Shidduch Segullah!

puh-leez.

People have come to rely on segulot and that is not how we are supposed to be.

I also disagree with the people just say, “daven..” obviously!! We all daven. Sometimes it feels like that’s not enough.

I did TWO cycles of the shmiras halashon and i am still single…so tell me it “wasn’t my time,” so tell the same to pushutayid.

We can try what we want. Hashem is the one in charge. Hishtadlus obviously is important, too, but I don’t want to broach the bechira argument…

noitallmr: thank you so much!!! all the best to you as well!!!

ames, rabbi of what??

asdfghjkl, yeah nistar.

you people are really funny. where do you come up with these strange ideas??

If you look up the source of mitoch shelo lishma, you will find that it only works if your intention is to become lishma. It’s not supposed to be bogus. If your intention is only to help yourself, then, yes, like moish said, you’re a fake and it won’t work. You can start doing it for other reasons, as long as your intention is to do it for the other person’s sake not just to get what you want. It’s like an incentive.

~a~

ames my friend-Amen! Thank you for your beautiful bracha!

I have a question for everyone in the coffee room with the concept of davening for one’s friend.I daven for my friend first and then I daven for myself is that the wrong thing to do?Someone told me that you are only suppose to daven for the other person, however I feel that I still need to daven for myself.

I am worried that I may be a bit selfish that I might have more kavana when I am davening for myself then when for my friend.

I have to be honest that one of the reasons that I am davening for myis friend because I want to get shidduch also .However even if I was married I would still daven for my friend. However if I was married I would daven for her just for the sake of her without any ulterior feelings of if i daven for her then Hashem will listen to my Tefilos .

Am I doing the wrong thing, I am worried that my reasoning for davening for my friends is not 100% purley for the sake of them.

Although I daven for people who don’t have children, parnasa without expecting to get anything from it except to help another yid.

Thanks again everyone for the Berachos. It’s very encouraging. I happen to not rely on ANY segulos. Been there done that. I just work on my connection to Hashem. I feel much closer to Him now than when I was doing a Segula.

Also, in regard to Davening for someone else in the event that I should get answered first, I asked my Rav about it and he told me not to concentrate on that and just Daven for myself and other people because I am not at the level to Daven only for another person putting myself aside. I felt fake when I was doing it only for another person because deep down I knew it wasn’t wholehearted. Everyone has to know themselves.

syriansephardi: ames’s Bracha was to the whole cr(you included)!!!

Can someone please answer me if I am doing the wrong thing-look at my post above-

Thanks!

BasYisroel2: i don’t see anything wrong with doing it like that!!!

I agree with moish. I think the point is that every person loves him/herself the most and should strive to have a similar love for others.

~a~

Kapusta: thank you, amen!

well i never actually said the second half but i do agree with it. i think ames missed my point, though.

That’s what I understood from your post, moish. Did you mean to say that people are naturally selfish, hence the passuk ve’ahavta…komocha, and that’s why when they daven for others with a similar need, it’s often insincere? Was that your point?

~a~

got it, moish. that’s settled

~a~

oomis, agree, 100%! People should deff daven for others in addition to davening for themselves. People should not daven for others with the intention of getting what they themselves want/need.

~a~

ames, kapusta, you are mistaken. I assure you that I have not taken on a different sn to be sneaky. My posts will continue to go up as “squeak” when they go up. I have had different screen names in the past, but that was before either of you were around (oy, I remember when you two were that small, I wish I had pictures). In any case, I changed screen names because I forgot my passwords, not because I wanted to sneak around (I’m squeak, not sneak). That’s what comes from getting older, but it’s better than the alternative!

The only exception to that was when areivim stated that he could spot a squeakish post under a different name. So I posted something about enjoying a fifth anytime (someone was complaining about getting a fifth of bagel, ahem Mr. know it all) but no one caught it; not even the detective areivim who posted right after me. Maybe no one gets it; but most likely is that you don’t normally grasp squeakish humor unless you know to look for it.

