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I feel very strongly that we don’t show enough appreciation to:
1. The Aibishter for everything He gives us.
2. To people around us including husbands, parents children, workmen, ***EDITED*** to include MODERATORS etc.
How many thank the waitresses? or the bus driver? How many of us thank our neighbors, friends, or the mail man?
I think we can expand on this idea by really thinking of the people around us who we take for granted, and how and why we should be thanking them.
It took me while to come to a real understanding of where appreciation leads us. I was always very particular to thank anyone who helped me in any way, but I wanted to understand the depth of being makir tov. What I came to realize is that when you are able to appreciate anything that someone does for you (even if you pay for it) then life is filled with menuchas hanefesh. One realizes all the good HKB”H does, even in hard times.
Thank you cards, small little gifts, returning a favor are all great ways to show appreciation–a personal phone call of thanks is still at the top of my list.
Gratitude needs first to come from within ourselves –
Remember, as you teach your child to say thank you when you hand them a cookie, is it you who needs the thank you or are you giving a life lesson? Hopefully it is a life lesson, so an example might be when the garbage men comes to take away our garbage, we should be grateful. Yes they are paid to do their job and in this economy they are fortunate to even have a job. But don’t we become better people for feeling the appreciation and then the next level would be expressing that appreciation?
*****About Waiters*****
if you dont say thank you, they think youre arrogant, though theyve grown accustomed to it.
if you say thank you theyre pleased, but they feel theyre owed that.
if you say thank you, turn your face to them and smile in gratitude as you say it, youve probably made a friend for the rest of the meal, and a Kiddush Hashem as well.
ALWAYS smile and say thank you and mean it. Waiting staff are underpaid, overworked, and only get the complaints. They truly appreciate a sincere expression of thanks for their work. I don’t think anyone EXPECTS it, exactly, I think it’s more that they hope for it. And a good tip doesn’t hoit!!!!! I make it my personal practice to call it to the attention of the manager when my waiter has been especially pleasant and helpful. I do this at simchas also, when I am not paying for my meal. I thanked a waitress once when she had an especially difficult situation telling her I appreciate how hard she had worked to please some of the people at our table, and she just beamed and told me I was the first person who ever said that to her. (She brought me double desserts!) But I digress…
We never know the Kiddush Hashem we make or chalilah the opposite, in how we treat people in a service industry. I ahve always maintained, if we do not know how to be makir tov to PEOPLE who have done something for us (even if they got paid for it), then how can we hope to properly be makir tov to Hashem for the gazillion cassadim that He does every day for us.
during my course as a nursing student in school, i found that most patients didnt take the time to say thank you to the nurse. patients have absolutely no idea how hard their nurse (well, most of them, at least. there are always the bad apples) work for them. i had a patient once who made it a point to thank her nurses and her doctors and it was such a breath of fresh air.
on the other side of the coin, i am always careful to say thank you and smile towards waiters/waitresses, mailmen, sanitation workers etc. a thank you goes a long way.
I agree with the nurse part. When I go into labor and a nurse is assigned to me, I make sure to be super friendly and thankful. Besides for making them feel good they are bound to treat you better too!
Once when Mrs. 72 had one of those ALL day labors. She gave me permission to go get some food for lunch and the Dr. assured me (while he was writing out his lunch order) that I had time. The Dr. and nurses were VERY appreciative of the fact that I brought back pizza for them to have also…
If I remember correctly, Mrs. 72 was not too appreciative of the aroma of the pizza while she was stuck having nothing more than ice chips…
Ames, Mrs. Beautiful, 72… it definitely is appreciated and was no doubt a kiddush Hashem. We need more people like you!!
First of all, THANK YOU MODERATORS! Without you there would be no Yeshiva World coments.
Mrs. Beautiful, I hope you and all the wonen in Yisroel always have such easy births. I just remember with one of my kids that my husband and the nurses were like cheerleaders: You can do it! You can do it!. I didn’t want to thank them, I wanted them to hush and get out of my sight! :-). B”H I didnt’ say anything to them.
Mod 72, that was a very nice way to show hakaras hatov. When my son was in the hospital for a few days, I went out and bought a box of donuts for the nursing station. When my husband was in Hatzala, he ocationally would do what he (and other members) would call a “pizza run” where they would get a few pies for the ER staff. It went a long way in good will.
First of all, THANK YOU MODERATORS! Without you there would be no Yeshiva World coments.
EXCELLENT point, and I echo those sentiments.
You’re very welcome 🙂
Yes, I second that. Thank you Mods, for all your work on behalf of the CR addicts.
not to nitpick, but I think you are “thirding” and not seconding the issue as one person said and a second has already agreed… :o) YW Moderator-72
like u so aptly said.. “not to nipick”.. i second that one
yes… this one you truly did second. :o) YW Moderator-72
I fourth it!
This topic is great. I’m very into saying thank you to EVERYONE (even my best friend) doesn’t matter who, I say thank you to everyone and anyone for whatever they do. Once one of my friends asked me “why do u ALWAYS say thank you??” As if I was crazy. I was like “what’s wrong with saying thank you???”
I absolutely HATE when people aren’t friendly to waiters. When I’m on a date and the guy tells the waiter something instead of asking (ex. Get me 2 cups, instead of saying can I please have 2 cups) makes me cringe!!!!!
Estherh, It’s probably the way it was given that makes you feel that way. Agift can be very small, but you can feel the hakoras hatov coming through if it’s there. Many times the card or the way the gift is presented makes all the difference.
I know first hand how hard nurses work. My wife is a nurse in a large suburban hospital. She puts her n’shama into it for 11 hours a day, four days a week. As to the general issue, my approach is that the more undesireable the job being done is to me, the more careful I am about expressing appreciation. I happen to hate clearing a table; the task just disgusts me. Thus I make sure to thank anyone who does it for me; waiters, waitresses or even my kids when they do it at home.
estherh – yes.
