Singles in The Frum Community

[sarah_613]

I am a single in my early 30s. I do not feel that the community makes a place or gives any understanding to anyone who is single and over 25. Everything is geared to couples and families. Why am I considered a competant adult in my office but only a “girl” once I leave? When I go to a relative’s wedding or bar mitzvah, why do you sit me with the kids? Especially when there is separate seating, why can’t you sit me with people who are not talking about finals and teenaged issues?

And do not assume that there is something wrong with me just because I am single. Today I was standing with 2 people. One asked how a mutual friend of theirs was doing. The other responded, “She’s still single. Which is odd because she is such a nice person. Who knows what hidden issues people have?!” And neither of them seemed to have realized that they just implied that I have some major underlying issue.

When you get married, do not forget your single friends. I have so many friends who seem to have disappeared once they get married. I understand that you have new and different obligations, but you can still call every once and a while or return my calls. It hurts a lot when you go from asking me to help with planing the vort or wedding but then to never hear from you again after sheva brachos.

Invite singles for Shabbos meals–it’s such a family-focused time and it is so lonely to make kiddush and motzei alone. Open invitations are nice, but many people don’t feel comfortable inviting themselves over and will feel they are an imposition if they’re not invited for a specific meal.

There’s so much more to say, but I want to see what kind of response this gets. Some of the ywn commentors can be mean and judgemental, and I don’t want this to turn into something bashing those who are single. Contrary to what some people say, we do not want to be single. But for myself at least, I also don’t want to marry someone just for the sake of being married. I have seen too many friends who did that and who I believe are unhappy.

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