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Can anyone tell me some tips of the CR, which coffeeroomer not to start up with?
I’ve sort of have a list, since I was muted for quite a while now, but I would still love your input.
Thanks in AdvanceWelcome Overworked Mom 🙂
Glad that you joined us! Hopefully you’ll enjoy your time here and learn a lot of good stuff 🙂
Umm… we all have our nuances, and at the end of the day, I like that about the CR.
Also, it may be considered lashon hara to answer your OP.
… anyway… again, Welcome 🙂
Joseph is Joseph.
Yay!! That’s true: Joseph is Joseph 🙂
Another fyi, post times are the time that the Mod approved your post (not the time that you submitted the post, which used to be this way).
For a while, Mods had a siesta from 7-10pm. I don’t know if that’s still their naptime (guessing that they are bust IRL then).
The good news here is that the Mods bring us yummy stuffed cabbage when they return. It’s magical stuffed cabbage, turning fleishig when you’re fleishig, and milchig if you’re milchig, and parev if you want ~ Mods are very talented 🙂
What do you mean that you were muted?
Welcome!
Also, please note that LB is one of the nicest posters in the CR. She is definitely NOT someone you have to stay away from.
As for posters not to start up with, as LB wrote, it would be Loshon Hara. Also sometimes, it’s a matter of “getting” people and figuring out how to relate to and react to the particular poster. You kind of figure it out with time.
When I first joined the CR about a year ago, a very wise poster named Little Froggie pointed out that I should have lurked for a while before posting. After being here a year, I see his point.
Well then, according to LF, that is the way to do it!
Your biography on your profile page is something most users don’t bother filling out. 🙁
A little light trolling is to be expected. Sometimes it gets a little further than that.
Some topics, such as dogs, shidduchim and avoda zara, always turn into huge fights. If that’s your style, enjoy.
Occasionally that will happen to seemingly benign threads as well.
Some of us miss subtitles. I ranted about it recently. You might have noticed.OverworkedMom: Don’t start up with any poster. Read what the opening post of the thread is, read the responses and respond accordingly. You will know (sometime within minutes) that someone disagrees with you. Just be prepared that you may have to defend what you wrote. I use the following adage from the late Sen. Daniel Moynihan: “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion; no one is entitled to their own set of facts”. If you think that a poster is misstating a fact, don’t be afraid to say so. Be prepared to defend your opinion. Some of us post things and after reading what others say will retract if the other posters logic is better; sometimes we dig in our heels and stubborn. Also realize that men and women approach issues from very different perspectives.
Welcome to the forum.
Thank YOU LU ☺☺☺💖💖💖💜💜💜💜💚💚💚💛💛💛
Overworked Mom: ABOUT LU 😊
LU is an amazing support and kli filled with good and brachot.She is very well-read, and is a go-to if you’re looking for someone to recommend wonderful Jewish books.
Also, LU is extremely resourceful with contacts in the US and Israel, and can often assist you in reaching out to someone to help you locally, if need be, by providing direction on who to contact specifically 🙂
Nechomah 💖 and WinniethePooh 💓 are also super helpful and you’re blessed if they pop up to chime in on threads.
Health! Comes in with exclamation marks that will grow on you, to the point that you appreciate the enthusiasm ☺
Mod-29 pops in once in a while to say hello and voice Mod’s opinion and feelings 😊
CTLAWYER knows stuff!
Avram in MD brings in new information.
RebYidd23 has a fabulous mind and sense of humor ❤
It’s really hard to talk about people without feeling like everyone else deserves mention… because you all do! ☺☺☺
But to answer your question about steering clear… it’s personalities and what you mesh with.
Also, I find that I avoid certain threads, rather than people.
For example, presidential politics… I pulled out quickly and Baruch Hashem haven’t looked back!
If a thread bugs you, you don’t have to respond.
Okay the end and Shavua tov ☺☺☺
LB – thanks for the good words! And mostly, thanks for being the nicest poster!
LB, I don’t mind you mot mentioning me, I haven’t “graced” this place with one of my “specialties” for some time… No, LB, I’m referring to those way before your time here… B”H most of the crowd here have long forgotten… I’ve somewhat “graduated”!!! (did I?) I used to live for this place, in this place 26/6, it doesn’t pull me that much anymore. Maybe it’s the new format (I HATE IT!!), maybe the turnover of “membership” (participantship), or maybe it’s just plain that I matured slightly… I don’t crave for that BIG BANG or SPLASH I used to.
