Should I Allow My Kids To Miss Yeshiva?

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  • #596897
    BSD
    Member

    My kids are chollishing to go to the Great Parade on Lag Ba’omer, but it’s during yeshiva time. They take their work seriously, and I would really like to give them this break, but I am afraid that it may give them the wrong message. What should I do?

    #770785
    bezalel
    Participant

    I am afraid that it may give them the wrong message.

    You’re probably right.

    #770786
    Ayala11
    Participant

    Why don’t you make sure they understand that this is a one-time experience and you wouldn’t usually sacrifice their learning for it?

    #770787
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Speak it over with their principal.

    #770788
    Daniel
    Member

    As ayalla said , explain that this is a one time thing.I have been to the great parade last year and for younger kids it really is meaningfull. their are beutifull floats that the local yeshivas make , depicting different mitsvot and entertainment.All kosher. My kids loved it and cant wait.Hopefully the weather will cooperate. Last year it was scorching hot

    #770789
    Josh31
    Participant

    Family simchos are another story.

    There kids that grow up having been told that school is too important to miss when a family simcha occurs will ignore family in favor of their profession.

    #770790
    aries2756
    Participant

    Which “wrong” message exactly will this give them?

    #770791
    commonsense
    Participant

    what time does it start, i was having the same questions

    #770792
    yogibooboo
    Member

    F they are kids who are always in school and rarely take mental health days, then yeah why not?! But if they miss school often then I’d say no. Let them go and enjoy themselves for a day. They can make up the work I’m sure but go on, let them enjoy. Its not like they are missing school to go to a sporting event, its to go to a lag baomer parade! Have fun and enjoy the day!

    #770793
    boredinoffice
    Participant

    Let them go. They will feel good about themselves. more important then the few hours of learning, they will feel that their parents love them and care and want them to be happy.

    If this would happen weekly it it is a whole different ballgamme

    #770794
    BSD
    Member

    aries-By going, would I be making an official “let’s take off of learning/yeshivah so we can do something fun.” day? Where are my priorities?

    They know school is important to me, but will this appear contradictory or even hypocritical?

    common- I think 10 am and it’s for about 2 hours.

    #770795
    Pac-Man
    Member

    If its boys, they shouldn’t miss Torah studies; if its girls, you have more flexibility.

    #770796
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Make up the 2 hours learning they would miss and take them to the parade.

    #770797
    phillybubby
    Participant

    Convince the principal to take the whole school on a Lag B’Omer outing to the GREAT PARADE!

    #770798
    aries2756
    Participant

    BSD, from what I can remember of school, they also celebrate Lag B’omer and it is usually a trip day, so I doubt there will be much learning. There will be much anticipation for the trip but very little “zitz fleish” for learning or anything else. So I think it is fine to trade the school trip for the Big Parade.

    #770799
    cshapiro
    Member

    bitul torah, issur deoriasa!!

    #770800
    RABBAIM
    Participant

    Go after school

    #770801
    commonsense
    Participant

    unfortunately it is over by the time they are finished school.

    #770802
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Which “wrong” message exactly will this give them?

    That fun and games is more important than learning. For that matter, that fun and games is more important than responsibility. A student should be taught that attendance is mandatory and that (s)he should only take off for something urgent. The Great Parade is not urgent.

    Of course, if this particular child has a specific need, that might be different. I’m generalizing, for a normal, well adjusted child.

    #770803
    Poster
    Member

    tough one!

    #770804
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    The lesson is FAMILY time is important. It is NOT wrong to teach kids how important it is to spend time together.

    #770805
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    The lesson is FAMILY time is important. It is NOT wrong to teach kids how important it is to spend time together.

    Then why the Great Parade during yeshiva hours? Let them go to a park after yeshiva is over and spend time with each other, instead of taking off learning time to spend “quality time” with Uncle Moishy and MBD.

    #770806
    me too
    Member

    Wondering How will the teachers and Menehalim react? How about asking in advance? Are you telling your kids your principal and teachers are not all that smart? Is conforming with school policy & regs really so unimportant?

    DY well said!! The Great parade is not “Family time”.

    It is NOT wrong to teach kids how important it is to spend time together. with several hundred other kids being entertained/ enlightened by whoever is on the podium.

    #770807
    bpt
    Participant

    If you think they need a day off, give it to them. No one should question a parent’s call in a case like this

    But, IMHO, you should take them to the one in BP.. (the Twins will be there!)

    #770808
    mewho
    Participant

    you should allow your children to go. have them do some sort of schoolwork lesson to cover teh time that they miss from class.

    make sure tehy know that leaving class early does not mean they can ”get away” without the lesson or learning. they are jsut shifting the time.

    #770809
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    bitul torah, issur deoriasa!!

    And yet, here you are, posting on this forum.

    The Wolf

    #770810
    shlishi
    Member

    And yet, here you are, posting on this forum.

