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Hello,
So I had a shidduch with this boy, who I have to admit is more than I expected I could find ..
But the thing is, he wants to live in Montreal, and I live in France.
I know it may sounds stupid to a lot of you, how just the fact of changing where I live is making me doubt the whole thing. But you need to understand, I’m from a frum family but both my parents are converted so my family (parents + brothers and sisters) are all i got, and even if my brothers and sisters are now married they all still live in the same city. So I don’t have any family far away. I’m the younger one and I’m sooo scared to leave them all.
I know I should not even doubt and go with him, but I would really love if any of you had the same experience or if you just know how to reassure me..
I’m so confused, I’m feeling like it’s a lack of bitah”on too, but I can’t help but being so scared of missing them, of being lonely..
Thanks a lot
That’s a big step. Speak to someone you trust, a mentor, rebbitzin, former teacher or relative- they can give better advice than some random people online who don’t know you.
Just reading your post raised a few questions in my mind.
1) You say he’s better than you thought you might find. Does that mean you like him or does that mean he seems kind of decent and you figured that due to your family background finding a normal person would be tough?
2) Do you have any friends in other cities? Even if you don’t have any friends in the same city you would potentially move to, they can help you out regarding how to handle living away from parents.
If the two of you really want to marry each other, maybe you can work out a compromise- say you would agree to live in Montreal for the first six months and then reconsider. Or you can agree to start out in France and then relocate. Either way I feel that the primary focus should be on whether the two of you are compatible, not on where you will live.
Does the antisemitism in France play a factor in this move.? Also does the economy play a factor in this move? Can you find a job in Montreal, Quebec,Canada, if so it might be a good deal?
As far as moving thousands of miles (Kilometers)away you know you are only a phone call away and you can Skype with friends and relatives if you want to see them. If you ask around you will probably someone who has moved there as in Montreal they speak French so you will better integrate into society. The Jewish community will help you they have experience which is who you should be contacting if you are serious about moving there
Montreal is basically France, just without the food.
As you know it is very acceptable to relocate for a shidduch, and for the wife to follow the husband.
But that doesn’t mean that it is not hard, or whether you can handle it. Maybe this will help- rather than think about what you will miss/lose out by marrying him and moving to Montreal, think about it the other way- what will you miss/lose out on by staying where you are and not marrying him?
Such a decision is easier to make for someone who has been dating for a long time, or who has a particular reason to think finding a suitable shidduch is hard. But we don’t know what your circumstances are.
Something else – considering the state of France these days and that a lot of Jews are leaving, can you be sure that all of your family will stay in one place? even if you marry a local, it doesn’t mean you will stay in France.
When I was dating, I once ended a shidduch over the issue of where to live. But I don’t think that was really the main reason- if he had truly been the right one, I would have been willing to relocate for him, it became a big deal for me because somehow I knew he was not right for me.
the reason why i keep saying no to a LOT of boys is because of similar reasons. like if i want someone from where i live, want to live where i live, etc… than why date a guy that doesnt want what i want?
Why don’t you both compromise and live in the middle, somewhere like Yerushalayim?
Mazel Tov!
Mazal Tov!
Mazel tov! I’m so happy to hear!
mazel tov h’h soon by me.
Mazel tov! I am glad that everything became clear when the time was right!
Mazel tov & May simchas be soon with you Sparkly 🙂
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