No, I didn’t say or imply I’m leaving in the near future, only that I lost that addiction / craving for the unique camaraderie over here. Who knows, maybe there are real people out there to connect with?!?
Another force pushing me out is the knowledge that everything I write is chewed up (regurgitated and re-chewed) by family members. I’ve long lost my privacy… I cannot really write what I’d like to, nor express my true inner feelings to the world out there… to many relatives know my name (and worse – share my pieces!!). No – creating a new S/N unfortunately won’t fool them (someone please draw a sad faced thingy for me).
😣😣😭
Go ahead, admit it. It’s the lack of subtitles – 29
To add to LB’s list:
Little Froggie is the resident hidden tzaddik who actually has a life but occasionally deigns to share his wise words of wisdom with the masses
Yekke2 is the resident Yeshiva Bochur who, B”H, is busy shteiging most of the time and only joins the CR during bein hazmanim on his heavily filtered computer (definitely no smartphones c”v for him). He is responsible for many of the halachic discussions that take place in the CR, and he can be recognized by his British tact and politeness. He generally tries to steer clear of arguments and knows how to get along with all types of people, but if c”v, anyone says anything against the Torah or Gedolei HaTorah, he will become like Pinchas, defending Kavod HaTorah full-force. He is amongst the most intelligent posters and approaches things from a Torah perspective.
Daas Yachid has a dry sense of humor and is very good at getting to the point in a few words. He is also very good at seeing the point (which often eludes most posters as they get tangled in arguments that have nothing to do with the discussion at hand) in the first place. He is also one of the best at approaching things from a Torah perspective and although quite nice, will stand up for Kavod HaTorah when necessary.
I’ll try to add more later, b”n.
there’s a very good chance that this is a very bad idea.
Hey Froggie – hope you don’t feel bad. (we haven’t forgotten our more sensitive posters…) if I was going that route, which I for obvious reason am not, I would have put you on there. So there!
(so what kinda stuff did the relatives say about you, hmm?)
Overworked Mom:
(hey, wait a minute, the only overworked mom I know is Frogette.. and she certainly does not visit these hallowed walls of the CR (she’s too overworked!)).. (oops.. maybe it’s my mother… na.. since I got married and moved out she resumed breathing)
Take everything slowly, learn the “language” (Shparch). It takes time to get used to, with the time you’ll make friends with the kind of people you care. I didn’t – I jumped in way too fast, did not and could not understand the ins and outs, and ended up getting terribly burned. Um… yes, it hurt…
So generally, if you take it easy, are considerate and care for other’s and their feelings, you’ll have no problem.
בהצלחה!
there’s a very good chance that this is a very bad idea.
There’s a very good chance that that’s a very good point.
LU, have you changed your mind?
Syag, you are right that this can be a bit sensitive, but we can be careful, and with good modding (which the mods here always provide), this can be very productive.
RebYidd23: It is not easy to moderate based on omissions.
Posters need to take responsibility for their own words (written or not) too.
thank you 100, that was exactly what I was going to say. There are additional issues regarding praising someone in front of others who may disagree and I am not sure that it is worth taking the risk of hurting someones feelings anytime, especially elul time.
“There are additional issues regarding praising someone in front of others who may disagree”
I had thought of that but was: a: hoping that no one would think of doing something like that, especially during Elul
and b) if c”v they would, I was assuming that the moderators would not let it go through.It’s not about voicing it. It’s still not okay.
DY – 1. I don’t know if I would have started the list in the first place, but once it was started, I thought that adding to it could only help. The point was to undo any “damage” if in fact any “damage” had taken place.
2. Also, I’m not sure the two are the same thing. If you say that you want to meet x and don’t mention y, it may be insulting to y. But I am not sure that choosing to describe a few posters is the same thing. According to that logic, it is always insulting to say something nice about someone because someone else could be insulted.
3. If anyone feels that someone has been left out, they can write about them. There is no one reason why something can’t be said about every poster. And if anyone feels that he was forgotten about, he can say something, and someone can mention him, as LF did above.
4. While it’s great that people are being sensitive to others’ feelings, I actually thought this was one of the nicest and least insulting threads around. I would prefer that people spend time posting on a thread like this than many of the others I’ve seen (and try to avoid).
