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mischiefmaker-
Been there, done that. I know what it feels like, but dont fool yourself. Attitude is everything. Maybe even more than the situation which you are put in. Anyone can talk about having a positive attitude from today till tomorrow but until you come to the realization yourself, it wont help. I know from experience that a situation doesn’t need to change to feel better. It might seem like a completely foreign concept right now but know that its possible. Depression or a negative attitude is not anyones fault but its something to overcome. What I’m understanding from your earlier post sounds like anger more than depression (or anger coming out in the form of depression). Am I right? (Just trying to help).
When the hardship is in YOU its impossible to escape. It follows you around which makes you not be able to have relief, even in school.
Just like you said. The hardship is in you. It is not you. People are not cookies. There is no all good and all bad. Every person (yes, you) is good with certain things that need a little polishing. Dont put yourself in the wrong camp because there is something making you look at things through broken glasses.
As was already mentioned, talk to a friend. Friends are very good, but let me go a step further. Talk to Hashem. Not just during Shmone Esrei. He is the best listener around and your best friend. Go into your room (or a quiet place) when no ones around and talk to Him. Tell him exactly what you would tell a friend. And think of something good that happened (in a related area) and thank Him for it. Guaranteed results.
Getting the idea I have a lot to say on this? 🙂
Lots of hatzlacha!
(end rant)
observanteen-The problem is that I’m reading other books and if you do too many things at once it only confuses you so when I finish the books I’ll try the next thing but thanx anyways.
papa-what I was trying to say is that someone who’s depressed CAN’T change their “attitude” because depression makes a person negative. Yes, in some cases attitude can help but in many cases it can’t.
I wouldn’t call that a rant, I would call that good sound advice. Kapusta if I may add a little to what you said.
A way I have found to use the talking to Hashem technique in a most effective way, is to talk as if having a real conversation (which in essence you really are but you just can’t/don’t hear the response) and “respond to yourself” with constructive, solution oriented (am I being complicated here?) Answers/comments. This will force you to break down the issue(s) into manageable parts allowing you to at least work out what the root issue(s) is/are, in turn enabling you to (with help!) Work on solutions.
As mentioned a few posts up, rough patches (especially during the teenage years) enable one to grow (if guided properly and approached with the right attitude). May I suggest that you take this opportunity, look at the situation you are in, and try to figure out what can you gain from it
Oh and one last thing (which was also mentioned albeit in passing) there doesn’t need to C”V be something wrong for you to talk to Hashem. Saying thank you if even just for the beauty of creation helps to keep a connection/closeness which in turn gives you courage, confidence, and security in knowing that you are being watched over and cared for at all times.
I know I said one last thing but may I offer a suggestion to pick a teffilah and make it (or a part of it) your own. What I mean by this is for example take the first three brachos of shmone esrai and that will be your time for complete focus and attention on davening and strengthening/keeping in touch with your connection to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. This will also allow you to ‘tap in’ to that pecial feeling of closeness, security, etc
😀 Zuberman! 😀
Kapusta-Thanx for your advice. It’s anger toward the fact that I can’t get over that some people just have these “blissful” lives. Even if they are going through something at home, they’re there, in school-all cheerful and bubbly. Those same people are the insensitive ones (many times). I guess it’s jealousy and I know its cruel but I almost wish they had some hardship to teach them sensitivity. I can’t run away. I’m like that in school too which is why I became very quiet.
I don’t get what you’re saying about attitude. When someone’s depressed their attitude is negative. If I could change it, I would. I can’t and that’s why I’m saying attitude can be everything in CERTAIN situations, not all.
Mischief: Firstly, I think it’s ur negative way of thinking that was a great cause of ur depression, not vice versa. Secondly:THERE IS NO, AND I MEAN ABSOLUTELY NO SUCH A THING AS LIVING A BLISSFULL LIFE!!!! I KNOW that this is what you think, cuz I thought exactly the same! I was absolutely positive that I’m the only one suffering. Life is GOOD, it’s HAPPY, it’s even glorious, BUT THINGS DON’T ALWAYS HAPPEN THE WAY YOU WANTED THEM TO!!!!! It all boils down to the same thing: Change ur attitude. I’m not trying to preach or to tell you what to do. It’s just that it hurts me that there are so many ppl out there who are going through what I did! Also, if you think ur really depressed, I’m afraid books aren’t enough. Oh, I forgot to mention a CRUCIAL point: PLEASE PLEASE NOTIFY YOUR PARENTS THAT UR HAVING A HARD TIME. (Unless they are mentally ill C”V)They want what’s best for you. DON’T think it’s ur friend who’ll help you out with this. Been there,done that. Disaster! Don’t try it! I never confided in my parents, but when things spiraled outta control, my mom really helped me out. I’m very close with my mother now. I share everything with her. There’s nothing like support from parents. HATZLACHA RABBA!!!!HOPE U FEEL BETTER!!!!
