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I currently have a brother who is otd, and i was wondering if other people can tell me how they live with it. I truely love my brother and hope he will come back soon. I cant even blame him at all for what happend because it was horrible and alot of people I am sure would have buckled under what happend to him. Anyway I am taunted alot for my brother, and made fun about him! It really hurts me and i dont know what to do about it! I cant ask my parents, it is to difficult for me to talk to them about it! so do i respond to them, ignore them? please help me!!!
The Gemara says that those who can withstand an insult and not insult back bring Geulah to the world. However, that probably does not apply in such a case where by not showing the other girls that they are hurting you they will continue to be Over on many Aveiros D’Oraisa (Lashon Harah, Ona’as D’varim, and more). If I were in your shoes, I would respond that while your brother may currently be OTD in Bein Adam LaMakom, they are just as OTD in Bein Adam L’Chaveiro.
I dont know what to tell you, but hang in there! I am sure they just dont know how to react,so they are reacting the only way they now how. good luck
You really need to speak to your parents about this.
This is the next big problem for us, after acknowledging and helping the OTD. And the schools will have to be part of the solution for this. Ostracizing and ridiculing kids with OTD sibs shouldn’t be tolerated, and the schools have to educate and sensitize their students to be caring and supportive, not the opposite. And the staff, BTW, also must take the lead in showing caring and compassion in a dignified way to these kids, since the mechanchim are the models.
proudbyg: your brother probably knows you love him, and you should never let the taunting change that. Sometimes a loving sib can be a real lifeline for the OTD!!
Sam2.
Very well said!
I have to add that one time I heard something that is not easy to forget. It is this: When you point a finger at someone else, there are three more pointing back at you.
A proudbyg: It is very disheartening to hear your situation. It is very unfortunate that people do not think before they speak, but that happens across the board, not only in your situation.My suggestion for you is to get THICK SKINNED and work on yourself not to allow people to get to you. I know it’s not easy but you really need to do this for yourself! I have PITY on those people who think they are better than others and need to voice their opinion where it is NOT needed!! Remember where your sibling is, has nothing to do with you, you can just pray for him, as we all should.
HATZLOCHA!
What Sam 2 said.
Some people enjoy being cruel, but make it clear to them that there is nothing frum about their behavior whatsoever.
These girls didn’t wake up one day with their attitude. They’re either emulating their parents or their teachers. Either way, it’s a problem
1- Know that it has nothing to do with you. you are not at fault and there should be no guilt
2- Put his name in teh Bracha of Refainu because he needs a refuas hanefesh. that will reinforce within you that he is not well……. a ruach shtus has entered and needs to be dealt with by THE ROFEH!
3- Find a warm caring private understanding person to talk to so you can vent without causing your parents more pain.
Be proud! (not proud that you have an OTD brother) Proud you are frum. Proud that you know what is right.
Proud that you have a brother although OTD he is still alive– Your brother probably does not need a refuah (unless he has a mental issue)
If someone bothers you about your brother, reply by asking in a serious way, if they know of any way that they can help him. Maybe they know a Rov, a school or better a good job for him with a frum employer. You will see how fast they will back off.
Good Luck and stay strong (unfortunately there are too many people in your boat 🙁 )
aproudbyg, I’m sorry for the pain you are going through from these taunts. Unfortunately, a cause for such taunting can sometimes be attributed to how some of the “frum community” views people who are off the derech; namely, that they are to be scorned and “put in their place”, which is the opposite of what should really be done. Also, it can be due to immaturity and low self esteem that people would taunt you for it. I doubt they’d be mocking if their own sibling were in the same situation. They just don’t think like that. Sometimes, people can change, and sometimes they can’t. So if you are able to ignore them, that would be great. And if not, they should be told of what they’re doing and of the pain they’re causing, by someone you can talk to about this and whom these people look up to. And as far as your brother is concerned, continue loving him no matter what.
aproudbyg, i never ever post here but i read the cr a lot. i created a username just so i could respond to this post because i really relate to it. i too, have a sibling who is otd and it is by no means easy. not only do my friends constantly question me about my sibling to see how “otd” my sibling is, but i have numerous teachers and even people who barely know me or my family that constantly ask me questions. because my sibling started going otd in high school i have been dealing with this for many years now. i really feel for you and if you need any advice, maybe the mods can give you my email.
notaposter: I have heard of this before, part of the sensitivity training that needs to be done in schools is to make people aware of how painful their questions are to the sib of the OTD, and to ask themselves why they imagine they have a right to ask these questions?
EzratHashem: I 100% agree and have come to the point where I’m no longer embarrassed or afraid to tell people that their comments are hurtful.
aproudbyg: i have no idea how people go about getting other cr posters emails? but ive seen people mention it before in other threads…
aproudbyg:
Chazki V’amtzi! Your are helping your brother so much by supporting him. My heart goes out to you for what you have to be soveil. Just know how common, R”L, it is to have an OTD sibling, and chances are those who are teasing you might have one, too.
I think everyone should read the other thread started by aproudbyg girl called “email?”
highlights how important it is to stay safe and maintain privacy on the internet
im in the same boat as u, as the sister of a sib who is otd its hard sometimes frenz ask Q’s etc some stare… but show ur sib ur there 4 them and still luv them even tho there going thru a hard time, yes its hard, hopefully our sib’s will return to the right path. dw what ppl say. ur x given a challenge u x over come! just wanted to tell u tht ur not the only one, im in it too!!
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