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Besides for the basics (schooling, parents’ jobs, sibling’s school, rav, references, shul, camps, employment, and contact info, what else should a girl say about herself?
Is anything else really necesary?
Nope! this paper goes around and you don’t want your whole life spilled free for everyone to read. The basics are good enough.
Can we call it anything BUT a “resume”?
Makes it sound like someone is applying for a position.
Of the several resumes that I have received, not one said what the girl was looking for! I don’t really think knowing what town the girl’s grandfather came from (I am NOT making this up) matters more than that. I could see having the following, but I’m sure there are those that will want to add/subtract:
Name
Age
Height
Schools/camps
Current job/yeshiva info (including rav they’re close to for boys)
Area where they live/Shul (there may be 5 Chevy Friedmans in Flatbush so to know they’re in the 20’s is helpful)
Family info (limited to parents and if necessary, immediate siblings)
What she/he is looking for
Any other unique things (wants to live in EY, do kiruv, etc.)
hudi; I’m surprised you forgot to include a current copy of fathers bank & savings accounts. J/K, however
including height w/o heels is now a new trend,
to avoid any confusion.
If you dont mind calling it a resume, please dont get frustrated when the salary negotiations begin.
Can we call it anything BUT a “resume”?
Makes it sound like someone is applying for a position.
bio?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know some people put a description of themselves and what they’re looking for but I think its not as common.
I named my daughter’s file “Shidduch Profile”.
It might be a good idea to write all the info on paper so the shadchan has the info and doesn’t have to call you a million times!
include family and extended family pple can get an bigger picture of who you are and where your coming from,
also alot of pple say dont put what your looking for in writing it can limit your potential shidduchim possibilties!!
Also a very important point is REFERENCES people call me all the time for shidduch info they want reliable and accurate info if your reference doesn’t know what your doing now, working as, family background etc.
then they shouldn’t be your reference. trust me mothers get turned off if the reference says oh whose that maybe i know her a little but i don’t know what shes doing now…. it could be problematic to say the least
Be very, very careful what you put on paper – or on the web. You’d be surprised how files can “get around.” It might not even be the shadchan, but the shadchan’s kid or whoever who has access to the files. And if someone hears something and declines to believe it, the reply, “She wrote it herself,” is hard to meet. And anything that’s on the internet – even if the site is frum – is open to the world forever and ever.
Another disturbing thought: I have known shadchanim who shmooze about their clients, the idea being that if you don’t mention specific names, then it isn’t lashon hara. Unfortunately, sometimes they give details that would make it possible to identify the person if the hearer knows the “client.” This might be less of a problem in a smaller community where everyone knows everyone else anyway, and sees them as whole people rather than just some gossiped-about quirk, but where the families are strangers, it could be fatal. Shadchanim should never, ever talk about their clients in any way, shape or form unless it’s for direct tachlis. It makes for duller conversation, but being a shadchan is in the same league as being a counseling psychologist – what goes in the ears must never come out the mouth. Anything else is an aveirah and a betrayal of trust.
Shidduch profile is better thasn “resume,” IMO. I prefer to call it basic info. I could not care less where someone went to camp. I DO care where this girl or boy went to do chessed for others.
I DO care where this girl or boy went to do chessed for others.
–
Chessed is for girls.
“including height w/o heels is now a new trend,
to avoid any confusion. “
bein hasdarim, c’mon your joking right?
Height without heels? What about eyesite without glasses and weight before and after lunch?
Also, bios really should depend on the age of the person. Is it really necessary what high school a 32 year old girl went to? What she did during her summers as a teen or even the seminary she attended? Does it matter what shul her father davens in or which daf yomi shiur he goes to?
Does it matter that a 29 year old bachur spent 3 summers in camp agudah, one as a waiter? Or that when he was 19 he learned in yeshiva “x”? People change in 10 years.
I think only current info is important. A couple can discuss their lives growing up as they date and get to know each other.
“hudi; I’m surprised you forgot to include a current copy of fathers bank & savings accounts. J/K, however”
Listen, guys looking for money need to avoid the guys who use US savings account at .5% ; there’s the nebachs. A healthy portfolio, well diversified equities combined with significant overseas accounts ( I’d ask the shadchan specifically for the Caymans, because Switzerland just turned tail) will avoid the tax man and hopefully produce a strong return. Remember, he’s going to support you for a long time, so think to the future.
It’s kind of like fat potential. You need to look ahead.
Oh yeah, and don’t forget um…middos…yeah, it’s the most important thing.
Guys, do your homework!
apushatayid; Do you think it would be fair for a short boy to write on his resume’ his height (when he’s wearing his Borsalino?)
as regular height. 😉
I dont think that’d be fair for the girl.
After all she might trip over him later if he takes off his hat. Not fair!
On a drivers license, I hear, Nu.. al tifrosh min hatzibur.
personally I think someone becoming frum is impressive, so would a lot of others, we take yiddishkeit for granted.
ya, a 30 yr old has long changed since their good ol’ high school days—- questions should be about what theyre up too now
people expect more from 30 and up yr olds not just their h.s and seminary
I never had a shidduch resume (I never even heard of one until I found my wife’s after we got married), but I did find it pathetic that some girls refused to go out with me because of the reputation one of the yeshivas I attended had gotten due to an incident that happened years after I left.
At first it was depressing until I realized that if they say “no” because of that then they’re not the kind of person I want to marry.
“apushatayid; Do you think it would be fair for a short boy to write on his resume’ his height (when he’s wearing his Borsalino?)
as regular height. ;-)”
Has shidduchim become a game of oneupmanship? how tall doesnt really mean how tall? I suspect most people involved with shidduchim are proficient in 1st grade match, to calculate how tall a 5’4 girl is in 2 inch heels. whats next, is she smart, well, with einsteins brains, she is a genius. middos? well, when she morphs into the ramchal her middos are impeccable. just tell it like it is.
apushatayid;
You missed the point! Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough,
I’m referring to misleading someone. If she wants to put her height as 5’8 with six inch heels, let her write “wearing 6 inch heels!” or say “i’m 6’8 standing on step stool”
If however you believe being honest is being petty,
lemme tell ya, ppl who are kinda short, tend to round off to the next inch skipping two inches in between for good measure, so for a guy w/ average height, a girl 5’2 is not such an issue,
whereas 4’9 might be.
The height issue actually comes up a lot for me.
A guy writes/tells people he is 5’8/5’9 some so brazen to say 5’10 and then it comes back to me that they aren’t interested, why? because he is actually 5’6/5’7.
Personally, I think its just better to be completely truthful from the get go and you’ll save yourself as well as the other person A LOT of time.
Sacrilege; common, you have to round off! j/k
the rule is, whatever says on the license, Azoi Iz!
even if they seem much shorter. 🙂
I see a lot has changed from the time I dated until now. In a few years when my kids start getting into this parsha I see I have a lot to learn.
I dont suppose its easy to just tell all boys not to wear a hat and all girls to wear slippers on a date?
apy – I practically go barefoot 😉
apushatayid; mishugasin always match the times. 😉
You’ll catch up, but some things are just ridiculous & even though a certain shadchan may suggest or ask some things,
use common sense, and if it sounds or feels wrong,
go with your instincts & put your foot down.
You’d be amazed at what some t’mimusdige ppl would do just bec
the shadchan or the neighbor said.
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