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Are there any shadchanim who specialize in shidduchim for children from broken homes?
why is someone for a broken home a different breed?
My parents are divorced. On top of that, my father is not frum. Fortunately for me, I didn’t need a shadchan. HKBH did the job for me.
OTOH, my sister (who has the very same parents that I do) managed to find a shidduch just fine — despite the fact that she also has me in the family.
The Wolf
adam12- why can’t someone from a broken home marry someone from a not broken home?
Because they have an added stigma in the world of shidduchim. People pay lip service to the concepts of t’shuva or rising above your upbringing. You hear heartwarming stories of it but as soon as a shidduch is suggested to a parent with a “normal” child, the parents get all gun shy and say it’s “not shyiach”
It’s a wonderful caste system we have set up. And as we know, everything we do has been done since Har Sinai so dont bother trying to suggest a change to it.
+1 Crisisoftheweek
Because the stigma unfortunately still stands
Everyone’s home is a little broken. In some the breaks are just a little more visible than in others.
I happen to be a shadchan and the reason why parenst of boys or girls from non broken homes tend to be skeptical abt broken homes is not a Psul in the boy or girl rather why should their son or daughter have to deal right off the bat with their spouses agmas nefesh(B.T.W) my wife comes from a home with 3 problem children and even though I love my inlaws and their the sweetest ppl still Its a lot of tears and frustration that not everyone is cut out for. I’m not saying I agree But its not as simple as you all make it see.Most of the time its not no rather we have other pple first
Children from broken homes do not deserve shidduchim.
SecularFrummy +1
SecularFrummy, WHAT??? am i hearing right??? WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? Why dont they deserve Shidduchim anymore then someone who is NOT from a broken home???
… as soon as a shidduch is suggested to a parent with a “normal” child, the parents get all gun shy and say it’s “not shyiach”
And you’d want in-laws like that?
Shidduchim are hard today even from intact homes. We are looking into entering the parsha with a daughter and despite trying to spread the word to everyone our phone has remained conspicuously quiet and although I am probably biased my daughter is a great girl.
Yeah, you are probably biased.
I hate the term broken home.
I despise people that judge others by their families.
I think having a “broken home” is a positive attribute in some cases because if they are quality people even though they had a troubled upbringing, they are AMAZING people.
And I just want to point out that many people have parents that dont get along yet are not divorced, and those are generally people with a lot of baggage. I recommend that everyone with such parents should get themselves evaluated by a competent therapist before starting to date.
Simple Darwinian selection.
Everyone’s home is a little broken. In some the breaks are just a little more visible than in others.- great line!
Children from broken homes do not deserve shidduchim.- secular frummy for your sake, i hope you were being sarcastic!
are you marrying the family, or the girl/boy? look how yitzchak married rivka despite having lavan as a brother and besual as a fatehr…. people have to stop being so narrow minded! yes, my parents are divorced and we are a very happy single parent family. i feel that i am so much more capable of being a better wife and mom now that i’ve seen the flip side. i am not going into marriage with illusions of fairy tales like some others who havent tasted hardship are. i’m going equipped with the right guidance and tools how not to repeat the mistakes of those who have hurt me and my mom……
“i thank the difficult people in my life, for they have shown me who i don’t want to be.”
“i love those who are in my life and make it amazing, and i thank those who have left my life, and made it even more fantastic!”
Are there any shadchanim who specialize in shidduchim for children from obese homes?
just a little thing i wanted to point out….. hashem is the master shadchan and he specializes in all shidduchim….
ikno, that is what we’re counting on but it still is not easy.
It’s easy to be idealistic if you are not in such a situation. The fact is that when the parents are divorced, things are not easy for the kids and the spouses of those kids. Making a chasunah when there are divorced parents involved can be a nightmare. Also, every time there’s a simcha, the same problems come up and some people just don’t want their kids to get involved in a situation like that, so they shy away from shidduchim with divorced parents. Let’s not be too hard on these parents. There are REAL issues and challenges involved.
Been there, done that. Think how lucky you are – all of the vain, superficial, self-important, hypercritical in-laws will drop out, leaving the compassionate and the sensitive. Saves a lot of your time screening the families.
Family dynamics in the hone growing up largely determine, or at least, influence, developmental outcomes.
