Social anxiety

@ the art of moi: height is a valid reason for low self esteem. There are many people like that. Everybody is quick to bash others problems without taking the time to realize that although it may seem like an insignificant problem to them, it can really be bothering that person. True its not enough to wish to grow alot overnight but its good to believe that hashem can give a person the strength to accept themself for the way they are.

keep climbing,

I dont know how i missed the fact that you’re seeing a therapist. I apologize with all my heart. Do you forgive me?

@keep climbing

Yes, its very hard to say certain thoughts. And the worst part is that you know theyre unhealthy and self destructive but you feel you cant say it. Its a tough decision. But as hard as it is, its worth it in the long run. You want to have healthy relationships one day and in order to do that you need to help yourself now and learn to accept yourself. I would recommend practicing getting your thoughts and feelings out by writing them down. That will get it out of your system. More than anything, you need to believe that you can overcome this. Please tell your therapist everything! Its for you! Maybe before each session decide what youre going to say so you dont feel like youre divulging everything at once. I sympathize with you because I also go to a therapist and I know how hard it is to spill it all out. But theres such a feeling of relief afterwards… please do it. I know that youre capable of it. Please keep me updated.

Any idea on how youre going to proceed?

i know its hard but try to put yourself in new situation. nevermind, not try, FORCE yourself into new situations CONSTANTLY!, with new people, some you’ve never met before. maybe go to a different camp by yourself, YES BY YOURSELF, (or if you have to, one or two familiar faces) this will help you slowly but effectively get over the anxiety. you also dont have to be the most outgoing person, but like i said, put yourself out there! also, maybe try switching schools, this will give you a chance to start over (same with camp)- Shinui Makom Shinui Mazal. These are things that helped me get over the anxiety. i know this is hard and telling this to you may seem unfair, but i wouldnt dare tell anyone to do something as hard as this unless i have gone through it myself. I know the pain but i know its possible to overcome and overcoming it is VERY WELL WORTH IT! It will be hard and somewhat slow, but i can assure you this is one of the most effective ways! Hatzlacha! (keep us posted!)

I dont agree with to be or not to be. Lets face facts:

what I meant to say was that from my experience, which I do have, people tend to view “problems” as permanent and have a harder time fixing “issues”. problems” means there is something wrong with the actual person , “issues” are more “outside-influenced in that they are usually more of a skewed perspective of outside factors. that’s how I view it and approaching it from the “issue” perspective generally is a better course of action

Im reading your post at 3 in the morning because I cant sleep and now im so happy that I for sure wont be able to sleep!! Im so happy for you that youre coming to accept yourself and love yourself because of your challenges. Youre trying not to let them get you down and youre starting to see that thats whats shaping you and turning you into the person youll eventually become. Your height is part of a package deal. Any girl who will reject you because of your height isnt worth your time. You want someone who will love you regardless of your height. You want someone who will value you for you. For who are, for what you overcame, and for all your virtues. You wont marry a nebach because you don’t deserve that. There is someone out there in the world that is meant for you. And youll see that that person wont let your height get in the way of anything. Im sure you have so many strong points that can easily compensate for what you feel is a flaw. Can you try to believe that?

Something else that can help is going to a smart rav or rebbi that u can trust. I did go to therapy but my rav is what helped me the most. If u live in or near brooklyn I would recommend that u contact Rabbi Shmarya Modes. His entire life revolves around helping people. When I was first introduced to him, I knew right away that this is a guy who can be trusted & will help.

Here are some things I can think of. I hope they help.

1. List all your talents and good traits and read them over every day. Make them a part of you. This way, when someone attempts to knock you down, you have those things in the back of your mind and you can fall back on them.

2. Body language is really important. By appearing confident, youll eventually feel confident. Hold your head high, keep your back straight, and smile at someone when you make eye contact. Its also really important not to shy away from eye contact.

3. Know that youre entitled to your own opinions and that they do count. If someone disagrees with you, it doesn’t mean youre wrong!

4. Take risks. Be open to new situations even if they scare you so at least you know that you tried.

5. Set small goals and achieve them! It could be something that you need to change about yourself or something that youve been pushing off for a while. Make sure theyre doable. Youll feel so good about yourself when you accomplish that which you set out to do.

6. Exercise!! Thats my baby so yeh, im a really big advocate for that! Seriously, itll only do you good!

7. When someone gives you a compliment, smile and say thank you. Accept it. Dont shrug it off by denying that youre worthy of praise.

Keep me posted please…

Keep climbing, how was the day?

I just read this and thought of you. “The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

Im so happy that you wrote in again! It sounds like youre really frusterated. On one hand you want to just move on and be in a good mood but at the sane time you feel pushed against a wall, like you cant help it.

