Social anxiety

Dont think youre crazy for fearing rejection. Everybody does, only some people are bolder than others. Secondly, rejection does happen; its a part of life. Be it with friends, shidduchim, job interviews etc. So although you cant always avoid it, you can learn how to deal with it in case it does happen. Knowing youll be ok in the end no matter what happens gives you more confidence. For example, someone who was dating someone for a while and then gets rejected is bound to feel hurt. But they know that in the end theyll get married and be happy and that rejection was just a small bump in the road that they needed to cross to get to where they are now. You can also shift your perspective of what rejection means. If it means that youre a loser and unworthy, youll have an intense fear of being rejected. But if you say that rejection means that you simply didnt get what you wanted or expected then rejection is more about that rather than about you as a person. One last point. Imagine a man sees a diamond on the floor. Not knowing what its worth, he just throws it away. Does that tell you something about the man or about the diamond? Of course the man! So too,if someone rejects you, dont let that define your self worth. It simply says something about the one who rejected you. That person isnt worth your time. I know its easier said than done. But its possible. You can do it! That said, there are many good people out there who can turn into amazing friends. Try to break out of your comfort zone bit by bit and find those people!! Loads of luck…

I dont know what the cause could be but maybe when youre feeling ok you all of a sudden have a fear that something could go wrong and that causes you to feel stressed out and unhappy.

A Gitte Voch Keep Climbing!

First of all I want to tell that I went through a similar obstacle course (!) like you as a Bochur (probably worse).

I’m not a licensed Therapist (yet) , so speak it over with one before doing anything I tell you.

I wanted to give you a few tips that I think helped me, in order for this to help you can’t give up and even if you fall through, you just keep going:

1. If you ever have an urge to check if someone is looking, watching, laughing, at you in a negative way – DO NOT LOOK, it will be very painful because the natural instinct is to look. But Please do not look, you can do it.

How it works is that every time you don’t look you are subconsciously sending a message to your brain that you have nothing to be afraid of anyone laughing or watching you.

After doing so again and again the message becomes internalised.

2. Keep in mind that Hashem only sends Nisyones to people that could withstand the test, and obviously you could, If Hashem sent you this test.

3. I know, and you should know that you are a Strong person.

The whole thing you are going through is to develop your strongness just like an Athlete has to go through excruciating training to build his strength.

4. Never try to impress anyone other than Hashem. Never say anything because you want to impress someone, if you have a good joke say it because you’re enjoying life, and this is part of life. Never do something just to be cool. If you did something you feel cool about, do not look if someone saw you do that, enjoy it for yourself.

If you keep on teaching your brain that you do not rely on anyone but Hashem you will “Keep Climbing”.

You should also know that the whole social life in Yeshiva is a joke, now of course it’s very important to be social and you should always strive to be so, what I’m meaning to say is that give it a few years and you’re out of Yeshiva, and aside from the occasional Simcah you won’t meet your Yeshiva friends.

In conclusion don’t feel pressured about this too much, you will I’yh come it over, I feel so, seeing your personality in your writing.

I personally did not take Medication or go for Therapy, I think you could use a good Therapist that would connect to you.

I recommend Shmelka Klein from Toshia in Boro Park.

Keep Smiling Good days are coming!

I feel for you, I am extremely short and was bullyed too. mercilessly, in fact it came to a point where I had to change yeshivas. you may be in such a situation now where it would be best to switch to a higher level yeshiva where the age and maturity level is higher. once I got to the mir, the teasing all but stopped, and if anyone said anything a ” excuse me but I don’t appreciate that was enough to stop it” it may also help you to avoid those people and associate with more aidel people who you know wont push you around. and there is nothing to be ashamed about regarding your height. that’s how hashem created you and if someone points out your height, view it as if he said ” do you know that you have two eyes” its really the same thing.