Kapusta: Couldn’t agree more!
Mischief, and to everyone else – well at least you can change your attitude about wanting to get better and change. what i mean is to go get yourself help. its fine and good to get help nothing is wrong if its needed. Talk to someone who can get you help. YES life is not easy everyone has stuff going on even the people who arnt mean and always have a smile on there face. i can tell you from experience from my friends confiding in me also from my own self. It is what it is .
From my own experience attitude is a big difference i worked at it and worked at it and worked at it. If you want, what I did take a notebook and write in it once a day or even twice a week and write down when you said or saw something in a positive light. It really works I thought it would never work cause why write something down if u don’t feel that way. you will see it will make a difference in yourself after a while it might take some time like a few month to see yourself “changed” but it really works I know it works when i someone told me “wow,you really see things in a positive way” This person who said it was was a friend. so i told her she tried it and said it really made a difference (she had her own crazy stuff going on in her life no easy street, depressed and all that.
I hope i did not give myself away I am a bit embarrassed but for the sake of other people. i had to give some advice and shear some of my own life experiences. I hope this can help you.
Anyone knows me? let me know it would be kinda funny. if anyone does, let me know. lets go start guessing!
I know what you feel like. (I almost feel like in certain ways you’re describing me exactly not too long ago.) About people being insensitive, heres a tip for life: some people are just plain stupid. My thinking is that most people aren’t trying to be mean, it just happens that way. (And believe it or not, they might not even realize it.) Yes, its very annoying. And as many times as you might hear that everyone has their little package, and everyone does, because you are going through yours (which is tailor made for you) it might seem harder. And its part of human nature to compare. If it helps you to know this, I do feel because I’ve seen what I have in my life (B”H) I’ve come out a better person from it (and I don’t think I’m the only one to say that).
About the attitude thing, I know maybe you can’t believe me right now but I’ll say it anyway. I have no idea what specific challenge you’re facing right now (and I’m not asking). I’ve gone through certain things, and some of them haven’t changed too much but B”H my attitude has. Did I think it could at the time? Absolutely not. But it did. Even if it means indulging yourself (good food, a good book, a new cd etc) once in a while, if it brings you up, its probably worth it. I’ll say it again, talk to Hashem. If you ask me its better than any anti-depressant (any kind) around.
(filled rant quota for the day)
i am here – that is the longest thing i’ve ever seen you write: – kol hakavod to you for doing that and kol hakoavod for sharing info. about yourself (even if against personality to do so) to help someone else. i’m impressed. and no, i have no clue who you are. 🙂
Binah yesarah- thank you for the complement ya I said the same thing to myself. That it’s the longest thing I wrote. But when I have something to say I say it. And it holds true for everything. I am glad that you don’t know who I am. I hope that no one others know me.
Let me clarify: Its not that I don’t want to get better. I am dieing to get better! It’s just taking fooorrreeevveerrrr. I’m doing everything possible. I’m going for help, my parents know, my friends know, etc. I daven every single day and I always beg Hashem to send me a refua. I just feel like a hopeless case. It makes me even more depressed when the doctor tells me that I have “severe depression”! That really makes things seem hopeless! And you may not believe it but I keep asking e/1 if its really true that s/1 who commits suicide doesn’t get olam haba or tchias hamaisim because the only reason I’m still here is because of that :(. Also, I know nobody has a perfect life but they definitely can be carefree sometimes. They walk around full of life and happiness and I’m like “how could they…”.
Kapusta-Its good to know SOMEONE understands! Anyone who was never in the situation can’t and that’s why everyone tells me I’m cruel.
A huge thank you to everyone!
Mischief: Ooops. I’m really, truly sorry. I didn’t get the picture right. I thought you just read books, and that you were just a negative thinker (I still work on my negative thinking – nothing wrong with that).