I totally understand why youre scared to tell someone! Of course you dont want them to judge you! But realize that whatever feelings you have or whatever issues there are, doesn’t make you a loser or a bad person. Every single feeling is valid. Every. Single. One.

Youre a human being and therefore you have things that upset you. Thats normal. Whoever you would talk to has their own issues so they can’t look down on you but I do get why you think they would judge you.

Do you have anything in particular that youre looking foward to like going somewhere or doing something you really enjoy? Sometimes when you have such a thing it can give you the energy to get through the days.

As a side point, its important now when youre feeling down to eat energy rich food like whole grains and protein. Any kind of movement is great too. It doesnt have to be running an hour on the treadmill; it can be a walk or playing a sport.

Is it too painful for you to think about whatever issues youre referring to? If so, that could also be a reason why youre hesitating to tell someone.

Please keep me posted. I think about you all the time, seriously.

Everyone else is faking it.

Keep Climbing- I was reading this thread with interest and I hope that my insights can give you some Chizzuk.

I am average height but I am friends with a girl who is 4’9( currently married), have a sister in law who is 5’1, and best friends with a girl is 5’2( married as well)

What they all have in common is that their height does not define them in any shape or form…usually they just wear heels but they feel good wearing flats as well…

The way they look at it is: you have dark hair, I have light, you are tall, I am short…

I think it is much more difficult for men to be that short…but

let me tell you something I have neighbors- husband is 5’3, wife is 5’2….

They are the most charismatic charming couple I know! The husband is a rebi at a local kiruv organization and he leads an oneg shabbos every week! I can assure you that the guests are at least 5’8 and taller! They both have lots of happiness and personality and do not walk around feeling self conscious.

My point is that height does not and need not define your self worth! in fact people find it adorable when short people shine with their personalities. This doesn’t mean you have to be a loud person, or the life of the party, but it means that you don’t need to worry what others may think of your height!

Confidence is contagious and once you gain some, people will overlook the height think in matter of seconds!

Remember that you are awesome but the mere virtue that there is not a soul on the planet that is like you! you are unique in every way…your very DNA is nonidentical to anyone on this planet! You get to be what you want and more importantly remember that you don’t need everyone around you to like you for you to be happy. Alot of people make the mistake that they don’t feel good about themselves unless the whole class, office, or community loves them!

You can choose your own friends and develop close relationship with them…the rest of the people are irrelevant!

So many questions and so few answers, right? I wonder all the time why Hashem does certain things and ive never gotten any answers. I guess that its part of life.

You sound so upset and sad. I dont know what to say to make you feel better so im sending a virtual hug through cyberspace.

Why do you say its impossible to get to the point where you could have healthy relationships and self esteem? Is it because you tried everything to achieve it and you didnt get the results you were hoping for? If so, thats so frustrating! But you need to keep on going and to keep trying. I know it seems as if youll never get there but hopefully one day you will. I know its hard but youre strong enough to do it, I promise.

Have a great night! Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day. Remember: here youre always safe. Were all here for you and cheering you on.

Was today any better?

Keep climbing, you’ll have some better days and some worse days. It’ll never feel perfect or exactly where you want to be.Focus on the better days and what you were able to accomplish and let it keep the momentum going. If you fall back, don’t let it get to you-it’s the yetzer hara trying to catch you and prevent you from growing. No one is focusing on you and your “issues” all day and thinking “so and so is a nebach.” If anything, they have their own issues and insecurities to worry about. We are created with a tzelem elokim, here to accomplish our tafkid and people are just that-people. People are only present around us to help us accomplish our tafkid in life.In the end, we can only rely on ourselves and Hashem. Helps put life into perspective: Really, we are all souls created by G-d and returned to G-d and we have a journey in this world surrounding people. We attach way more importance to them and what they think of us; and, in the end, only what G-d thinks of us really matters:)

WOW keep climbing I just wanna say I am getting so much nachat from reading this chat because I see how much Am Yisrael cares about one another and how everyone keeps checking up

On you and giving you great advice. We’re so lucky to be part of this unbelievable nation!

Some tips 🙂

– so I used to be petrified of talking on the phone. And it got to a point when I was scared to talk to my own sister (who I was BH close with) because I thought the conversation would be socially awkward….basically what helped me was making a list of things I could talk abt whether its my hs activities, college choice, a class I went to, or some new gadget I just bought) then I wasn’t so nervous to call the person cuz I knew if I couldn’t think of what to say next I could just glance at my list!

