but if I were to give you advice, I would ask you to hold off as long as you possibly can. And if you choose to get it, don’t start texting with your friends because you will surprised who winds up with your phone number and starts texting you. Just use it sparingly among your parents and siblings.
as g73 said, texting is so convenient and can save one lots of time. however, it can also be addicting. so as bombmaniac suggested, 200 texts a month would make sense
From what I see with my wife and son (he is 20) texting is 99% narishkeit. Jokes, text me when your’re downstainsrs and I’ll come down, ect, is what comprises the bulk of the texts.
A cell phone is necessary, but texting is highly addictive and mostly a waste of time. A simple phone call covers all the bases
I know too many stories of great, solid yeshiva bachurim, and good frum bais yaakov girls getting pulled into the world of texting… it distracts you from learning/schoolwork, it wastes your time, you talk about nonsense and say things you would never dare let slip through your lips… you begin communicating with ppl you should not be having anything to do with (no elaboration necessary), and you can end up in one big mess!!! these teens can end up doing some pretty bad stuff from the privacy of their own bedroom- or even the supper table! if you do not have texting yet- DON’T GET IT! it’s not worth the few seconds you’ll save by making a phone call! there’s lots more to say about texting… maybe later
Hodu Lashem –
You are so right, and not only in the way you think.
Once your phone number is out there, all sorts of stuff get sent to you from people you don’t even know. While a bochur may exercise good judgment at 2:00pm its a whole other story at 2:00 am… and that goes for us adults as well. That’s why we don’t have internet access at home(and your point of the supper table is well taken)
If a child MUST have a phone AND Text, make sure to get a plan where you pay per text and make sure your son understands he obligated to pay for any text that is not an emergency. In most situations, this is enough to curb texting when not really necessary.
How do you propose for parents to be “on top” of what their son is texting, especially when he is not with them? There is no callback for deleted texts (and anyone texting stuff that he shouldn’t be, is probably deleting them after reading them). BTW, exactly WHY is texting so crucial? Having the cellphone should be enough, if getting in touch with parents or others is the purpose. Texting should not be done during class, so what purpose is served by it, as opposed to calling someone? Anyone capable of taking the time to check and read his text messages, also has sufficient time to speak on the phone for that same amount of time. The bigger question is – how did MY generation survive without cell phones? Somehow we managed.
oomis…how did people survive without flush toilets…
What, you dont follow your Rebbe on Twitter or Facebook? How do you get the newest Mareh Mekomos and updated time for shiur? These tools are critical.
duvis, i am under the impression that you are the 11th grade yeshivish yeshiva bachur, arguing with his parents that texting is ok. but whatever the case, it just so happens to be that many rabbanim said last year that texting is really not good for teens… i know many teenagers that decided to get rid theirs because of this, and they all said they were happy they did!
When you have texting you can easily do things that you wouldn’t normally do… if someone who shouldn’t be texting you, accidentally (or not so accidentally) texts you, and then you text back once- you’ll often find that three hours later, you’re still texting -even if that “one text” is an effort to stop because you’re a good boy/girl!
and it could be that you ARE good, and frum, and yeshivish… but texting has the power to change that!
I know that what i’m saying is true, i heard stories like these directly from the people involved- it’s addicting!
nothing wrong with texting if it is not over/misused.
Texting is one of the biggest rip-offs in the business world. In terms of bandwidth used a text messages should cost, conservatively, about a thousandth of a cent.
The problem is that no one intentionally misuses texting nor do they plan to over use it. Once you have it, you just don’t know if YOU will be the one addicted, over using it, or be the target of friends of friends texters. And no it is definitely not necessary especially for Yeshiva Bochurim in the 11th grade many of whom don’t even have cell phones. So lets not get carried away with necessities, as I said before it is a privilege not a right.
aries: WELL SAID!!
texting is very dangerous. i know many people that messed up-even under tight supervision in a CAMP ENVIORMENT. But then again, i have much more friends that use there phones no problem and only a few are addicted. txting is realy bad for a skool aged kid bec it effects studying sleeping and all the important things unless you’re really not addicted.
The problem is that people really did NOT do well without flush toilets. There were severe hygienic problems before we had indoor plumbing, Bomb. But that is really off topic, so…
My main concern about texting, aside from the danger it poses both in its addictive nature and the fact that it can lead to real shtuss, is that it takes one’s focus off the world around u, which has proved to be dangerous to many people. Way too many car accidents have been linked to texting while driving, on par with DWI accidents. It ranks up there with talking on the cell while driving, but texting is worse, because it requires taking one’s eyes off the road.
I am also saddened that people are losing the art of conversation, and prefer to NOT talk to each other, but rather to text in shorthand. Texting is equal to phone e-mail, and it just tends to reinforce the extremely impersonal and overly casual way people relate to each other.
But that is my personal opinion, and while I feel strongly about it, I am more concerned about the danger that texting can potentially pose. People DO have the tendency to express things while texting, that they would never dream of saying to someone verbally. I think that is a strong red flag.
theres a whole group of ‘texting friends’ outside of school. basically its a bunch of girls that only txt e/o, but in skl it’s only hi, whats up, see u around. cant decide if this is bad or good/
HAKOL KOL YAAKOV V’HAYEDAYIM YEDEI EISAV!!! Just because he does not speak to girls over the phone does not mean he wont text them! Boys in 11th grade are dumb and generally do not make astute descisions!!! If your son attends a Yeshiva in a “dangerous” location, switch him out of that darned Yeshiva, NO EXCUSES!!!