As for your sad thinking abt dying C”V, I want you to know that I was honestly ready to jump the roof at one point. B”H, whether you believe it or not, I LOVE to live now (yeah, I’m one of these ppl you think are having it easy and just living a life…). I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT A LOST CASE!!!There’s no such thing! If you’re willing to help yourself, you will get helped Bezras Hashem. DON’T GIVE UP!!! Life is worth living. You barely lived a third of your life! You still have a lifetime ahead of you!! Those terrible times PASS. You will get better IY”H. I’ll have you in mind when I daven BL”N. Hatzlacha, and sorry again.
Nothing to be sorry about-just was clarifying. Thanx so much!
Kapusta-Its good to know SOMEONE understands! Anyone who was never in the situation can’t and that’s why everyone tells me I’m cruel.
A huge thank you to everyone!
Cruel? I think accusing someone is stupid and often wont help things but that one just doesn’t make any sense. First, there is nothing wrong with you, second, there is nothing wrong with you third, there is nothing wrong with you. And it is not a hopeless case.
I would really love to help you any way I can. I’m not sure what exactly I can do (other than understanding you and where you’re coming from) but if theres anything, even just listening, say the word. I did keep you in mind in my davening earlier, and will bl”n continue to do so until you let us know some good news IY”H. Depression gets a bad rap as someone not being able to deal with things, and that can be the case but not always and in this case I’m guessing its very far from the truth.
Please define what you mean by doctor.
I really believe that things not only can, but will IY”H get better for you very soon. The very fact that you bothered writing anything is already a big step in the right direction.
Hang in there. 🙂
I definitely don’t mean to be “cruel” when I say that I wish some people would go through things to teach them a sensitivity. Every time I say that to people, they don’t understand where I’m coming from and they just think its cruel. I thought maybe I am cruel because nobody else has ever told me they thought like that but I’m glad to hear you understand what I mean.
When I said doctor I meant psychiatrist. My parents were scared it was more of a mental illness because I was having severe mood swings but that has gone away.
I think one of the hardest parts of depression (any emotional/mental illness) is that it’s thought of as a “stigma” on the person and their family. This makes everything a top secret. True, its just like having diabetes but many people tend to think that its you who can’t deal with life. That’s why its a nightmare in school because when I’m upset I’m forced to shut myself up because if anyone finds out… I can’t be myself at all(although right now I don’t know who I am anymore!).
And really, all you’re doing is amazing! It’s such a comfort to be able to just say what I want somewhere where people will understand me. And on the note of helping myself…I gtg to bed-sleep’s important. 🙂
You are not being cruel. (I’ll go easy on everyone and not write that 500 times for you.) Cruel is something done by a nasty/mean spirited/evil/completely insane person, none of which you seem to fit. More likely that you’re trying to feel a certain sense of normalcy.
Mishenichnas Adar Marbin B’simcha. IY”H for you, this Adar.
OK so I’m not cruel 🙂 I’ll believe you.
Yeah, trying to smile cuz it’s adar but its kinda hard.
hey guy-ocho looks like we know the same people ;):):)
Alrighty!!:):):):)
How come your in such a good mood? Ok, I know Purim’s around the corner, but that isn’t exactly OUR Yom Tov, is it? (Unless ur really a boy…)And Moshiach is ALWAYS on his way. Hayom im bekolo tishmau. Ok, I’ll stop being so serious…. YPPAH MIRUP!!!:)
Well, nobody SAID so, but that’s a FACT. First of all, I’m absolutely terrified of drunks. Second, there’s a gazillion things going on at once – and we have to take care of all! Sending the kids to rebbes/teachers, giving/taking mishloach manos… Thirdly, well… I guess it’s the women who end up cleaning the house and dirt of the drunks.
Get a job, J___.
I highly doubt that I said so is Joseph (yes I said his full name on purpose). Either way, how are y’all? I managed to stay a teenager so I am not twenty but rather ten-teen (the number after nine-teen). 😀
not a teen anymore, cant say i want to go back to those confusing, challenging years, but i cant say they were bad either…
Good luck to all you teens out there!
A lady i know works in a camp where i used to go and she said that nowadays teenagers need more excitement than 10 years ago. Not that we didnt have fun, just that we knew how to have a good and exciting time with each other without having to spend the $$ or time that teens nowadays ‘need’.
ISS.. I can totally sympathize with you!! I’m outa school by now, but when I was in high school and sem, if I wasn’t working, I was sleeping!! But the truth is, i didn’t need anyone to spend money for me to have a good time – I wasn’t looking for it. I was just looking to RELAX!! (And i’m just ten-teen… not that old… nor did I graduate all too long ago!)
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