Shidduch Crisis Solution

Being “carreer” minded is the problem . A girl can take a bookkeeping class, go for a two year degree to be an ultrasound technician, work in an office, etc.

A lot of the women that I know were very carreer minded and wanted men who were very accomplished either in learning or in their careers as well. What ever happened to accepting mediocrity for the time being, and leaving room to progress and grow with time?? Starting out living tight and not being scared? We feel such a push to be completely settled, I think that’s what’s hurting us.

yeshivabochur123-

That’s not the main age argument. The most basic age argument is very simple and cannot be denied. It is as follows:

Each year, more frum/yeshivishe people are born than the year before. This is a fact. So, for argument’s sake, let’s say 1000 such babies were born in 1989, and 1200 were born four years later in 1993. Let’s also assume for argument’s sake that exactly half are boys and half are girls. In the year 2011, the 1200 girls born are ready to go out – they are 18 years old. But who are they going out with? Not their own age, because the boys won’t start going out until they are 22 (let’s say). So they are stuck going out with the boys born in 1989 or earlier, which leaves them 200 short no matter which way you cut it. I haven’t heard of any adequate argument against this simple numbers problem, and it seems like the most basic cause of the “shidduch crisis.”

Yitayningwut: We actually agree on something.

YeshivaBochur:My wife was tired of being set up with bochurim that expected her to support and wanted an established man. My father did not let me date until I graduated college, had a job and was able to support a family. I granulated college when I was 23, also started working in my last semester and met my wife right after. She did not want to wait for “mediocrity” and she got me:):)

mommamia22: Career minded is not the problem. It’s the expectation that the wife needs to support. Some of these girls grew up in learning home and want more for their kids in terms of finances. They want to dress nice and not wear handme downs.

yitayningwut: You still need to include a percentage of girls that do marry boys who are 18. I think we had this calculation topic before. Let’s not get into it again. But according to your numbers, do you suggest boys dating earlier when they are not ready?

yeshivabochur, i hear what you are saying, but first of all, you can’t just have one income, the husband’s, and then say, now the wife doesn’t have to worry about a thing. one income is just not enough these days (sometimes, even two isn’t enough!) now, yes, there are exceptions to this rule, like the very wealthy ppl,or the young couples being supported by their parents (which is a whole different discussion) but you know, i don’t think young couples (not being supported by parents) are part of this exception. i can hear that one income is enough until you have kids.(that is ultimately what I want) but once the kids come, and hopefully, there will be at least a few, you really need the money, and these days, you need both the income of the husband, and that of the wife.

also, what you said about bochurim who are not cut out to be the next roshei yeshiva- i don’t agree. yes, if the bochur is mamash just sitting there and warming benches, and he really doesn’t want to be there, but he is doing it because that’s the thing to do, and it’s the “only way to get a good shidduch”, then he should go to work. but if someone is sincerely sitting and learning, and it means the world to him to be engaged in learning the precious words of the Torah, just because you don’t think he will become the next rosh yeshiva (and how are you supposed to be able to judge that anyway?)why would you rip him away from it? he is not wasting his time! and how do you know he won’t be the next rosh yeshiva? it doesn’t happen overnight! all big roshei yeshiva had to start somewhere. if they would have gone by your advice, we would be minus many of the great gedolim and roshei yeshiva we have today!

now, i think it would work, and make all sides happy, if: boy wants to learn. girl wants husband to learn, at least until they have kids. girl works. boy learns. they have a kid. boy works and definitely sets aside as much time as possible to learn, and keeps aside time, to assist wife in housekeeping and helping take care of kid. girl works (and it is possible to get a job that you can do from home, or you can find a job that only requires you to work half day- and don’t say that it’s not realistic, because i know so many wives who are doing either of these two options) once the kids get older and are all in school, if wife is working out of the house, she can lengthen her working hours, if desired, or if needed. there! now everyone is happy!

anon1m0us granulated college when he was 23?

LMA-

yungerman1-

My partial solution is to have girls start going out when they turn 21.

anon1m0us-

You still need to include a percentage of girls that do marry boys who are 18. I think we had this calculation topic before. Let’s not get into it again. But according to your numbers, do you suggest boys dating earlier when they are not ready?

ha ha ha ha-

You mean like it says in Sefer Shoftim? (21:25)

?????????? ????? ???? ?????? ????????????? ????? ????????? ?????????? ????????

🙂

So manny times i hear how someone didnt act in a proper manner….whoever that other person party is … We really need to think about our actions in regard shidduchim… i have had the ZECHUS of being a sheliach to make a bh blh few shidduchem….. It appears that there is a lot of feelings of hurt in regard to this topic… We are zelem elokim we have to act accordingly…

There’s always talk about getting the boys who won’t be klei kodesh out working earlier. How about a learner-earner model, where boys work and learn? These boys/young men will be able to learn substantially for years if done right.