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I’m growing very tired of hearing Bubbys and Zaidys constantly complaining about having their married children come for Yom Tov.
The first thing out of their mouths is how difficult it is to make Yom Tov for families of 6, 7, 8 or more with absolutely nobody helping out and expecting to be waited on hand and foot. If you really “enjoy” this, then stop the whining. Since this is usually the first they thing they mention, I’ll assume that this overrides any enjoyment derived from having the family over. I rarely hear how nice it is to be together — always how the work is so hard, feeding so many meals to so many mouths, nobody cleans up, parents expecting Bubbys and Zaidys (no matter how old the grandparents are) to babysit, etc.
Somebody tell me why married children with such large families can’t make Yom Tov in their own Batei Ne’eman B’Yisroel. It seems to be another symptom of a spoiled generation, no?
Dont know where you get your facts from.
My family gets together, e/o babysits their own children.
We all come to my mothers kitchen before pesach to help cook and bake while the children are in school.
We are not an exception as I know other families that do the same.
Since we all have KH large families, Pesach is the one time of year where we get togther and the cousins get to know eachother.
I am looking forward to being a part of the noise, the mess, and the cleanup.
Mah HaAvodah HaZos Lachem?
We do not live near our children’s grandparents. On a good year, our parents and children will get to see each other four times (Succos, Pesach, summer vacation and a family simcha such as a wedding). Baruch Hashem, we are able to stay home for Yom Tov, but I think that Moshe Yess was absolutely on the mark when he highlighted Zeidy leading the Seder as a watershed moment in a child’s life. I still treasure the memories of my own grandfather at the Seder, and I feel that it is an honor and privilege for my children to have this experience.
Nothing to do with being spoiled; this is about imbuing our children with proper appreciation for their grandparents.
It’s true that in some ways it is difficult and straining on both the hosts and the guests. Even something you really want can be taxing in some ways.
We greatly appreciate our parents’ generosity in hosting us, and we try to alleviate the stress of having us there by helping out with whatever we can. I happily peel all the vegetables on erev Pesach for the well over twenty people who will be in my mother in law’s house for Yom Tov every year, among many other things we do to help. We try to minimize the noise and mess from our children, and we certainly make sure that they clean up after themselves, but no matter what, there will be more noise, more mess, less space and more stress because we are there. I believe my wife’s parents when they say they want us to come; At the same time, I can fargin a little bit of kvetching.
Some people have dysfunctional families.
When my parents were alive, we went to them for every Pesach (whole yom tov), with eventually five children kinehora. My husband and I schlepped all the Pesach pots and necessities down from their attic and turned the kitchen over for my mom. Then, I helped my mom cook.
We came over a couple of days in advance in order to accomplish this. I never treated this as a vacation and my mom never expressed a feeling of being overwhelmed. We took care of our kids, also, and kept them entertained so my parents could nap after lunch. There is no excuse for any young couple to treat a yom tov visit as if they are going to a hotel, but I know several such couples, Poster’s well-expressed comments notwithstanding. If this happens it ius up to the grandparents to SPEAK UP!
I posted this previously.
My best advice for parents of adult children is do not treat your adult children differently based on their marital status, when I lived at home and my married siblings would come to visit for Yom Tovim they would sit and relax at the table like kings but this cinderfella had to do all the shlepping from kitchen to table and back and back again , while my parents A”H would slave over the cooking of meals while the young married royalty did very very little, and if they did dare suggest to my parents that they clear the table they would be shouted down of course not!! ____ will do it, because they were married so they and their spouses were no longer suitable for clearing a table and they knew that my parents and I were overworked preparing for their visit and catering to them and the truth is they reveled in their status as royalty.
I don’t say this now to shame them I have forgiven them for everything they have done to me, I am just using this as an example of what NOT to do.
I’m not sure where this happens. When my wife and I decided for the first time to stay home for a Chag, my mother told me how disappointed they were that we weren’t coming. She said they enjoy it when the children come.
I’m sure she does DaMoshe that may be because when you come you and your wife help out like oomis did.
Feedback from where?
Most all grandparents want their kids and grand-kids to come for Yom Tov. The complaint is from those whose children don’t help. So, either help or invite your parents to you and see how much work is involved.
At a certain point, as parents age, it becomes to difficult to do all the work needed.
Parents with considerate kids don’t complain and do look forward to it.
Are you doing a research project on this?
What if you’re inviting your parents-in-law to your home. Are you expected to chip in…
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