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What does the oilam think about shaving for a first date on chol hamoed?
I would think the girl would be more impressed with the guy’s adherence to halacha of not shaving than she would be impressed with his flaunting the prohibition.
Pashtus is the Noda Bihudah would be relevant here, but I won’t be the one to say so L’ma’aseh.
i prefer beards 🙂
What does the oilom think?
Huuuuuuh?
Noda B’Yehuda Mahdura Kamma siman 13
http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=1497&pgnum=16
Although the Chasam Sofer disagrees with him in O.C. siman 154
http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=794&st=&pgnum=118
R’ Soloveitchik held that it is muttar and therefore a chiyuv to shave on chol hamoed. See “Halakhic Positions of Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik” p.25 and Nefesh Harav p.189.
Igros Moshe O.C. 1:163
http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=14673&st=&pgnum=285
What does the oilam think about someone asking a halachic question to anonymous posters rather than asking his own Rav?
I think it depend on if you’re a man or a woman
Any girl that would be “turned off” by one of my son’s not shaving on Chol Hamoed, i would not went as a daughter in law.
I don’t think you can compare dating to work related issues about shaving.
Also, in today’s society, where almost anything goes, (tattoos, etc), i cant see shy a beard would be a problem
What if the girl asks why don’t you have a beard it’s Chal hamoed? and when you tell her that you got a heter she dumps you because your not makpid in halacha
i just heard a shiur on dating by rabbi heineman where he states you shouldnt date on chol hamoed as a first date (was saying about the three weeks but extended it to chol hamoed) so the girl could see you clean shaven for the first time (basically not allowed to shave for a date on chol hamoed)
Boys should put a picture on their resumes of themselves clean shaven, and then go out on Chol Hamoed. Or bring a picture on the date to hold over his face when he meets her.
:p
He should just sport a beard all year long and he won’t have any such issues altogether.
I once went out with a guy during the three weeks and he looked terrible in a beard!! He was a nice guy but i was TOTALLY NOT attracted to him, and the extra facial hair certainly didn’t help matters… However, i really did appreciate his adherence to halacha. I decided to give it another shot knowing that the next time we would meet would be after tisha b’av and he would be clean shaven… it turned out that he wasn’t for me, but it was BECAUSE he didn’t shave that I actually agreed to go out with him again.
What does the oilom think about not eating in a succah for my first date. What with all the good restaurants not having one?
“but it was BECAUSE he didn’t shave that I actually agreed to go out with him again.”
And if he said that he shaved because R’ Moshe held that there is no issur, and R’ Soloveitchik held that there is a chiyuv to shave, you wouldn’t have gone out with him again?
Patur: i guess i didn’t choose the right words to express myself… i didn’t mean it from a halachik standpoint… I meant that because I understood that perhaps i’d feel better about his appearance after he’d shaved, I gave it another go… had he shown up clean shaven on the first date, I wouldn’t have had any hope that my perception of his appearance would have a chance to improve… I know this might sound confusing and backhanded because i left out many other details about my experience with this particular guy that have nothing to do with this topic… My decision to go out with him again was based on many factors,(we went out a few times over the three weeks) as was my decision to end it… meaning that the beard was not the make it or break it over here!!
Perhaps i did not need to weave in my personal experience to make my point which is that if the ONLY thing a girl is unhappy with about a guy on a first date is circumstantial facial hair, she should be understanding that it’s a temporary thing and she should continue to get to know him. If everything else goes well, she’ll eventually get to see him without the beard…
Ok, now it sounds like you are saying that you didn’t like him but since it might have been because of the beard that you didn’t like him, you gave him a chance to come without a beard, and you still didn’t like him. Had he shaved to begin with you would not have dated him again because you didn’t like him even clean shaven. So it had nothing to do with halacha. (Minor point: In your first post you wrote “I decided to give it another shot knowing that the next time we would meet would be after tisha b’av and he would be clean shaven” and in your second post you wrote “we went out a few times over the three weeks”.)
As an aside, I realized that my first response to you wasn’t really applicable since you were discussing the three weeks as opposed to chol hamoed. But it happens to be that there are halachic justifications there as well.
in reference to your minor point, let me clarify… after the first date, i came home repulsed by his appearance, but he was a mentch and there wasn’t anything else besides his appearance that made me want to say no to a second date, so knowing that looks can “grow on you” I decided to go out a second time. the second and third date went really well, and as i learned more about him, I liked his personality more. Yet after each date I was really torn because I really enjoyed my time with him, yet his looks simply weren’t “growing” on me, and I couldn’t imagine marrying a guy that I wasn’t attracted to! I was nervous to continue dating him, because i knew that if my perception of his appearance didn’t improve, I would eventually end things, and I didn’t wanna take him for a ride… after speaking to a mentor, i realized that the appearance factor could have been affected by the beard, and that seeing him without it might help things. With that in mind, I decided to “give it another shot” after tisha b’av. I specifically didn’t write “a second date” after tisha b’av.
Turned out that my perception of his appearance did not change when he was clean shaven, but my decision to end it was actually based on some other factors that I learned about him through conversation on that final date. (As far as giving him another shot BECAUSE he hadn’t shaved, I meant that I would have ended it even sooner had there not been that hope for improvement.)
Now, that was MY experience, and I do realize after writing it all and thinking it through all over again (it’s been a while!) that with all those details it might not provide support to the shaving vs not-shaving discussion after all!
I guess my bottom line for the OP is that a bit of stubble due to the time of year did not negatively affect my decision to see him again.
Hodulashem
wow
Looks like he was a very lucky guy to have the opportunity to go out with you.
-Twice…
just don’t go on a date on chol hamoed and spend $ on a flight to go in afterwards. (don’t be cheap)
di amar- huh?
after sukkos fly in to that city on a plane. genious right
Not sure you’re making any sense….
getrealnow, did you end up shaving??
I bet he didn’t shave and the girl fell in love with him at first sight for being such a tzaddik and they are now engaged.
In a way it’s good if he has a little stubble. That way you could tell if he’ll look good in a beard, and see if u want him to grow one.
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