And short stature will not get in the way of life. I’m sure you know of all the gedolim who were incredibly short but even in the secular world, some of those who had humongous impacts were extremely short for example; Yuri Gagarin ,Mahatma Gandhi, James Madison,Ludwig Van Beethoven, Andrew Carnegie

napoleon Bonaparte and Voltaire. Madison is the giant among these names at 5′ 4. these are some of the biggest name in music, philosophy, music, finance, and world events and they were all shorter then most in their era. take a page from them and don’t let your height get in the way. the only thing that matters is your will to succeed

Im supposed to be studying for a murder final now but I cant stop thinking about this. I give you so much credit for sticking it out. Really

I agree with buisness1 100%. you are an inspiration for all of us. and about working out, I go to the gym everyday and besides for the health benefits, there are many other benefits as well for instance, it lowers stress levels and is a great confidence booster. those who are just post-workout rate higher for mood, memory and energy — and lower for depression, tension and anxiety. a reason why that is is that Exercise ‘exercises’ our feelings of control. We put one foot in front of the other. We move faster. We balance and re-balance. We respond to unexpected forces with activity. We are in control. We succeed. As a result, when we encounter other stressors in our life, we feel that we are more in control.

And don’t think that working out is “goyish” that’s just dumb. if you feel uncomfortable lifting weights, then run on a treadmill or elliptical.

Just letting you know that im thinking of you. Hope today was ok.

I feel so bad about everything that youre going through. I was always told that high school isnt everything but I never believed it. Now that im graduating, I really see its true. Theres so much more out there and the kids who intimidated you arent going to be around you any more.and then real life starts and you figure out what you want to do with yourself and where you see yourself in a number of years. I dont blame you for letting those kids get you down because most people who would have to put up with this would go absolutely crazy. About forgiving them, I could tell you that youre only hurting yourelf by holding a grudge and things like that but as true as it is, its so so hard to let go of everything they did. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy at all. But im telling you from experience that time really does heal. One day when youre having an easier time iyh youll look back and be able to forgive them. Now youre feeling very resentful and rightly so. Please please dont be scared to walk past them or anything! Show that you arent afraid of them even if you really are! Thats the best comeback. I know its not so easy but try it a few times and then itll happen naturally. Yes, itll take lots of inner strength but like you said yesterday, Hashem doesnt give you something you cant handle. Thinking of you all the time (seriously) and im hoping that today will be a good day!

I fail to understand the fear of being on medication for the rest of your life if you had high blood pressure or high cholesterol you would gladly take meds for it because you don’t want to die of heart disease why is anxiety medicine any different it will help you live a better life of at some later point you feel its not necessary than go ahead with a doctors advice stop taking it. Wishing you all the best.

It sure does! Its a normal feeling if you’re made to feel worthless. Here are some quotes that I live by. Thought you might like them too: 1)life doesn’t give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need.to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to support you to become the person you know you can be. 2)do it because they said you couldn’t 3) only G-d can turn a mess into a message, a test into a testimony, a trial into a triumph, a victim into a victory. 4) youve only got 3 choices in life: give up, give in, or give it all youve got 5) when you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on 6) tell the person who bullies you the most “its over,” and walk away from the mirror 7) you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have

@keep climbing: hope you had a good day…

If you would have only read my post you wouldn’t of had so many questions.

Resilience comes eventually so although you may not see it now, you will eventually. Youll see that whatever youre going through is making you stronger. Working on yourself is a form of avodas hashem because we were out on this world to struggle and to become better people. Happiness is definitely a result of working on yourself but it isnt the only thing you get out of it. In addition, struggling with life situations and trying to do whats right translates into every aspect of your life. If you work hard on something and see it through until the end, youll be that way when it comes to doing mitzovs and things. And although it may look as though someone has a better life naturally,I can assure you that theres something that theyre struggling with. Nobodys exempt from problems!