Children of divorce are deeply affected, and suffer from far more emotional and psychological issues than children from stable, loving homes with a mother and a father. It takes a mother and father to raise a child properly and impart the lessons of family life. Those who grow up without observing and witnessing a productive marriage generally will struggle with marriage when they grow up, since they don’t have any strong models to emulate.
Of course, we wish everyone would have a good shidduch. I certainly wish the same for myself, and I also know that some of us do have “special needs;” as someone raised without the benefit of an Orthodox family and years of day school education, I would most likely best relate to someone who grew up in a similar type of home. Likewise, 2 products of a broken home would probably be able to better relate to one another.
In my own experience, kids from divorced homes (particularly girls, but males, as well), are generally diagnosed with a form of mental illness and suffer from intimacy problems.
If someone’s home is broken the roof might fall on them and cause a serious head injury.
I want to add that my deepest and most sincere prayer for myself, and other “special” cases (kids born to broken homes, converts, baalei teshuva, people with medical conditions, etc.) is that all may find their zivug speedily, in HaShem’s timing, and thus be zoche to be boneh a bayit ne’eman be yisrael.
Because the stigma is true.
And,
Why would you WANT the baggage if you can avoid it?
One of the more disgusting threads I’ve read in a while. Mods, since nobody seems to have any information about shadchan’s for people from broken homes, and this has degenerated into just making negative comments about people based on circumstances beyond their control, I suggest it be closed.
For the record, I know many people from so-called broken homes who are wonderful people with wonderful middos, and plenty others from “good homes” who are obnoxious jerks severley lacking in mentschlekeit.
It seems like everyone has an opinion here but nobody gave the OP any advice – which is what was asked for…… I am not an expert but I would suggest you network with Shadchanim – they know each other and ask them to recommend an appropriate shadchan – I think the yated has a listing of shadchanim-that could also be a starting point.Don’t fret-everyone has challenges with Shidduchim, and iy’h you will find your zivug in the right time. Hatzlocha Rabba!
@ LAB
HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
crisisoftheweek, that concept is based on ignorance. Moshe Rabeinu came from a ‘broken then fixed up home” and at the time of Har Sinai, he and Tzipora were separated. Poor role models.
reb doniel- thank you for your deepest wishes, and its the same hard to make a “regular” shidduch ,than to make lieke wht you said a special shidduch……
and for the post befire that one, since you are so experienced, i challenge you to meet me and diagnose me with even one mental illness…. go ahead!
and here-to-help, you are so right, my struggles have made me, not borken me, i know so many people coming from single-parent homes that are such wonderful sensitive individuals who care about people so much more than those who have never known the feeling of rejection..
yitzchakm- what about the stigma is true?! that hashem sent them int this world through parents that didnt stay married?! how is that bad to them?!
my comment on this posting of children from broken homes- these children should not be titled from a broken home-whats broken? It sounds like the children are messed up and it should not be used in any lanuage. They are not broken the children what broke? The parents are divorce and it could not stay married so the children have titles of being broken. I feel children that live at home with a family with parents arguing is more messed up and they cover it up. These children that are from divorce families are children that will see how to make things works out for there future in there home. All special children and good people that will carry next generation and build a solid home and marriage.
ikno – +1000
I’d go one step further and add to that. Everybody has baggage no matter where they’re from. Some people more, some less. Nobody is perfect. Baggage can be worked through and does not equate mental illness.
What about children who lost a parent? Should we judge them also? This thread is very , very , disturbing, more so sad with insensitive comments!
@rebdoniel I am still wondering about all those girls with the diagnosis of mental illness- and you came up with that how???thank you sharp!
p.s. sarah schneirer was divorced, so reb doniel, if she would have had children from that failed marriage, would they have also had mental issues?
ikno- if the parent remarries and stays married, even if the child is from the first home the child is not from a broken home. Sarah Schneirer remarried, so if she would have had children, they would have had a father figure in the home. I don’t think that people should look away from a shidduch just because of the family, but family does make a difference.
heretohelp wrote:
One of the more disgusting threads I’ve read in a while. Mods, since nobody seems to have any information about shadchan’s for people from broken homes, and this has degenerated into just making negative comments about people based on circumstances beyond their control, I suggest it be closed.
For the record, I know many people from so-called broken homes who are wonderful people with wonderful middos, and plenty others from “good homes” who are obnoxious jerks severley lacking in mentschlekeit.
This. Bingo!
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