Support from girl's parents in non-Litvish circles

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  • December 31, 2012 8:17 pm at 8:17 pm #607641
    shmendrick
    Member

    As someone learning in Kollel long term, I am not in a position of offering “support” for prospective son-in-laws for any number of years. This has become a problem. A shaddchan suggested that I seriously consider a very fine bochur from a chosheve family in Chabad. Apparently they do not demand any significant support and the Cherem HaGra no longer applies.

    Does anyone happen to know what financial commitments are expected from the girl’s parents in circles such as Chabad and for how many years of kollel do they usually attend?

    December 31, 2012 8:21 pm at 8:21 pm #916617
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Since you are related to the R’Y of BMG you should have no problem getting a good Shidduch

    December 31, 2012 8:33 pm at 8:33 pm #916618
    the voice of reason
    Member

    In most litvish circles if the girl has a job which makes enough money to cover the cost of living, that is sufficient. Also if she is in school for something which could cover the cost of living it is reasonable to assume you would only be asked to contribute until she starts working. Also if she has been working and has savings that can count also.

    Finally, if you look beyond typical yeshivish families you might be able to find a serious ben torah who is prepared to move to an out of town kollel, which pays nicely, or family that might contribute to support.

    December 31, 2012 8:42 pm at 8:42 pm #916619
    apushatayid
    Participant

    forget the support issue. for someone learning in kollel for a long time, you sure spend a lot of time online. are you in the internet research division of your kollel? perhaps online recruiting?

    December 31, 2012 9:23 pm at 9:23 pm #916620
    shmendrick
    Member

    apushatayid – I spend 10% of my time being marbitz Torah on the internet, it is my form of tzedakah for those that are less fortunate than me.

    This is a great inyan of being marbitz Torah hashkofos, halacha and da’as Torah. It also allows me to give mussar to those who are spreading kfira and secular hashkofos of the MO, that is also a chosheve intan. Finally, it also allows for a few minutes of “sichas chulin” of talmidei chachomim.

    December 31, 2012 9:46 pm at 9:46 pm #916621
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Yes, but since BMG assers it other than for parnassah, you’re not allowed in the BM.

    December 31, 2012 9:50 pm at 9:50 pm #916622
    apushatayid
    Participant

    In that case, a tzadik like you shouldnt have problems with shidduchim for your children.

    December 31, 2012 10:18 pm at 10:18 pm #916623
    shmendrick
    Member

    apushatayid, when people tell me that I am a tzaddik, I tell them that I am mikayim “al ta’amin b’atzmicha ad yom moscha”, however, after 120, they are welcome to come to my kever and use it as kivrei tzadikim.

    Alas, the chosheve bochurim who are real bnei Torah have parents who want full support for their sons for 5 – 10 years MINIMUM. Besides that, the standard of support expected is MUCH higher than my own standard of living. This stopped in its tracks a few shidduch suggestions.

    December 31, 2012 10:39 pm at 10:39 pm #916624
    shmendrick
    Member

    It seems, I assume, that there is no problem mitzad the “intermarriage” of someone from mainstream Klal Yisroel with a those kind of Yidden. A few doros back, my great grandfather would probably sit shiva over such a shidduch – times have changed!

    December 31, 2012 10:54 pm at 10:54 pm #916625
    tzarich_zivug
    Member

    is this like a troll business again?

    @apushatayid lol 🙂 you on the ball!

    December 31, 2012 11:03 pm at 11:03 pm #916626
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    You’re going about this all wrong, shmendrick. THEY should be paying YOU for the privilege of having such a great and esteemed tzaddik as a father-in-law. The kids should be working to support you in your great and holy work, not the other way around.

    The Wolf

    December 31, 2012 11:06 pm at 11:06 pm #916627
    yaakov doe
    Participant

    Won’t the prospective Chabad bochur and his parents have a problem with your access to the internet since it’s only permitted for parnossa?

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