Home › Forums › Shidduchim › Shadchanus
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April 19, 2018 12:07 am at 12:07 am #1508606SteveParticipant
I was wondering if anyone knows where the source of shadchanus is. Also does anyone know what the accepted amount is to give the shadchan? Is there even an accepted amount?
April 19, 2018 12:32 am at 12:32 am #1508612JosephParticipantPaying shadchanus is a halachic requirement.
April 19, 2018 12:32 am at 12:32 am #1508611iacisrmmaParticipantProfessional shadchanim generally have a set fee. We have not had a professional redd any of my children’s shiduchim so we talked it over with our machatunim and decided on what we thought was a fair amount and then split the cost between both sides. It was in the $1500 – $2000 range.
April 19, 2018 6:14 am at 6:14 am #1508646Shopping613 ๐ParticipantIn Israel i hear it’s 1000 shekel each side.
April 19, 2018 7:57 am at 7:57 am #1508656JosephParticipantiac: $1500 โ $2000 combined or each?
April 19, 2018 9:25 am at 9:25 am #1508686SteveParticipantJoseph do you know where it says this halacha?
April 19, 2018 9:52 am at 9:52 am #1508710Reb EliezerParticipantThe first shadchan was Hashem as we say in sheva brochos ืฉืื ืชืฉืื. A husband and wife are good shadchonim. My wife and I made a good shiduch. I knew the Choson and she knew the Kallah.
April 19, 2018 11:40 am at 11:40 am #1508727iacisrmmaParticipantJoseph: Total paid to the shadchan.
April 19, 2018 12:37 pm at 12:37 pm #1508867ToiParticipant@Me- It’s mifurash in SH”A, don’t remember where. There are limudim from pesukim in Navi regarding how it gets divided up among the different parties involved.
April 19, 2018 1:21 pm at 1:21 pm #1508900Reb EliezerParticipantLook at Kidushin 12,1 ืจื ืื ืืื ืขื ืืืงืืฉ ืืื ืฉืืืืื and SH/A HaEven Ezer 26,4 , where they give makas mardus ืืืงืืฉ ืืื ืฉืืืื.
April 19, 2018 1:43 pm at 1:43 pm #1508911MenoParticipantI believe the term “shadchanus” as it’s being used in this thread is referring to the money paid to a shadchan, not the act of arranging shidduchim.
April 19, 2018 3:30 pm at 3:30 pm #1508961ToiParticipantThat’s what I was referring to- the cash, not the gemara.
April 19, 2018 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #1508982Reb EliezerParticipantLook at the RMA Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 185:10.
April 19, 2018 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm #1508991Reb EliezerParticipantLook also at the Aruch Hashulchan there 185:11-13.
April 19, 2018 5:46 pm at 5:46 pm #1509000HarotzehbilumshmoParticipantThere is a wonderful book in English on the topic that covers all of your questions and more. Its called Shadchanus in Halacha by Rabbi Shlomo Dickman
Sorry no links
April 22, 2018 2:10 pm at 2:10 pm #1509677icemelterParticipantCome on, what’s 5000 dollars for finding a shidduch? Seriously some shadchanim straight up charge that if not more.
April 22, 2018 5:26 pm at 5:26 pm #1509700BaltimoreMavenParticipantThere is a normative amount in each community.
The Minhag in Yerushalayim – I have heard – was to give 1/3 of the shadchan gelt after the engagement, 1/3 after the Chuppah and 1/3 after the first child was born. Makes a lot of sense.
Shadchan of course stands for “Sheker Dover, Kesef Notel”April 22, 2018 5:27 pm at 5:27 pm #1509708ChalabiJewParticipantI was told by a reliable source that it’s 1500 for rebbeim and klei kodesh, 2500 for regular working baalei batim and 5000 for well to do
April 22, 2018 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm #1509726Takes2-2tangoParticipantApril 22, 2018 5:27 pm at 5:27 pm#1509708REPLY
ChalabiJewParticipant
I was told by a reliable source that itโs 1500 for rebbeim and klei kodesh,
“””””””””””””””””””””””””””
That amount is only if the rebbe or klei kodesh is not taking any government subsities,otherwise how is he different then a plain ball habos who is poorer then a rebbe who is on subsities.April 23, 2018 6:52 pm at 6:52 pm #1510269Takes2-2tangoParticipantMust a shadchan return the money if the engagement broke or is it voluntary?
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