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Queen Bee -“Agreed with OP. Why shouldn’t a girl be involved in school? Should she hide in a corner or make the most out of her experience?”
Where you ever in college? There is nothing wrong with being involved in school, but there probably is something wrong in offering to do something that requires socializing.
Taking a break -“is there a problem with being involved in one’s school? this is not for socialization. i did this to help new comers to the school.”
I believe you -that you do this to help others, but you missed my point. You volunteered for this position and basically even though you want to help the newbees, this position requires socialization with members of the opposite gender, whether they are Jews or not. A Bas Yisroel shouldn’t take a position where they have to socialize with the other gender. You aren’t answering their math questions, which requires absolutely no socializing.
I don’t want to get into arguments with anyone. I apologize if this offends:
Health, yes, I am a college graduate. Based on my personality, I am not the type of person to be involved with activities outside the actual classroom, but that is because of who I am. Guys asked me for help a few times (there were no Jews in any of my classes other than me), but I answered them politely, and they got the message.
If taking a break feels she has something to offer to other students, that is her decision. You and everyone else, to be frank, really have no right to tell her what to do. She is an adult, strong in her emunah, and she knows where to draw the line. Cut her some slack. How is she going to survive in the workplace? There will be situations where she may need to interact with men–non-Jews as well as frum guys–and she needs to learn how to deal with it. She can rise to top positions and may need to take others under her wing, like she’s doing in college. In my opinion, this is not as big of an issue as others think. I do agree that some frum girls may be affected differently in the same situation, but taking a break seems to handle herself well.
taking a break, sorry your thread exploded like this. I wish I can offer you some advice, but my college days were get in, get out, get my degree–very different than your experience. I wish you lots of hatzlacha.
Also, my school had many functions, where there was plenty of room for socializing (and free pizza), but I chose not to attend. Each person should do what he/she feels is appropriate.
taking a break -“socializing is talking for no reason. answering a question is NOT socializing in my book.”
A few people here have said the same thing, not just me. If it’s not required for the degree, why do it? Maybe technically it’s answering their questions, but it’s also socializing. Your aquainting them to the college -this is a form of socializing. This isn’t the same as helping s/o with a math or whatever question. And to prove I’m right, some men have used this to try and get to know you or compliment you.
Health, while I understand your position, I think taking a break is mature and responsible enough to know how to conduct herself properly in the position she is in. For other people, it may be a cause for concern and detrimental to take such a position, but it seems taking a break is above that, and is doing a fine job. I respect her choice to take the job she has, and I’m sure she is wonderful, and conducts herself professionally, at it.
The difference between teh 2 situations is obvious. If you do not want this Jewish guy to compliment you anymore or attempt to socialize with you then give him the cold shoulder and don’t attempt any eye contact with him. If you have to talk to him or advise him and he make sanymore compliments about you, just ignore it or try to and continue with the job at hand….i don’t know this guys personality and if he is persistant, but your job is to be focused like you were with the non jewish person if thats what you want.
taking a break -“can you just give me advice how to keep it safe?”
If he asks you for advice – just tell him the answer. If he says something out of line – just say – “Let’s keep this professional and not personal -Thank you”.
“socializing is talking for no reason. answering a question is NOT socializing in my book. that’s what this advising is.”
taking a break,
Please understand a man’s Yetser Hara can be cunning. Some men will ask for advice in order to get closer. From Health’s perspective, which I believe has much merit, you are opening yourself up to men to come to talk with you. It may start innocently, but that could be a ploy. Always remember to keep it professional and remind them of that when needed (as Health mentioned above).
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