Pretty soon I didn’t even use the list anymore and it was just for helping me feel secure, and now I

Don’t use lists anymore unless I’m calling someone important that I never spoke to before, which makes me extra nervous, which I don’t mind 🙂

– another tip. My sister was having a hard time too with social anxiety. She feels like whatever she says is weird and awkward. She lost confidence in herself cuz she’s been in college for a longgg time and procrastinated her classes and is not passing a lot of them. What bothered me was she kept saying negative things abt Herself “I can’t study!” “I’m scared to talk to her” “I’m not good at this” “I hate the way I am” SO I decided this has to stop. Speech is powerful. I did a psychology experiment and to summarize basically boys had to take shots of basketball and first they took a few shots and got some in and then they repeated phrases like “I’m good at this game!” “I can do it” 5x and took more shots and got so much more in! It really works. My sister wrote down 5 positive phrases and I made her repeat it 5x until she was smiling and felt confident. It really helps,

Especially since my rabbi always taught me “with Judaism, you have to FAKE it till you MAKE it!” Meaning act like ur happy doing a mitzvah and pretty soon u will

Be. Or it could mean act like u love yourself and you’ll actually come to love urself. So know that there’s nothing wrong with “faking” we learn “betoch sheloh lishmah Ba lishma!”

Good luck with everything I wish u much beracha in the future. And remember instead of repeating in ur head and writing in cr that ur a loser and failure, say “I’m a winner and I am friendly and smart, and sensitive and kind!” And ull see how fast ur words will turn from “fake” to real 🙂

Keep climbing- Just want to let you know that I know exactly what you are going through as I am going through the same things as you are now experiencing. The only difference is that I was born deaf (but now I can hear normally), so life is way harder for me unlike you.

I also don’t get why our lives has to be this way, I always wish that I can disappear and start again, learning from the mistakes I made in this lifetime. But I do know from rabbis I have spoken to, that Hashem has a mission for each of us, our lifestyle tailored to carry out the tafkid assigned to us.

Be Strong.

Together, with faith,unity, and true friendship we can declare to our Commander-in Chief “Mission Accomplished!” and be rewarded with the arrival of Moshiach, and for the world to be united in REAL friendships. The kind of friends that we can always count on!

I am rooting for you! If you think that you don’t have any friends, bear in mind you DO have a friend (me) since I know what you are going through as I am personally.

I’m reading all this, and I SOOOO wish I could be a part of it…and give chizuk….I’m crying right now, I have so much emotions and feelings and things to say and I just don’t know how to put it into writing…

I doubt I have anything too add to any of these people…I’m younger than you…so ya.

I wish I could do something to help, I really, really do.

Keep strong. That’s what they tell me.

Sometimes, I wonder, what exactly IS being strong?

Is it not crying? Putting on a smile and pretending it’s Ok? Fighting back???

None. Being strong means to be able to understand your feeling and deal with them in some way where you aren’t either:

1) Going to sleep till it’s all over

2) An emotional wreck 24/7

It’s okay to break down, have panic attacks, and so on. I mean it’s not okay, but that’s your body releasing it’s emoitions.

With no support group or way to vent or express your feelings besides from here, I ‘d be surprised if you didn ‘t have a panic attack or break down at least once a week.

I do, and that’s okay, cuz Hashem knows, that I can deal with that, till my shaliach comes to teach me other methods.

I suggest something very simple and easy.But on the other hand very hard to do.

Think of something you like to do, if you can’t think of one, find one. Sports, writing, playing a musical instrument or drawing. It dosen’t matter, take that and express yourself through it.

For example, I’m a writer, I write songs, stories, articles, poems, journal, thoughts, to Hashem, To myself, questions…Anything!

When I feel so much things and everything is changing to something else or another feeling every second, I sit and write.

Ex: Q What are feeling?

than I think and write

A. ______, __________, and _______

Q. Why are you feeling that way? what triggered you to feel that way? How can you deal with this feeling? How can it bring you higher? help you improve? what can we learn from this situation, or what he said, or how I reacted? What can I work on? How can I make me better? How can I treat people in the future differently? How can I fix this? Can I call a hotline? Ask a rav, by phone, email, fax, or mail, or in person?

This is just a little of what I do.

You know yourself best.

Search yourself, find yourself, understand yourself.

No one can do that job for you.

I have found most answers lie in me, either I didn’t see them, and I had to think or didn’t want to admit them.

When people ask me, if my life is hard, when they hear something else has gone crazy in my life. I tell them.

Life wasn’t meant to be easy, then It would be boring wouldn’t it???? Than I usually laugh and walk away.

It’s Okay to be sad, it is. It’s okay to cry.

I know someone, she was born without the ability of tears. I feel so bad for her, she was born without the ability to feel, if she gets hurt, physically and emotioanally….an I daven, I daven.

I’m davening, for you, and for every other one in the CR….that all their problems, they should be able to handle and make them stronger.

And that Moshiach should come soon, that this should be the last Tishbiav….