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I stand corrected. Not sure how that changes anything.
It’s a big difference; we shouldn’t have either the boy or girl be disappointed in the other, especially if it’s so easy to avoid..just don’t take professional pictures, and let the boy’s mother look at a picture if it’s very important, and let her tell the boy that she’s attractive, doesn’t have whatever pet peeves he has, and ze’hu.
That has nothing to do with what we were talking about. You made senseless statements about men, tried to pretend chazal agreed and then ditched it for a segway. Men who behave as you described are not ready for marriage. Imaginary defenses notwithstanding.
He’s making a simple point that we shouldn’t raise expectations unnecessarily. Not sure what you are reading into his statements that is bothering you so much.
I’m opposed to shidduch pictures because, although someone needs to find their spouse attractive, I think putting pictures on the resume puts the focus on the wrong thing.
Thank you joseph for your help but what does that have to do with the conversation?
DaasYochid,
“He’s making a simple point that we shouldn’t raise expectations unnecessarily. Not sure what you are reading into his statements that is bothering you so much.”
I think it’s the Catch-22. If a young woman is judged worthy of getting a date by her resume and picture, then of course she will do whatever she can to make the resume and picture stand out. Otherwise she might not get a date at all. But then we criticize her for raising a young man’s expectations and making him “feel cheated”? It’s a no-win situation. Demanding pictures is immodest, and one who does so is cheating himself. And if he has such picky preferences on appearance that he must see a picture before agreeing to a date, I’d consider that a huge red flag for shemiras einayim issues.
Avram, I’m against pictures too, for both tznius reasons, and the fact that it becomes a disappointment.
Being picky about looks, in itself, isn’t a big chisaron; everyone has a different teva and must combat the yetzer hora that they’re given. Women aren’t as visual. Telling a man not to be picky is just setting him up for failure.
I agree that a man shouldn’t be looking at pictures, if they must be given, they should be a normal picture shown to the boys mother, only if the boy has specific hakpados.
I don’t think we here should be giving advice to Jewish ladies how to do the shidduch. They are getting the Jewish nation going for centuries despite all the hardships caused by goyim and Jewish men.
The conversation was never about resumes or pictures, it was about your crazy belief that an adult male who will not be able to move past a girl not presenting like expected, who will feel cheated, that “It only leads to more failed shidduchim” can still be considered a normal mature man who is ready for marriage.
This was after several derogatory comments, in several threads over several weeks about how women and their attitudes make them not marriage material or ready for marriage.
I was pointing out the inconsistency and imbalance of your views. Not talking about pictures and expectations.
You responded by blindly pretending we were talking about something else.
This is how it always seems to go. You make very definitive, often negative statements about people and when it is pointed out you go completely tangential. I wouldn’t even care except that you are putting down a lot of sincere, decent Jews. And random people that aren’t really paying attention end up thinking it makes sense.
nothing to do with resume photos.
Syag, i never said a man can’t or shouldn’t be expected to get past disappointment. I said disappointment is bad for shidduchim, and a system which leads to disappointment will result in many failed shidduchim.
Not sure what gave you an impression of anything else
When I said that a man who responds that way is not mature and ready for marriage you defended the behavior, disagreed with me, and tried to use chazal to support your opposition.
And this is on the heels of saying that single women complain inappropriately that “they don’t feel anything” because they read too many romance novels.The Chazal he brought actually did support his point.
It just doesn’t support your exaggerated version of his point.
It’s usual helpful, if not courteous, to actually follow and understand a conversation before jumping on people. Above you indicated that you don’t/haven’t. So what’s your real point?
My point was that you unfairly jumped on someone because you misunderstood his point.
You wrote, “I stand corrected”. You should have left it at that.
welcome to the age when an online troll knows your thoughts better than you do. and isn’t ashamed to believe it.
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