When I stop for gas at a full service station I get out of the car to schmooze with the attendant- nothing too deep, just like “How’s your day been going so far?…” (If it’s really cold outside I offer them to sit in the car and warm up while the car fills up (only one attendant ever took me up on the offer.))
When I’m done I give the person a dollar. The one dollar means much more to him than it does to me. (You should see the look of appreciation on some of their faces. For the $50 to $100 a year this tipping costs I think it’s worth it.)
One guy at a station on the NJ Turnpike made a mistake once and couldn’t stop apologizing. I felt so bad for him that from then on I always made sure to stop at that rest area and pull up to the pump that he was serving. If he wasn’t there I asked the attendant who served me to send him regards (he would usually let me know on my next trip that he got the message). I kept up with him for a few years until he got promoted (to fork lift operator at the warehouse) and switched locations.
Dr pepper: wow!
Dr. pepper, wow! There is so much to learn from such a story. We cant forget to show appreciation to even those that do the menial work.
Appreciation seems to be contagious. Sometimes when people see others express appreciation, they realize they should too.
Both my parents spent a lot of time in the hospital before the passed away (not at the same time, B”H). I made many trips on the shuttle bus to and from the parking lot of the hospital. One day I realized I should thank the driver. So I did. Nobody else did.
Some weeks or months later, I noticed that nearly everybody was thanking the driver. It takes just one person to start a trend.
This topic is so beautiful. A good word goes a long way. When I was in labor (for a Long time) I made it my point to thank the nurses for every tiny thing they did. You wouldnt believe how different they act when they know that you appreciate them. I also find that a warm note goes a lot further than a present.
Someone I know was recently in the hospital for surgery. A friend of his gave him a BIG basket full of jelly beans, and stack of disposable cups. With the jelly beans was a note asking people to help themselves. Whenever someone came in the room, be it a nurse, a doctor, a housekeeper, whatever, he not only thanked them, but encouraged them to help themselves to the jelly beans.
You’d better believe he got GREAT service while he was there. A little appreciation (and food) really does go a long way.
I echo the words of working and haifagirl. I had surgery two weeks ago, and I never failed to express my appreciation to the hospital staff for every little thing they did for me. Consequently, though they were professional with all their patients, they were especially helpful in a timely manner for me. I wrote the CFO of the hospital a letter to inform him of my gratitude for the excellent care I had received during the few days that I was hospitalized, and I made sure to name the names of all the medical staff who had taken care of me. hakoras hatov is a powerful thing. As my Rov said in a drosha one Shabbos, if we cannot show hakoras hatov to the people who do limited chessed for us, how can we ever show proper hakoras hatov to Hashem Yisborach, who does infinite acts of chessed for us every single day?
As Al Capone so famously noted, “You can get more done with a kind word and a gun, then with a gun alone.”
I think the words are important, preferably with some feeling behind them. They make such a difference.
As both of my dear grandfathers knew, there are many forms of motivation and gratitude. Their most effective rewards to me involved a combination of things, a kind word, a little bit of sweet food, a bit of gelt, a bit of praise and a kiss, or a pat on the head (when appropriate).
Recently, advice on a how-to issue was sought.
A different poster took the time to write out detailed instructions answering the question.
The exchange ended there.
another thing…bus drivers. they do us a great service. many people take it for granted, and grumble when it comes late…:D but remember the transit strike? wasnt that a pain in the neck…(and feet :D:D:D) i always make it a point when i exit the bus to thank the driver and wish him a good day
I hope I am not changing the subject too much but on the same note dont forget PLEASE-
Hw many times am I in a store and people request something -GIMME ONE OF THESE AND TWO OF THOSE..and thats it! and I stand there and say PLEASE..
the counter person then turns toward me and says -thank you-
these people arent mechuyev to do anything for you….the least one can do is say PLEASE AND THANK YOU
That too is true…I guess this is a two way street…
does anyone have any advice for me. my parents were out of town for the week so i stayed by a friend and my friend’s mother told me very clearly NOT to bring a gift and if i do she will be VERY insulted. we like to give gifts as an expression of hakaras hatov but she DOEsnt want a gift how do i express my hakaras hatov
If she really was serious, then I would make a donation to Tzedaka (one which SHE supports) in her name, with a nice note sent to her (the nice note should be sent as a thank you anyway). If your friend has young siblings, you could have brought something for them.
its not the type of family for the kids gift idea but i like the tzedaka idea thanks
estherh: You are so right. Several years ago I had a virus. (The doctor couldn’t find any other explanation, so she decided it must be a virus.) It began slowly. One knee hurt a bit. Then the other knee hurt. It wasn’t long before every joint hurt. Walking was extremely painful. She was probably right that it was a virus, as it eventually went away. I love to walk. And since that time, I am grateful for every step I take.
More recently I had an illness that wasn’t terribly serious, but it kept me in bed for over a week and I could barely eat. Erev Shabbos during that time I had to go out and buy bread and wine. I barely made it to the store and had to take a bus home. Two weeks later I was able to complete all my errands. I didn’t do anything extraordinary that day, but I realized that we need to thank Hashem that we can get through an ordinary day. Just being able to do what’s ordinary is a tremendous bracha that we so often do not appreciate.
I’m very glad that you recovered from that reaction and pray that it never happens again and that you have a speedy refuah shleimah.
Although we can never have enough Hakoras Hatov to HB”H,
doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try!
About gratitude to others… it goes into how one was raised,
and how one is in tune with ones self as well as their environment.
Some ppl think everyone owes them etc… and some ppl just don’t think!!!
I’m not sure which is worse!
Do we show enough gratitude to our parents?
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