Anyway, that was a one timer. I don’t need to hide my fake identity.

any suggestions to make my self REALLY happy for a friends Simchas?

joseph: that was great, are you by any chance a detective, if not you seem like you would b a good one.$

Chunchie, I wish I could answer you. As someone who got married later, I tried, and failed, to be happy for my friends, or even for younger siblings who got married or engaged before me. I was able to be happy for older guys who got married. I will tell you that once I was married, I was able to be happy for them retroactively. If you’re a bachur, I would recommend a small amount of shnapps (NOT a whole bottle) to enable you to focus on your friends instead of yourself at their wedding. It also enables you to ignore the daggers of “im yirtzah Hashem by you” that people so careless toss in your direction. It could be you can try thinking to yourself, “If I was married would I be happy for them?” But again, I have no claim of success here. Hatzlacha rabba.

There is a segulah to hang a picture of a fish on your front door the entire chodesh Adar. This is because the mazal of Adar is Dagim and we hope to have the brocha that we should be zoche to reproduce like fish (among other reasons).It does not have to be an actual photograph of the big one that almost got away but any poster that decipts fish should work. I know quite a few people for whom this worked,(my sister and myself included).

I’m sure some will dismiss this as fishy but those in the parsha who are willing to try it, it certainly can’t hurt. If you do get engaged please pass it around so that others can be zoche to find their proper zivug.

Ok. so I am a few posts behind.

But I noticed a lot of discussion about whether or not davening for someone else will “work” if you really have in mind for yourself to be answered, or whether a person should daven for themselves before/ after davening for a friend.

I have one recommendation:

Daven to Hashem with all your heart. Daven for yourslef. Daven for your friend. Dont worry about the order , don’t worry about the intentions.

Just Daven with heart felt emotions. Show Hashem your pain. Work on building a relationship with Hashem. Work on understanding that your Yeshua can only come from Him.

Did you ever see a little kid fall on the side walk and hurt themselves? Did you watch the way they cry to a parent? They don’t worry about what they are supposed to say, in what order. They just cry. They express their pain completely without holding anything back.

You are all children of Hashem in pain!

Daven to Him like a child to a father! Don’t hold back anything!

I really believe that this is how davening should be! So how do you understand Kol Hamispalel bead chavero.. ? I don’t think its an inyan limited to tefila. I think what its referring to is that you should feel the other persons pain. Not just daven for them, but feel their pain , a whole day, ever day. Then when you daven and you pour your heart out to Hashem, you will automatically daven for them.

Therefor, I beeve if someone is trying to reach thelevel of Kol Hamispalel… they should work on this in the context of feeling another persons pain. Not necessarily in the context of tefila, but , in the context of life.

However, if one is strictly looking to work on their tefila, I believe the key lies in what I mentioned before.

balkishron, that is perfectly awful!

syaglechochma, beautiful!

~a~

Jothar-

Hi.

It also enables you to ignore the daggers of “im yirtzah Hashem by you” that people so careless toss in your direction.

“Im yirtzah H-shem by you”, “May you and your family also be zoche to simchos” and similar statements are not casual, careless, unthinking, or flippant remarks. They are sincere brachos, wishing the one(s) they are directed at success in finding a zivug, becoming a parent, marrying off a child and so on. We have a family friend who has been looking for a shidduch for a while who we actually discussed this with at a Shabbos seuda once. My wife and I both weren’t sure if “IY”H by you too” and the like might be hurtful (especially to one who had been “in the parsha” for a while) and would be better left unsaid. The response was, “No, of course say it. It’s a brocha, and who wouldn’t want a brocha?” Obviously, if you know a person who would find this hurtful, you should be sensitive enough not to do so to them (or anything else that may cause them pain).

baal kishron-

Hi.

I know it’s a joke, but still it’s a pretty strong “shtruf”.

Why is it worse than the old expression “Ir zult vaxen vi a tzibileh – mit di kup in drerd”? I’m not sure it is, but I’m just saying how it struck me.

Anonymiss: while i definately agree that it would be a horrible thing to do it would get the point across no??? 🙂

baal kishron, yup, 100% get the point across. Still disgusting.

~a~