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As I battle the dreaded illness the loneliness is overwhelming. No one really wants to hear my pain, no one is really interested to listen to my fears. I don’t blame you! B”H the Eibishter understands all languages and I talk to Him a lot. Maybe not enough? I am looking for ideas, Torahs, or wertlach on Chizuk. Please share them with me. I do try to maintain a positive outlook but sometimes it gets too much. I was just called for emergency biopsy and need to wait another week for results…
P.S Please encourage and help those who smoke to stop. No, I am not a smoker and never was one but who knows what the effects of secondary smoke may have done?
Esther, the feeling of being all alone in the tzarah, thinking that nobody understands what you’re going through, is probably one of the very difficult parts to it.
My heart goes out to you as I try to understand your pain. Oh how we all wish that none of us should ever have to know of such pain.
Hashem should help you be strong in your challenge and he should bring health upon you and your family.
Refuah SHleima!! Would you share with us a name we could daven for?
May Moshiach soon come and bring a refuah to everyone who needs it!!
Refuah sheleimah
Estherh, Torahanytime.com has a large variety of speakers and shiurim. You can watch on the computer, listen on the computer, and/or download the shiurim onto an mp3 player.
Refuah Shelaima!!
estherh
My heart goes out to you, i can tell you one thing i heard that left a strong impression on me, a rosh yeshiva was speaking about ppl that have kids with severe irreversible medical conditions, and he said when someone has a child like that it’s like g-d gave him a slap on the back and said i have faith in you, you can pass this test. in other words it’s the greatest compliment from the greatest person (or thing) around.
i think we can apply it to you as well, hashem as faith in your believe and knows you have the strength to get through this!
estherh,maybe if koach permits, keep a journal of your feelings, fears, kindnesses, and if possible share it with others who are also in pain. Keep in mind that while I would never minimize your pain, you have (hopfully) doctors and nurses and family members and medicine – there are also those who love you and hopefully are caring for you who are also in pain because they love you. It is horrible to feel so helpless when someone close to you is in such pain. We daven and try to stay uplifted but it is a struggle.
I just heard a true episode of a woman who was very ill her doctors told her that she would need to go through more than one difficult operation. Then a member of her family saw in it a Gemorah that Pesachdig Matzos is like a Refuah , She started eating matzo everyday with Emunah and a lot of Bituchen, her pain went slowly away, and by the time she visited the doctor, they could not understand what happened she got completely healed, and did not need any operations.
Have a Refueh Sheleima soon,
Esterh-
i hope everything goes well with the next biopsy. Waiting for results is always so hard .
One thing that helped me while I was struggling was to go on an online support group specific to the illness (such as mdjunction.com). although it is not a Jewish group, i found it a huge help to be able to chat with people going through the same thing. Even though you aren’t going to be able to talk chizuk, you can still vent and hear what others are going through.
As someone else suggested, tapes and CD’s or torahanytime.com or naaleh are a huge help when stuck in bed and can give a lot of chizuk if you listen to the right people.
If you are interested, please ask the mods for my email and maybe we can talk. I have went through my share of health issues and am very familiar with a lot of what you are going through.
Stopping smoking is one of my big fights also and I alwaysa try to talk ppl against it. Having severe asthma when I was younger, I ended up in the hospital from someone smoking at work (which was illegal but that’s another story. )
Hatzlacha.
estherh-
A few suggestions:
1) Keep posting here. The people you shmooze with, and the many who clearly are keeping you in mind with their tefilos and well wishes will hopefully give chizuk.
2) Your family can let people know that you’d like company and what visiting time would be good (or when to call if they can’t drop in). I have visited friends and relatives when they were sick, but not knowing when and if they were up to company held me back to an extent.
3) Initiate calls yourself. Write letters to family / friends / old neighbors catching up.
4) Although most folks here don’t know you and live thousands of miles away, people are davening, saying tehilim and giving tzedaka with your return to good health (IY”H) in mind.
Refua shelaima.
If you don’t want to post your name in the CR (totally understandable), at least submit it anonymously to the Tehillim list [updated every two weeks]. It gets thousands of views each day!
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/tehillim.php
Refuah Shelaima!
Esther, can you please spell out ur name in english because for some reason the yiddish words don’t come up on my screen.
Ill have you in mind when I daven at hadlakas neiros.
Esther Liba bas Miriam
estherh-
I’m sorry the results of the test weren’t what was hoped for.
Although better news would have been welcome, it’s good you posted here so that people are reminded to remember you in their tefilos.
IY”H may the doctors be the correct shluchim to bring about your refua shelaima.
Esther, in Sefer Shmiras Halashon, A Daily Companion, (IIRC) theres an example given of someone who hears that a potential business partner has been out of work and has a lot of debt to pay off. It says there that if one hears this, he shouldnt act based on what was but he should think that since the potential partner has been out of work, he has every reason to think that Hashem will have rachmanus on him and he will succeed. Similarly, if things seem like they were terrible up until now, you have every reason to think that Hashem has a refuah shelaimah waiting for you just “up his sleeve”.
Also remember “Shivisi Hashem L’negdi Samid” is that He is with you and watching out for you. Never give up hope, you are His daughter and as hard as this tzarah may seem for you, its harder for him and he has a countdown until Esther Liba bas Miriam has a complete refuah.
Like they say, worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere.
Stay strong! May Hashem grant you a complete refuah b’karov!
To esther,
I might be able to help you. I’m in the medical field and I probably can steer you in the right direction. I just helped one family member get over the machlah a year ago and now I’m working on another family member and B”H it’s looking good. I know the policy of YWN is not to give out emails, but for this dire situation maybe they will make an exception. You can contact them (if you want) and ask them if they will give you my email and tell them that I give permission. Tell them about this post.
