Should we stop bochurim from chilling and drinking beer at a bbqs.🍻🍖

In England, they drink warm beer.

Maybe suggest that. If they drink warm beer, it will be more civilized and not chilling.

No, Mom, we shouldn’t. Even top notch bochurim need an opportunity to relax, especially over ben hazminim. In fact, that’s why there is a ben hazmanim! If they’re over doing it and going through a six-pack then you might have cause for concern, but one or two beers isn’t gong to hurt them. Listen to your husband before it becomes an issue. BTW, I’m a mom of bochurim also, and I’d much rather my boys have a shot of whiskey with their dad on Shabbos then anyplace else.

I not sure there is a drunk issue but a question of this is what bochurim should do. It is a very pritzusdik

Are we talking about “bachurim” over 21 or under 21? and are we talking about having one beer? If over 21, then follow your husbands approach. If under 21 and in NY, make sure you or your husband serves it to him and limit it to 1.

I would be a hypocrite if I turned down a shidduch for my daughters because a bachur occasionally drinks a beer.

I don’t have an opinion of whether it is a good idea or not, but one thing I’d like to question- you are concerned about a potential drinking problem or behavior that might to lead to one primarily because of how it would affect their image in shidduchim, but not how it might affect their health?

If he reached majority age (13 – Bar Mitzvah), he should be making his own decisions.

The Alcohol by volume (ABV) of Beer is generally between 4%-6%, the ABV of wine is 9%-16%. Your son would need to drink at least 6+ beers to get drunk. In other words drinking 1 beer once in a while is not a problem.

Anything stronger than beer needs to be only at the Shabbos table. Beer is something you have to try really hard to overdose on or to be directly harmed by the alcohol itself, but it’s easy to get alcohol poisoning with stronger drinks.

One or two isn’t enough to get drunk. Just don’t drive.
What I said about beer in general is that it doesn’t directly harm people. Getting hurt because you are under the influence and aren’t being careful is indirect harm. Anyone who plans to drink enough that they might become drunk ought to book a babysitter for themselves first.

The question to ask is. What does it mean “chilling”. Where are they doing this chilling? Who are they doing it with? How often? What else goes on at these “chill sessions”? Are they of legal age to purchase this beer, and drink it? If not, how did they get it? Finally, why davka beer? Are they unable to “chill” with a coke or pepsi?

Look at the bright side: at least it is the boys driving beer and not the girls drinking beer.

(Sounds like a troll to me.)

Yiddishkeit does not go for abstinence. It is more about self control. Having a beer at a barb b que is a summer treat. One hopes that the chinuch is in place to teach self control. if anything drinking a beer or two in a calm and organised manner is arguably part of the chinuch itself. if we asser everything we run the risk of this being done secretly and that is more likely to lead to excesses. That is not a good idea. The Ami magazine story has nothing to do with this. Those bochurim were out of control to start with, they had no business to be out driving and this post does not talk about drink driving where there should be abstinence.

Scottsdale- If drinking beer was inherently “goyish” I doubt that R’ Pappa would have become wealthy making the stuff. Perhaps your chushiv rov was speaking of one who drinks ale straight from a 24 oz. can rather than one who takes a few sips at a sholom zachor.

Scottsdale21- I find it funny that u think drinking a beer is bad for shiduchim. Even the best bochurim chill and drink beer bein hazmanim. I would be more worried if your kids never drank beer

Even the best bochurim chill and drink beer bein hazmanim.
Unless things have changed from my days, I don’t think this is true.
(I am, to be sure, more than 20 years old.)

I saw this topic and I just have to know. Which part of this world are you living in? You are saying that you have top boys and dont know anything about boys chilling. Either you are in denial or you dont know your children well. Every mother who knows their children know that boys drink beer and drink on Shabbos in yeshiva. Some drink alot and some little but this is reality. And if you have top notch boys why areent you talking about smoking as most top notch boys smoke and that can ruin shidduchim.
so either you are living in denial or you just dont know what your sons are doing because this is reality in the yeshvia system. boys drink and smoke. some do it in moderation and some dont and that is why every mother needs to communicate with their children and talk to them because living in denial just wont help

and if we are no this topic I feel Rabbonim and Yeshivas should ban smoking because that is a killer and all my top notch boys smoked until they got married but one cannot seem to kick the habit.

we tried everything but the yeshivas allow smoking and parents have no control

so if we are on this topic i wish there would be speak against every yeshiva that allows smoking

Back when I was in Yeshiva, we were allowed to relax and let off steam by playing basketball, baseball, football (I was in a cold climate, so football in the snow was a favorite) listened to the occasional game or bob grant on the radio. Now, these pastimes are considered treif, (a side affliction of this is that a good bachur would almost never be caught dead in a non learning camp, despite the fact that the good bachurim are needed as proper role models for the younger boys in camp, and they are only available bein hazmanim – rabbi bender shlita has mentioned this in the past, but noone, except parents of boys in camp, realize just how serious this is) but, young men still need to let off steam and relax, and being the good guys they are, are not sneaking off to bars, and drinking beer has become the means to let off steam and relax.

As the father of a number of young men “in the dorm”, I trust their judgement that they wont do anything stupid, but, young men being young men, it is inevitable that some do. As a parent, proper chinuch, followed up by tefilla, and more tefilla, is what keeps me from worrying all day, every day.

APY, just because you as a yeshiva bochor were permitted to regularly listen to sports and talk radio does it mean that is a good idea or that it should be encouraged or permitted for most yeshiva bochorim today or, for that matter, yesteryear. It is certainly better for Yeshiva bochorim to avoid pastimes such as talk radio.

Their is no question that it is an issue. it has become a ‘cool’ thing to do nowadays. It is like smoking, albeit not as dangerous. the issue is not with health, the issue is with mentality behind it. all boys, and for that matter girls, need outlets for their excess energy and time to relax. but a ‘chill is another matter entirely. It is a concept of ‘hanging out’ ‘chilling’ ‘killing time’, in a prikutzdige way.
So although it sadly is the norm in today’s age to ‘chill’ with a beer, even in these so called ‘top yeshivas’, the mentality behind it is wrong. A true ovad would never be caught in such a manner. just because someone is a ‘tob bachut’ doesn’t mean anything about his ruchnayis, all it means is that he likes to learn ‘lomdos’.

https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/qa-with-rav-avigdor-miller/#post-1320747

To a large numbr of guys, this is the substitute to what everyone else their age is doing. Have some positive vision.

I beg to differ. A mediocre yeshiva bochor who does not touch beer on principle, because he understands the mentality behind, is a better thousand fold than a ‘top bochor’ that knows nothing about hashkafah only his ‘lomdos’.
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