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There’s a well known minhag among many Ashkenazim that men do not begin wearing a talis gadol regularly at morning prayers until they get married (“real” Ashkenzim & Sephardim do begin from bar mitzvah, though, I think without covering the head).
As i understand the intention behind the minhag, it’s to pressure the man to get married.
What of a man who, nebach, hasn’t married? Is there an age limit to this minhag?
No, because he still has pressure to get married. its never too late 🙂
I believe that the Minhag is based on a Gemara in Kiddushin (around daf 30) which mentions that it is yuhara for a non-married person to wear a beged over his head. The interpretation is that it’s talking about a Talit Gadol. That would not seem to have an age limit.
Apparently, Sephardim either learn the Gemara differently – saying that the beged mentioned is not a Talit Gadol. Or that if everyone does it, then it no longer becomes a chashuv way of acting.
From what I’ve seen, young yekkes wear a TG with a hat, so that they don’t wear the TG over their heads.
Do widowers or divorcees in this case still wear a tallis gadol?
I know one divorced man who no longer wears a tallis gadol.
Good to know! Thanks I never knew that divorcee with two “e”s is feminine and one “e” is masculine.
I wonder if that’s the same for fiancee and fiancee (with the accent). I’ve seen it spelled both ways. So I’ve typed it with both ways, and never based on any grammatical rule.
Aww it must be hard to lose the tallis gadol status/wearing at shul. I know that some divorced women wear their wigs, and some choose not to do so. Still, wearing a wig is a full-time thing (unless one only does it for shul) and doesn’t come with the extra davening privileges.
A man who divorced his wife or is a widower is obligated to continue wearing a talis. And a divircee and widow is required to continue covering her hair.
I think most divorced women (at least in right wing circles) continue to cover their hair. I knew a young woman who had been briefly married who didn’t, and she said her posek had said she could leave her hair uncovered, presumably to boost her chances of remarrying.
I think most divorced women (at least in right wing circles) continue to cover their hair. I knew a young woman who had been briefly married who didn’t, and she said her posek had said she could leave her hair uncovered, presumably to boost her chances of remarrying.
Most divorced men continue to wear their tallis gadol. I assume the one who doesn’t made the choice himself.
Regarding divorced women, I don’t know what the halacha is, but divorced mothers generally feel that they want to continue covering their hair regardless because it’s bad chinuch for the kids. Also, it could be maris ayin if people know they have kids and don’t realize they are divorced. Plus, it would be very awkward and uncomfortable for the kids.
I knew one widow who only became Frum around the time she lost her husband. At the beginning, she was more modern and didn’t cover her hair, but at some point, she became more Frum and started covering her hair.
A few years later, she was told by a Rav (I do not know how reliable he was or wasn’t) that she doesn’t have to cover her hair.
I told her that even if that were technically true, it would be very bad chinuch for the kids especialy since she only started covering her hair after she became widowed. So to start and then stop is very bad chinuch. She agreed with me and continued to cover her hair.
Someone mentioned that uncovered hair may help with shidduchim.
Maybe the rav told the woman that she wasn’t required because in her case she wasn’the required. Plus enough time passed where she felt finally ready to shed herself from mourning her late husband of beloved memory and find a new husband.
In that case the chinuch could still be consistent. She wanted to honor her late husband, after his passing, by covering her hair for him, which she had not done when they were together.
Then as the mourning lifted and she learned that she did not have to cover her hair according to the rav, she decided to leave it uncovered to be open to remarriage and maybe finally covering it again with her next husband.
If she listened to a rav and if needed got a second rabbinic opinion to be sure, and they said that she didn’t need to cover it, then she would be modeling the importance of listening to one’s rav.
Otherwise she may be teaching her children that her subjectivity overrides. Chas v’shalom she may be adding to the Torah. That’s also a transgression.
“Otherwise she may be teaching her children that her subjectivity overrides. Chas v’shalom she may be adding to the Torah. That’s also a transgression.”
That would only be true if the Rav told her that she HAS to stop covering her hair, or if he told her that according to halacha, there is no reason to cover her hair.
My impression is that if and when divorced or widowed women are told they don’t have to cover their hair, it is based on a leniency, and they are only being given that answer because they ASKED the question and they were asking for a leniency. If they had phrased the question differently, “Is there any reason for a married woman to cover her hair?” or “SHOULD I cover my hair?”, they may have received a different answer.
In point of fact, I’m not 100% sure, but I believe that all or most poskim say that you should cover your hair in such a case. Although it’s possible that in specific cases, when it’s really hard for the lady,etc. they may find leniencies.
> (“real” Ashkenzim & Sephardim do begin from bar mitzvah, though,
> I think without covering the head).
If by “real Ashkenazim” you mean those keeping “???? ????? ??????” (otherwise known as “yekkes”), the boys start wearing a tallis as children (I guess when they start to go to shul; five or six years old).
> From what I’ve seen, young yekkes wear a TG with a hat, so that
> they don’t wear the TG over their heads.
Right. When they are old enough to wear a hat. Before that they wear the tallis without the hat, but without putting it over the head.
The minhag in Sladboka was that married men wore hats during davening (heard in the name of R’ Yaakov Kaminetzky TZATZAL).
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