While I think it’s really special that people are being so ultra-sensitive to others’ feelings, personally, I think that such sensitivity would be better-placed in trying to avoid posts that insult other posters and/or asking the moderators to delete such posts.
As someone who has been badly burned in the coffee room, I am happy that there are actually posters who are taking the time to say nice things about other posters for a change.
lol, nothing like a little dig while defending posting nice things about people
“It’s not about voicing it. It’s still not okay.”
I don’t think that’s true. I think that halachically the only problem is if it voiced. Actually, in this case, I think it would be a positive thing – those who disagree can work on trying to see those people in a better light and try to figure out why others see things that way.
Chofetz Chaim – A daily companion – Day 74
” One should not praise someone in public,” says the chofetz chaim. This is because the law of averages dictates that there will be at least one person who either is jealous of the person or has something against him – in which case the praise is sure to set off a negative reaction.LU
“don’t know if I would have started the list in the first place, but once it was started, I thought that adding to it could only help. …”The opposite is true. Praising a poster or two isnt insulting. Once you start listing posters it is inevitable that someone will be omitted.
” Also, I’m not sure the two are the same thing. If you say that you want to meet x and don’t mention y, it may be insulting to y. But I am not sure that choosing to describe a few posters is the same thing. ”
The exact opposite is true. If you want to meet X in most cases Y wont get insulted. But if You ask to meet A, B, C, D, E …and X it is more than likely that Y will get insulted.“According to that logic, it is always insulting to say something nice about someone because someone else could be insulted.”
No, see above“. And if anyone feels that he was forgotten about, he can say something, and someone can mention him, ”
Ah but that is needy and petty (and obviously nobody will now believe me when I say that I am not in the least bit insulted that I wasnt listed here and that nobody wanted to meet me on the other thread, though I am not. I am not sure I believe myself)” While it’s great that people are being sensitive to others’ feelings, I actually thought this was one of the nicest and least insulting threads around. ”
Im fairly certain yo uare incorrect.DY – btw, I don’t think that I wrote that I necessarily agreed with you in the other thread either. I think that what I wrote was that you had a good point, which is not the same thing.
Ubiquitin: Well said. That’s what I was thinking; you explained it well.
Also, don’t feel bad. Had I made my list, I definitely would have considered putting you on it. 😉
(I would have to first price a bullet proof vest….)Ubiquitin:
LU
“don’t know if I would have started the list in the first place, but once it was started, I thought that adding to it could only help. …”“The opposite is true. Praising a poster or two isnt insulting. ”
There were several people praised – 8 to be precise (7 posters and 1 moderator). Someone else seemed to be insulted at being left out, so I thought I could “undo” any hurt feelings by mentioning him. At that point, I thought that it would be appropriate to mention others as well.
“Once you start listing posters it is inevitable that someone will be omitted.”
See above. Additionally, I posted that I was not finished. My intention was that between myself and others (whom I was hoping would join in), that all posters would eventually be included. Once the list had been started and so many people mentioned, I thought that it could only help to find nice things to say about everyone.
I do think that it would be nice if during Elul, we could find nice things to say about each other.
” Also, I’m not sure the two are the same thing. If you say that you want to meet x and don’t mention y, it may be insulting to y. But I am not sure that choosing to describe a few posters is the same thing. ”
“The exact opposite is true. If you want to meet X in most cases Y wont get insulted. But if You ask to meet A, B, C, D, E …and X it is more than likely that Y will get insulted.”You missed my point. Those weren’t the two things I was comparing. I was comparing asking to meet posters vs. writing nice things about them (the other thread vs. this thread). The comparison was about the topic (meeting vs. praising) not about the numbers. ( I see though why you misinterpreted my words).
“. And if anyone feels that he was forgotten about, he can say something, and someone can mention him, ”
“Ah but that is needy and petty”I don’t see it that way at all. I was going to say that perhaps it’s a male/female thing, but LF apparently didn’t see it that way. I also didn’t, as seen in the other thread. As soon as I mentioned that I felt left out, others made sure to include me (LF actually) and then I was happy.
But thank you for letting me know that you do feel that way. I wouldn’t have thought that anyone felt that way, so I’m glad to know. I would be interested in knowing what others think regarding that point.
Bu in any case, we still get back to my first two points (that several posters were already mentioned,and that the intention was to include everyone).