If you give him a very limited texting plan than he won’t be able to abuse it too much without his parents noticing but he can still use it for “important” things. (btw, I just added the word “texting” to my Firefox spell-check dictionary)
^yeah that…thats how i had it in high school. i had a total of around 7 texts per day…which i only used if i NEEDED like for getting an address or a phone number, or texting a family member
Ask the phone company if it’s possible to set up the account that he can only send x amount of texts and then no more – because even if a person has 200 texts, once they hit 200, they can keep texting – it’ll just cost you more money
The limited texting option is a good one. I didn’t know that you could set up an account where the phone will text or receive just so many times and then not allow the application any further for that day. That sounds like a good compromise for people who need “emergency” texting.
so the question if there is something wrong!
for some reason they made something called kosher phone without text. so i can imagine that all the rabbonim who endorsed it from chassisuh to litvish had a reason. in eretz yisroel most people have kosher phones.
and i didnt understand why if your in a dangerous area how does text help?
You can “Watch” you child’s cell phone because you see the cell numbers in and out on the bill. I am not sure that you can see the text numbers but I am quite sure you can’t see what is sent. People have a tendency to be careful what they say on a cell phone because it might cross with someone else’s and it is not as secure as a land line but texting does not have that kind of danger.
I was working with a family whose kid wound up in Juvy. I immediately asked the kids to give me his cell phone. You can’t imagine what I found on it. “where can I get a piece”, I immediately erased all the text messages just in case. This was a nebech situation, a dysfunctional single parent home, etc. WE worked with the judge and wound up sending him to a rehab out of town. He did well there.
The rt uv spllng haz gottin lawst as ppl txt echothr and hav stpd spkng.
I’m stil trying to figure out lol,ppl, sos, txt, u2, too many acronyms.
word of the wise wrote:
so the question if there is something wrong!
for some reason they made something called kosher phone without text. so i can imagine that all the rabbonim who endorsed it from chassisuh to litvish had a reason. in eretz yisroel most people have kosher phones.
and i didnt understand why if your in a dangerous area how does text help?
The problem is that boys can more easily get involved with girls with texting. Of course, it can happen to anyone even without cellphones but this makes it so much easier that the Rabbonim decided there was a need for a Kosher phone.
Of course, texting can also be a very useful thing. It is very good for places where there is a lot of noise or poor service since you can get your message across more easily. I often use texting in basements where regular calls wouldn’t last long enough to have a conversation. It is also good if you need to tell someone something and there are people sleeping in the room. It is also good for sending information such as addresses and phone numbers, or for giving someone the proper spelling of a word/name. It is a lot easier to type these things out than to have to say it over in a conversation.
I use it all the time to give people phone numbers, anyone can text me anytime asking for Ploni’s number and all I have to do is find Ploni in my contact list and insert his number into a text message. It’s a lot easier than having to browse the contact list while talking on the phone and having to give the number over one number at a time, make sure the person heard everything correctly etc. especially if I am in a place with poor service or where there is a lot of background noise.
As with any new technology, there are many good uses for it but it can also be used for bad. The question is can you trust a teenager to use it properly and not abuse it and if you can’t trust him then is there a way to give him the technology in a way that can be limited/monitored. This is the same question we have with Internet, etc. A lot of new technology allows people to do things more easily and with more privacy which makes it a lot easier to be nichshal.
As a parent of both boys and girls, NO ONE NEEDS TEXTING!!!!! it is the worst thing in the world to happen. NO ONE TALKS ANYMORE!! forget about inappropriate conversations with people (boys and girls), what about the fact that they don’t talk to YOU! Drive in a car with a teenager that has texting, NOT A PEEP the whole ride. If they want to do something, they text you, they don’t call. A parent can “hear” a child’s voice when they talk to them. Texting does not let you pick up on the nuances of a conversation.
TRUST ME, I”M TALKING FROM EXPERIENCE!!
There are phones that you can set up certain phone numbers that can you can text to. Sort of like an internet white list.
yw moderator-42
i am not saying that there is no convenience in text there is can a bachor be trusted the answer is prob no cause its hard to draw a line where yeah and where not. and why is it necessary to put them in a position if its not necessary. i didnt hear any valid points that a “bachor” needs a cell phone for “text”.
yw moderator-42: very well said
In my Yeshiva we have a number of texting services. For instance, there is a zmanim text service for weekly Shabbos schedules as well as changes to the regular schedule. For instance, sometimes the weekly shmuess will go overtime into the lunch break, in which case Mincha and Afternoon Seder will start later that day. There is someone who will send a mass text message that says “Mincha is at 2:53” or something. He also sends a text every Friday morning with the times of Mincha, Hadlaka Neiros, etc. I find this very useful on Friday afternoon to be able to look up what time Shabbos starts on my text message rather than having to find a calendar.
There is also a text service where someone sends messages informing people of simchas as well as the time and place of Vorts, Shalom Zachors, Shivas, etc. This is useful besides for just being informed of the simcha which itself is nice, you can keep the text message and check it later to get the address, etc. (of course you can’t check the message on Shabbos for address of Shalom Zachar so you will have to revert to old fashioned pen/paper or memory for that one)
Kosher phone also means no internet, no email, etc. It is just a phone. Again, when we speak about convenience remember the question was posed about an 11th grade yeshiva bochur not the general public. Does an 11th grade yeshiva bochur “need” texting. I think the general consensus is “no he does not need it”. Should he get it? The general consensus is “it would be better if he didn’t at this time”.
The other discussion which veered off topic was if texting is useful and convenient or has it destroyed the basic use of conversation. The general consensus is “yes” to both.
“The rt uv spllng haz gottin lawst as ppl txt echothr and hav stpd spkng.
I’m stil trying to figure out lol,ppl, sos, txt, u2, too many acronyms.”
nd thts y I h8 txtng.
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