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The options: A) Go on a date without shaving. Intellectually, the girl will understand that you don’t normally look like this, but emotionally, she may have a hard time imagining herself marrying this shlump, (especially if her father shaves during Sefirah). You only get one chance to make a first impression!
B) Shave for the date. There are many halachic leniences allowed for Shidduchim, and this is only a minhag. However, she may be upset with her potential chosson shaving during Sefirah.
C) Don’t date during Sefirah. Perhaps the simplest, but shemah yakdimenu acher is a very real concern which halacha takes very seriously. A month or more off from Shidduchim is no joke.“A”. Hands down. It’s hardly a question. The pertinent point is, as you said, “However, she may be upset with her potential chosson shaving during Sefirah.”
Rav Chaim Mintz talks about this here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvuOXbvpREA&t=0s . Personally speaking and correct me if I’m wrong, Most girls are not as into looks as guys are, so it shouldn’t really bother them (of course there’s exceptions). It’s interesting how this question seems to always come up. I would assume there would be a general answer that everyone sticks to and thats it. It could be there is and I just don’t know about it.
Some girls are bothered by it even if they are not that into looks.
Maybe it should be left up to the girl to decide if she wants to avoid dating sefira if it bothers her. The only problem is: How is she supposed to know which part of sefira the guy holds by? It would be pretty rude to ask beforehand.She’ll have to stop dating for 49 days.
You should grow out your beard before sefira so you look like a bearded man not a shlump.
or she can go out on Lag B’Omer. But the chances are that at least one of them has a chasuna that night.
But what if he has a date before sefira? Wouldn’t he have the same problem? Or is it different if you can trim it as it’s growing in? (Boruch Hashem, I never had a beard, so I’m a bit ignorant on the topic.)
The one time I remember it’s bothering me, it was actually the mustache that bothered me. And that was just because his father was Egyptian and the mustache made him look like an arab.
But I guess if I had liked him more it wouldn’t have bothered me. And I don’t remember it’s ever bothering me any other time. Unless that was the only time I ever went out during Sefira.
It is forbidden to shave even when it is not the omer. In the early 1900s many bochurim succumbed to this serious disease because they feared that since most of the girls were already influenced by the haskala they would not marry bochurim with beards. The Chofetz Chaim responded that a bochur should not worry that the girl will not marry him because of his beard, because if she will not marry him it must be she is not his basheret. Because it can not be that a person would be required to do an aveirah in order to marry his basheret, and would be deprived of his basheret for keeping torah and mitzvos.
Trimming it as it’s growing in can help. Also, if you keep your beard permanently, the awkward half-beard happens only once.
It’s a tough question. A girl may intellectually be supportive of her date not shaving during sefirah, but she can’t control who she is or isn’t attracted to. She may not find her date attractive due to the beard and the relationship may stop in it’s tracks because of that. I think that’s a valid reason to rely on a heter.
On the other hand, she might be repulsed by a clean-shaven face during sefirah.
Who said its permissible to shave at all?
Why would a girl want to marry a boy that shaves?!Where did you get that idea?
I think it would be quite extreme for a girl to be repulsed by a boy who got a halachically valid heter to shave.
some girls wouldn’t even notice.
Maybe he should trim so it looks neat and nice, but not so obvious.
I met my wife on Rosh Chodesh Av. I asked the mashgiach of Torah Vodas, Rav Wolfson what to do. He said if she doesn’t understand, then she isn’t what you’re looking for. Of course she understood. And we got engaged on Rosh Chodesh Elul.
My first date with my husband was on Isru Chag Pesach. His family’s minhag is to keep “the first half” of sefirah. He asked his Rav, who told him that which part of sefirah you keep is not based on minhagim; you can keep whatever works for you that particular year. He shaved until Rosh Chodesh that year.
The last few dates he had a beard, it didn’t bother me. He shaved for the L’chaim, which was on Lag Ba’omer. He had a beard by the vort, which was a few days later. That bothered me a bit because of all the pictures we took for posterity.
If pictures are that important, a little stubble can be covered up with some 3d makeup.
Beards are more Jewish than shaving.
or removed via graphics… but ry.. won’t that be maras ayin?
or maybe some chinuch issues for the children?I think it would be quite extreme for a boy to seek a heter to avoid a Jewish custom on the basis that not following the Jewish custom will assist him in fulfilling a Jewish marriage.
So I asked my grandson if he was going to shave before his date last night, and he said no, because his shaver broke and he was too busy researching fancy restaurants he was going take his date to and blow the large sum of money he earned from agreeing to go out with a nebach older single.
I said, maybe use the money to buy a nice shaver. He said no way, he only wants to spend the money on food. I guess 18 year olds only care about food.
I guess 18 year olds only care about food.
and trolling 🙂
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