so i blushed……

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  • #803737
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    ????

    #803738

    if you are trying to guess, you have 2 left

    Hint: more common then seraach

    #803739
    Tomche
    Member

    She said “my name is not unusual or unique.”

    #803740
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    ????

    #803741

    less common than Esther

    #803742
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Probably it is speech therapy school, and it is a bit weird for a frum guy to be doing it anyway. In which case the guy might be just a bit odd.

    And I’ll let someone else have the last guess. (Unless we each get three).

    Wait! Maybe he was complimenting your last name. Is that a pretty name?

    #803744

    i’ll be nice. you can ALL have 3 guesses 🙂 but i wont tell you who is right. and its not speech therapy.

    and it wasnt my last name he was complimenting. i dont think he could pronounce my on the first shot

    #803745
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Give us another hint.

    Is it in torah, neviim, or kesuvim? Or more than one?

    Is it a good person or a bad person?

    #803746

    nevi’im. and a good person.

    #803747
    LuvMe
    Member

    Popa – can i guess? i’m guessing devorah

    #803748
    Queen Bee
    Member

    Michal?

    #803749
    Sam2
    Participant

    Michal makes sense. It can’t be a common name or too-well-known personality because then there would be nothing to make the name remarkable.

    #803750

    sorry. michal is not my name. but it is a nice name IMHO

    #803751
    Queen Bee
    Member

    Aw, I thought I guessed right! Can I guess again? Batsheva? If you don’t answer, that means I’m right! 😉

    #803752

    sorry, my name has not been mentioned yet. told you its not so common 🙂

    #803753
    mewho
    Participant

    giving compliments is a terrible thing. it is not tznius. we allknow that compliments lead to blushing and that leads to untznius thoughts.

    if you must give a compliment it should be on the other side of a mechitza

    #803754
    Queen Bee
    Member

    Okay, one last guess: Avigayil?

    #803755

    very close 😉

    #803756
    Health
    Participant

    Taking a break – You seem to be avoiding the point me and minyan gal brought up. What kind of school does this? I’ve been in many colleges – Jewish and not and not one has ever done this.

    If you put a guy in an awkward situation, it might not be so surprising when he does something wrong, esp. if he never had any coed experience before.

    Why do take it as whatever the college proclaims is the norm?

    Did anyone question this college’s absurd policy?

    I blame the college a lot more than the guy. This is called being “Dan L’caf Zecus”!

    #803757
    Tomche
    Member

    Bullseye! Bullseye! Bullseye!

    #803758
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Hmmmm. Avigail is close. Naval?

    #803759

    this is a NON jewish school that gets a number of frum people. i dont want to say what type of school it is for dif reasons. i’ll say its in the medical field (OT, PT, SLP, nursing…. ) i actually offered to be a peer adviser for the school. as i mentioned before, i did not know from his name he was a frum guy. this is not my first year in college and have had to deal with men, frum, non-frum and goyish. i have goyim compliment me, but i gave them the cold shoulder to show them they over stepped the boundary. B”H they got the message. what i really want to know now is how do i make sure he doesnt get the wrong message about me. what i mean to say is i can’t shirk my responsibilities but how do i keep it professional?

    tomche: 😉

    PBA: QB got the name, you got the spelling 🙂

    #803762
    Health
    Participant

    taking a break – Most of my schooling was in the medical field and what your college is asking people to do is far from the norm.

    I would get out of this assignment and ask them how come they do it, when no one else does?

    #803763
    Queen Bee
    Member

    Yay 🙂

    #803764

    health: please stop referring to it as an “assignment”. its not a school project, its part of school government. my duties are to answer any questions my advisees (i have 4) have about the school, classwork, teachers, exams, policies. its on a PRN basis. meaning if any of my advisees have no questions, then i dont have to do anything. last year i had a peer adviser and i asked her questions in the beginning of the year. after that, i didnt need her any more once i got used to the school. if he asks questions, i can answer them. how do i keep this strictly school related and doesn’t become non school related with out giving a cold shoulder

    #803765
    shlishi
    Member

    I don’t think it was right that everyone badgered Avigail until she told us her name.

    #803766
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I don’t think it was right that everyone badgered Avigail until she told us her name.

    Maybe. But I still think it’s a pretty name. Hee hee.

    #803767

    PBA thanx (blush)

    shlishi, if i didnt want to say my name, i wouldn’t of responded. I like my name B”H and i live up to my name. BA”H, my father shepps alot of nachas from me

    #803768
    Queen Bee
    Member

    shlishi, no one “badgered” her. She gave us permission to guess three names.

    Avigail, if it did bother you, I apologize.

    Oh, I forgot to add that I think it’s a pretty name too 🙂

    #803769
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    taking a break, I really think the best way to let him know that is by telling him straight out, but politely of course, that you wish to have a strictly in-school and only school-related, relationship.

    About another issue, I personally feel that it is not nice to give anyone the cold shoulder for a compliment, Jew or non-Jew. There are other ways to give the message to “back off” that are more polite. Giving the cold shoulder can be viewed as rude, and can possibly lead to a chillul hashem.

    And I happen to think Avigail is a very pretty name.

    #803770
    Tomche
    Member

    FROM:

    popa_bar_abba

    Sometimes a Bit Over the Top. (And occasionally WAY over.)