And by the way, I had you in mind when I wrote that I wasn’t finished my list yet. And I’m not just saying that – I am impeccably honest.
“Chofetz Chaim – A daily companion – Day 74
” One should not praise someone in public,” says the chofetz chaim. This is because the law of averages dictates that there will be at least one person who either is jealous of the person or has something against him – in which case the praise is sure to set off a negative reaction.”By negative reaction, it is referring to someone speaking badly about the person. This halacha is brought from Klal 9, seif 2. If you look it up, you will see that the Chofetz Chaim writes is that it’s a problem if someone might speak about him negatively. He also gives an example of a case in which someone thinks badly about him but doesn’t say anything, and he says that’s not a problem.
You are implying the chofetz chaim foundation published the wrong halacha in their book of halachos which thousands of people learn from daily. You should contact them about that before the next printing.
By negative reaction, it is referring to someone speaking badly about the person. This halacha is brought from Klal 9, seif 2. If you look it up, you will see that the Chofetz Chaim writes is that it’s a problem if someone might speak about him negatively.
If someone does post a negative response, but the moderators don’t let it through, is that included?
At shul, my rabbi publicly praises individual community members who helped set up an event, cooked the food, organized the table arrangements, and etc.
I know for a fact that others were involved in the planning and implementation of this event. My rabbi did not mention every single person’s name.
Are you saying that my rabbi was wrong too?
I will now commend every single poster of the cr for being the greatest things created. The world was created for YOU and you alone!!! JUst think about it- God made thousands of species of animals, fish, hundreds of flavors, every food has a different color, flavor, shape, smell……. all for YOU!!!!!!!!
Wooowwowowowowow!!!!DG – +1,000!
“You are implying the chofetz chaim foundation published the wrong halacha in their book of halachos which thousands of people learn from daily. You should contact them about that before the next printing.”
Reread my post. I implied no such thing. You, on the other hand have implied that I posted the incorrect halacha in the CR which thousands of people read.
I have not looked up your quote in the book you quoted, but I am going with the assumption that you quoted it accurately. If that is so, it is not incorrect – you simply misinterpreted the words “set off a negative reaction.”
Personally, I do not think that I would have made that mistake, but you should be aware in general whenever something is translated and/or cited, it is very easy to misunderstand the exact meaning. In fact, it is almost impossible not to, since there is no such thing as a precise translation. That is why it is always worthwhile to look things up in the original, especially before quoting them in a public place.
Even though I knew it was coming I still wish you could admit a mistakes and not push it back. I don’t need to reread your post. Frankly, I knew what you would say before you wrote it.
There is no misunderstanding of the words”set off a negative reaction”. I know very well what that means. But the Chofetz Chaim’s words were not to give words of praise in public. it does not say “IF you will set off a negative reaction” it does not say, “unless you know it won’t set off a negative reaction” It was NOT listed as a condition. It is very clear how it is written and IF you want to say that really he meant it to be a condition – then you are implying that the sefer was published with the wrong Halacha. Take it up with them, not me.
“Personally, I do not think that I would have made that mistake” can give the impression of arrogance and I don’t think any person should be so confident that they don’t make errors even where they least expect it.DY & Ubiquitin – I ‘m still waiting for you to read my post #1353914 and to apologize for inadvertently falsely accusing me of something that I didn’t do.
Thank you!
” it is very easy to misunderstand the exact meaning. In fact, it is almost impossible not to, since there is no such thing as a precise translation.”
That makes no sense. If that was even remotely true there would be no English translations. They would all be nichshol everyone who reads them. Did the gedolim miss that point when endorsing these volumes? Or was the point to say people who study from the English versions are inferior because they are not REALLY understanding Torah.
LU, I think the two threads are very similar, and that listing a bunch of posters in a positive way (want to meet, praise, etc.) is likely to cause hurt feelings.
The חפץ חים clearly says that the issue with praising in oublic is that people will say something negative.
It’s more likely that the author of the English sefer meant that than misunderstood the חפץ חים.
In the edition with הגהות, it says that based on the reasoning, if in fact the speaker determines that it won’t cause anyone to speak negatively, it is מותר if not excessive.
Maybe we can try again; a second chance; a do over. 🐣
So to make sure that everyone feels good, shall we now degrade any posters we previously praised? 😉
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