Don’t ever give up hope!
Esther I’m thinking about you so much. I davened for you specifically when I benched lecht this past friday night. I’m sure Hashem figured out who I was asking for when I said Esther from the coffee room!!
I’m sure you know about the Chazak hotline. They really do have inspiring speeches/stories for every situation. Try to listen to them.
Please stay strong as you sounded pretty strong until now.
Refuah shelaime and please keep us posted.
Esther! I’m so sorry! I once heard that there are 3 things to do in illness: Borei Refuos- medicine, Norah Tehillos- say Tehillim, Adon Haniflaos- Recognize Him as Master over all. May He be “M’chadeish b’tuvo…ma’asei b’reishis” by healing you now.
A while ago, my family was struck with this unweclome visitor, and it shook us all to the core. What gave me chizuk was a comment a friend made to me.
He said that all Hashem wants is our tefilos. But He wants sincere tefilos. But people being people tend to slide into a rut, and our tefilos get stale. So He sends us a reminder, to wake us up.
Know that the same way the problem appeared, it can disappear! Never give up hope!
Refuah shelema. I wish all the best for you may you soon be completely cured.
The following “letter” does not directly apply here, but I found it very encouraging and enlightening. (I think this was printed in a Chicago circular)
A LETTER FROM THE YETZER HORAH:
To my star pupil,
I am writing this letter to let you know what I think of you. Up here in heaven things are not like they are down on Earth. Over there, people only know what they can see. If they see a person is “successful”, they think that he is the greatest guy. When they see somebody struggling, they think he might be one of the weaker elements.
Let me tell you something. Hashem gives every person certain abilities that nobody knows about down where you live. Some people are capable of tremendous things, while others were put there for much smaller purposes. Only Hashem in His infinite wisdom is able to give every person exactly what he needs, to reach his potential.
I am very misunderstood. Most people hate me, and I don’t really blame them. Most people think that my job is to make sure that they fail in all aspects of Mitzvos, and that I rejoice every time they sin. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Did you ever watch a boxing coach train his student? It is really a funny sight. The coach will put on gloves, and fight against his student. At first, he won’t hit him so hard, or throw his best punches. But, as the student gets better and better, the coach will start to fight him harder and harder. He does this so that the student will improve his skills, and become the best boxer he can be. This is where it gets strange. Every time the coach knocks down the student, the student gets yelled at!! But finally, when the coach threw everything he has at his student, and not only does he withstand the beating, but he knocks the coach down, there is nobody in the world happier then the coach himself!
This is exactly how I feel. If you fail right away, and don’t even try to fight back, I see that there is not much talent to work with, and so I take it easy on you. But if you get back up swinging, I realize that I may have a real winner here, and so I start to intensify the beating. With every level that you go up, I increase the intensity of the fight. If you finally deal me a blow that knocks me out, I will get up and embrace you and rejoice with your success.
Sometimes my job is very disappointing I see a person with a lot of potential and I start right in on him. He fights back for a while, but when the fight gets too tough, he quits and just remains on whatever level he was on. (And he usually ends up going down!) I feel like yelling at him, “Get up you fool! Do you have any idea how much more you could be accomplishing?!” But I am not allowed to do so. I just leave him alone, and go try to find another promising candidate.
If I have chosen you to be the target of my more fierce battles, it was not for no reason! You have tremendous ability! You were born into a very special family, you have Rabbeim who really care about you, and parents who would help you grow in Torah and Mitzvos. You are a very respectful and kind person.
Always remember one thing: you have a secret weapon at your disposal. I shouldn’t really be telling you – but I will anyway. Hashem himself is watching our “training” sessions very closely. I’m pleased to inform you that He’s rooting for you! If things should ever get tough, almost too tough to bear, just callout to Him with a prayer, and He will immediately come to your aid. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that after 120 years when your time is up in that world of falsehood, you will come up here to the world of truth, where I will be waiting for you with open arms, to congratulate you on your victory, and personally escort you to your place next to the Kisey HaKavod.
Sincerely, and with great admiration I remain,
Your Yetzer Hara
I am not a doctor of any sort, but I am from an area which has some of the most well known doctors in the world. I have Baruch Hashem been Zocheh to help many people, and it would be my greatest pleasure to help you as well. Please post here if you would like to be in touch with me, and then we could figure out how to go about that. Under these circumnstances, I look forward to hearing from you.
Refuah Shelaimah!
Esther-
There is a website called frumsupport.com. People share chizuk and advice about medical and emotional issues. I think you will find it very helpful.
Refuah Shelaimah!
health and unknown613 please email me at [email protected]
estherh-
Have a chag kasher vesameach.
I hope everything goes well next week and you have a refua shelaima, BEZ”H.
Esther- I’ve been thinking about you lately. We didn’t hear from you in a while. I hope you’re feeling ok. Have a refuah shelaime and a good yom tov.
Esther, to say we wish you a refuah shelaima, is redundant and unnecessary. You know that already. I have been through some serious health issues this year as well, and B”H my surgery was a good one, so I wish you a healthy outcome from your treatment. By this time next year, may all the “stuff” you have gone through, be a really distant memory for you. I wish you arichas yamim in the best of health. Our tefilos on Shavuos night are especially meaningful. I try to stay up all night going to shiurim in my shul, and have done so for the last five years, and always try to go outdoors for a few minutes at midnight to daven when Shamayim is really open to us. I heard it said that is one stays up learning all night on Tikun Leil Shavuos, it is a zechus for arichas yamim, so if you have the koach to do so, maybe try to do that, too. In any case, have a wonderful yom tov, in the best of health.
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