    A. She’s a girl, so there is no bitul Torah for her.

    B. Even if it were, two wrongs don’t make a right.

    #770811
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    C. She’s being facetious.

    #770812
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    A. She’s a girl, so there is no bitul Torah for her.

    She is? I did not know that. My apologies.

    The Wolf

    (Note: I still disagree with the idea that any time away from learning is completely and utterly forbidden.)

    #770813
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    If you think they need a day off, give it to them. No one should question a parent’s call in a case like this

    If they “need a day off”, give it to them now, why wait until next week?

    #770814
    BSD
    Member

    Thanks for all the advice. Against overwhelming odds to the contrary, I am leaning towards Daas’s view. They are boys and it involves bittul torah. I can’t imagine that the school would allow them to take off. At best, they would turn a blind eye. And I certainly would not allow my kids to lie about where they were. I can make it a point to spend quality time together-a fun outing, batting practice or something-after school, and bring them to a bonfire on motzei shabbos. I think the main thing that they will remember is that I gave them quality time and undivided attention, which I plan on doing.

    #770815
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Who is this Miss Yeshiva?

    What does she do?

    #770816
    Pac-Man
    Member

    BSD:

    You made the right decision and for the right reasons.

    Hatzlocha!

    #770817
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    There was a “Chinuch Roundtable” in the Yated regarding this a while back; the panel was mixed.

    #770818
    BSD
    Member

    “There was a “Chinuch Roundtable” in the Yated regarding this a while back; the panel was mixed.”

    Which week? I would really be interested in seeing it.

    “Who is this Miss Yeshiva?

    What does she do?”

    LOL! She’s on the mixed panel.

    #770819
    Shrek
    Participant

    BSD:

    why don’t you present the dilemma to your kids and see if they are willing to “make up” the lost learning time. Just a thought.

    #770820
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    How much time do the boys spend learning per week?

    How much time does the Family spend together (Not on Shabbos ) per week?

    #770821
    oomis
    Participant

    Lag B’Omer was always a traditional day of fun for the kids in Yeshivah. We always went on school trips, had picnics, games etc. Part of our Jewish heritage is the recogntion of the simcha of this day and celebration of that simcha. Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha.

    #770822
    adorable
    Participant

    BSD- I think you are doing the right thing and I am sure that if you explain it to your children in the right way and you show them that it was a big decision for you and you thought about it and did nto just push away the fact that they wanted to go i think that will be easier for them

    #770823
    BSD
    Member

    I spend a decent amount of time with them. Probably not enough, but they get my full attention when I am with them. We do a lot of family visiting which they love. We’re also big into outings but not much exciting trips, which the parade would be considered. I kinda would love to do it for them, but I wonder if ultimately it would be counterproductive. I will try to compensate by taking an outing.

    Shrek- If I go I would probably do that but it still doesn’t cover all the issues.

    #770824
    BSD
    Member

    Adorable-thanx I think you may be right.

    #770825
    TheGoq
    Participant

    I have a question on this, is Lag Bomer a real holiday or not?

    If we acknowledge its a Yom Tov then exceptions should be made, you should take them to the parade letting them know it’s a one time deal and all schoolwork missed must be made up.

    #770826
    BSD
    Member

    Goq- If I’d do it, it would be under the terms you described, but it’s really up to the school to decide if it is or is not a real holiday. I have to follow their rules, and my kids need to know that.

    #770827
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Family time is NEVER counter-productive.

    A parent can never spend too-much time with the kids.

    OP – You said you would TRY to compensate. Something will come up, it always does. Spend family time NOW. you do not get it back

    #770828
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Family time is NEVER counter-productive.

    A parent can never spend too-much time with the kids.

    I don’t know about that. I’ve been told by people that every minute I spend with my kids and exposing them to my values is corrupting their neshamos irreparably. I’ve also been told (on these very boards) that by playing games with my kids (as opposed to learning with them every available minute) I am wasting their time.

    The Wolf

    #770829
    BSD
    Member

    “Family time is NEVER counter-productive.” I’m sure Zahava agrees with that, but IDK…

    “Something will come up” Good point-It’s 5:00 I’ll close up shop, get off the cr and head home.

    Wolf- maybe your kids will have a good influence on you:)

    #770830
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    maybe your kids will have a good influence on you:)

    Nah. I’m completely and utterly incorrigible.

    The Wolf

    #770831
    canine
    Member

    Taking a day off (or even part thereof) of Yeshiva, for an extracurricular activity, is the purest form of Bitul Torah. You are actually scheduled — no less your regular schedule — to learn Torah, and throw the opportunity away??

    #770832

    discuss it with their Rebbe

    #770833
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    discuss it with their Rebbe

    It certainly couldn’t hurt. HaleiVi earlier suggested to speak it over with the principal. That would also be a good idea.

    To quote BSD, though, “I can’t imagine that the school would allow them to take off.

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