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Help! Someone involved in shidduchim wants to help me in shidduchim.
Pronto, I need to send her 3 pics of myself and brief bio.
Where I grew up
Education
What I do for work
If I am interested in moving out of the area
Some other things that she said…This whole conversation was like 2 minutes on the phone. Instead of thanking her profusely, I told her, “I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know what to write. I don’t have good answers because there’s so many unknowns.”
What do I say? Unemployed? Figuring it out? Focused on survival?
Preparing to be a housewife.
What would you say if you were writing an online dating profile? The idea is present yourself in a positive way, and to express a little about who you are and what you are looking for. It’s not about getting dates , it’s about getting good matches so be honest but not too honest . you don’t say you are unemployed you say what your field is, for ex. I chose special ed bc I love helping kids.
In regards to pics, supply one in which you look good. It’s enough of a bushah that people (mothers) are demanding pics. Now they are asking for multiple pics and they can’t be chasuna pics only “natural”. Don’t play that game. Give a pic that presents you best. (How many of those mothers would be caught without their makeup on?!)
Good luck!I would argue against pictures before which makeup was done by a
professional artist (unless that’s how you usually look), and I would
also argue that such pictures often are not the best presentation of
yourself. (As per Daas Torah, I’m not in favor of pictures in general.)(As per Daas Torah, I’m not in favor of pictures in general.)
as per daas torah I outright refuseI would only agree to send pictures if it is for the shadchan’s eyes only, and the shadchan would have to promise that she would not forward it to the proposed shidduch or his mother. Sometimes shadchanim make a file of each “client” and include a picture so they can remember more personally who the client is. Sometimes the shadchan does not meet the client in person, and seeing a picture is at least some way to better connect than just an email or a phone conversation.
Hatzlacha!What do I say? Unemployed? Figuring it out? Focused on survival?
All of the above…
Depends who I’m talking to…But those answers sound pretty familar.
I have pictures on my resume, totally natural no makeup pics. Let people think whatever they want.
… Of course, I meant “maseicho” as a drash, not the actual pshat.
‘Lo Taaseh Lecho Pesel Kol Maseich”
Maybe there’s something to the early ( and even , contemporary ) opinions by some rabbonim against photos of people.
“Maseicho” …. A mask… A pic masks the person to a degree.
Who knows…I didn’t put on any picture when I was meeting shidduchim. I felt it was shallow and wrong.
Although now when I try to help my friends and their friends etc if I don’t know the person personally and never met, a pic can reveal allot of what the words describing their personality,level of Yiddishkeit, chassidishkeit, tznius etc.
So now I’m not sure….but definitely not multiple pics, and one where you look your best.
What I’ve found after being involved in so many shidduchim is that those who b’shitta do not send any pictures tend to get the best shidduchim.
All of my pics (2!) were basically head shots. I would not put a full body picture. One shows my torso but it’s taken from a distance and you can’t really see much from it. I don’t find it degrading, I want people to see what I look like. It’s a personal prefrence.
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