After reading what you wrote, I literally started crying. Maybe cuz im a girl but im really not the type to cry easily. Its just that its obvious how much pain youre in and I feel so so horrible about that. I wish there was something I could do. I wish I can give it to those idiotic kids who hurt you so much and who dont realize the impact of their actions. Its true that you have a lot to contend with and its so hard for you but I can promise you that it WILL get better. You wont have to spend the rest of your life this way. Please believe me.your experiences are making you into such an amazing person. Youre going to end up so strong and youre going to always be able to understand others in pain. I cant think of a greater virtue than that. Please stay strong… im thinking about you all the time…

I also started crying when I read your post. I’m thinking of you, and I daven that Hashem should give you the strength and wherewithal to overcome this difficult situation that you are going through!!

And regarding the people that bully you: My Pre 1-A sister was once very upset at a girl in her class that constantly bothered others. She told me, “I daven to Hashem that He should help so-and-so stop bothering everyone.” When someone feels the need to put another person down, it’s truly they who have problems!

BE STRONG and may you have much Hatzlacha and Se’ata Dishmaya!!!

keep climbing,

Please read this!!!

I’m going to leave the real advice for those more experienced and mature than me. But I do have a few things I want to say.

1. Dont think you’re alone in this situation. Just reread this thread- numerous people have admitted that they used to be in your situation and now are leading successful lives. There is hope.

2. You need to realize that what you are going through is painful, but IT IS JUST A CHAPTER IN THE BOOK OF LIFE. I put that in caps lock because if you dont realize this, you will feel much unneeded pain. Yes, right now you may feel alone. But someday you will get through the tunnel, and will enjoy life.

3. Find a rebbi that you feel is a person you look up to, and aspire to be someday, and TALK. Connect. It wasn’t so long ago that the highlight of my day was the time i spent on the coffee room. After i summed up the courage to open up to a rebbetzin that i respect, things changed SO MUCH! Reach out, please.

4. Someday, you will think back to this awful period of time and thank Hashem for it. Hashem only tests you if He knows that you need it to reach your full potential. I know its hard to believe, but its true.

you are in my thoughts and prayers,

taom

@keep climbing. Its true that its hard to open up to someone maybe because you have a fear of them betraying you. Like ive written in an earlier post,rejection happens and the key is not avoiding it, its learning how to deal with it. Like you said, its also embarrassing. Until recently,I felt like an epic failure because I had problems. I always wanted to be perfect. Then I realized that theres no such thing. I began going to a therapist and after going a few times,I feel much more able to open up to her. I actually began liking her which I never thought is possible. Its the smartest move for you to make. You know theres a problem and you want to take care of it which is awesome. About connecting to someone, its only possible if you like them or respect them. I hated the first therapist I went to because I didnt like her. That said, I realized I wouldnt gain from going to her because I didnt value her opinion. It certainly seems like its a long chapter but you have so many more years ahead ahead of you iyh. In comparison to all that,think of this as one chapter. Theres so much you can still become. Dont ever give up! Im thinking of you constantly throughout the day and hoping that youre ok and not upset. Youll get through this! I promise! I have one question though. You seem to have alot of emuna. How do you hold on to that when things are so hard?

You bet its hard! I struggle with that alot. I know all those things on a logical level and its true that sometimes its easier to say than other times. For example, tonight I feel horrible. I feel fat even though im not really. I know its going to kill the next week because im going to keep being upset that I think I ate too much today. that gets me thinking things like why cant I be naturally skinny like so many other people? Why can everybody eat whatever they want and I need to watch every calorie? And I get really upset and dont accept the fact that this is how I was created. For some reason, i find it so hard to believe at times like this.

Must be hard especially when heights important by boys. Its probably also frustrating that theres nothing to do about it

@keep climbing: I hope you had a good day. Have a great shabbos! Hang in there…you could do it!

@keep climbing: didnt hear from you in a while… hope alls well…

kc: why don’t you get some shoe lifts that will make you look taller?

Not necessarily do you need to start things. you could go with the flow. Bouncing off someone else is not always a problem ( unless you physically bounce off them, which could hurt)

and plus I want you to understand this very well YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS! you have issue that you need to work on, but that change of perspective would do you well