    I’ve heard of loads of girls names and have never been tempted to tell someone it was a pretty name.

    POSTED 1 DAY AGO #

    TO:

    popa_bar_abba

    Sometimes a Bit Over the Top. (And occasionally WAY over.)

    I still think it’s a pretty name.

    POSTED 13 MINUTES AGO #

    What gives? You never heard the name before?

    #803771
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    ummmmm

    #803772
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    tab; always be curt, serious, brief, being brief is the key,

    answers what you have to, then turn your attention elsewhere as if you have somewhere to be, s/t to do. Don’t linger, will give him the wrong message.

    Although MidPath makes a good point. and I’d take his advice. It’s important to note sometimes guys take this, telling them nicely you wish to have a professional etc.. as a message that they have to work harder to get your attention win you over , and this could lead to you changing your mind when they win you over.

    However showing that your totally not interested physically giving him a curt not interested vibe that gets the message across way better. Don’t be rude, just act totally not interested.

    #803773
    Health
    Participant

    taking a break – Not to condone the guy’s behavior, but what’s a Frum girl doing joining student gov., esp. when it’s basically just socializing?

    #803774
    Toi
    Participant

    anyone think of just telling him WHY your having this dilemma. then he’ll understand himself instead of feeling brushed off.

    #803775

    Is there really such thing as “pretty names” or do men just think that a name is pretty because they associate it with a pretty girl?

    #803776

    Health: i am not part of student gov. i am not a senator, VP or prez. the coordinator of the peer advisers to advisees is overseen by the SG. neither of us are part of the SG. as i stated before, the advising is PRN. AS NEEDED meaning there should not be a relationship that is not school related. if he asks a question about the way the teacher gives an exam, i think its OK to answer it. if he asks me more personal questions, then yes, i know to change the subject and “brush him off” gently of course.

    #803777

    Health: why do i feel like i am defending my choice to be involved in my school?

    #803778
    Obaminator
    Member

    why do i feel like i am defending my choice to be involved in my school?

    A) Because of the situation you described in the OP.

    B) Because you brought this subject up for discussion.

    #803779

    this is a discussion board. correct. and yes i made the OP. but its not like i stated the halacha wrong that i need to be attacked. i came here for advice, not to be put down and ridiculed.

    is there a problem with being involved in one’s school? this is not for socialization. i did this to help new comers to the school. did i know i would be the adviser for a frum guy? no i did not know. now that i know, i asked how do i keep it a kosher relationship? Bein hasdorim is the only one who answered my question. so thank you, BH. does anyone else have any eitzos now that i have to deal with this situation?

    #803781
    Obaminator
    Member

    I think its fair for posters to point out the dangers of being involved in “this situation” in the first place.

    #803782
    Queen Bee
    Member

    Agreed with OP. Why shouldn’t a girl be involved in school? Should she hide in a corner or make the most out of her experience? I commend taking a break for realizing a possible dangerous/uncomfortable situation, and instead of pushing it aside or going with the flow, she asked advice for the best approach to deal with it.

    I’m new here, but I noticed some posters are quick to judge and attack. We should all try to treat one another with respect.

    #803783
    emunah613
    Member

    Be kind, helpful and straightforward. Going to a new school is intimidating. And costs a fortune. There are all kinds of pressures to excel. I’ll bet that somewhere this guy is agonizing over what he said to you and is worrying if he offended you. Or else, he is clueless. Nevertheless if he needs help you can be mentschlech and give him the info he needs. If you are going to be in a health related field you will probably have frum male clients at one time or another. Pretend this guy is one of them and act like a professional would behave towards a patient. It will be good practice! IF he continously makes odd remarks that cause you to feel uncomfortable, then you need to ask to have him transferred to another advisor. Bhatzlocha in your studies!

    I am so relieved to know that there are girls out there like you! It gives me hope for my sons!

    #803784
    Obaminator
    Member

    These types of situations is one of the reasons rabbonim are anti-college.

    #803785
    ploiderer1
    Participant

    A tempest in a teapot. Just chill. Nothing happened and if you ignore it it will remain nothing.

    #803786
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    taking a break, you are doing the right thing by being involved in your school, and you are also doing the right thing by bringing an issue that have to our attention to get advice with. Bein Hasdorim gave very good advice, and I agree with it. And Queen Bee is correct for saying that we shouldn’t be quick to judge and attack.

    taking a break, I feel I owe you an apology for judging you about giving non-Jews the cold shoulder. Regardless of what I believe, I should not have said what I said to you, and I’m so sorry.

    #803787

    apology accepted. but i do have to say you are correct in that no one deserves a cold shoulder and i agree with you. one goy in particular wasn’t getting the hint that i didn’t want his attention so i had to ignore him and kinda be short with him. B”H he got the hint.

    #803788
    Hacham
    Member

    Hmmm, another guy, and a goy no less, was also giving you unwarranted attention? Honestly this whole situation stinks.

    #803789

    this goyish guy is no longer in the college

    #803790
    WIY
    Member

    Hacham

    “Hmmm, another guy, and a goy no less, was also giving you unwarranted attention? Honestly this whole situation stinks.”

    I agree but I didnt want to be the first one to say it.

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