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apushatayid: When you write “This is not true” you are arguing against simple mathematics. If there is an average age gap in marriages where the husbands are on average a number of years older than their wives, there will be more unmarried girls in the shidduch market than unmarried boys. This is a mathematical fact in as much as 1+1=2. I’m sure Dr. Pepper agrees with this mathematical fact.
“There are more girls (of all types cumulative) available than guys (of all types cumulative) available.”
This is not true. Certainly not to the extent that things have reached, as people call it “crisis proportions”.
You assert that rather certainly. I would imagine that the weight of all the people who think you are incorrect, and the study that was done, would lead you to at least wonder.
In any event, if you were correct, we would see a reverse shidduch crisis in whichever community all the guys are in.
Ok. We agree on the following. There are not enough type X males available for all the females who want them.
What I am saying is that people should wake up and understand that type Y males are also perfectly fine husbands a bas yisroel and when that happens the available pool of males has suddenly increased. I think if this ever happens, many who hang out in the type X camp, will suddenly jump into the type Y camp as well seeing that they no longer have to play the part of a type X. While writing this I am reminded of a song written by a friend of my wife called “yeshiva charade”, a parody of the song yeshivishe reid, about the bachur who has no interest in learning three sedarim a day but does so for a shidduch, otherwise nobody will chase him.
apushatayid-
I glad we found some common ground. I agree with your most recent post 100%.
Now on to the next hot topic.
Do you agree that some of the tactics that shadchanim are using are causing guys to longer deal with professional shadchanim?
apushatayid: That’s a side point at best, since cumulatively there are more shidduch-seeking girls of all types than shiddich-seeking boys of all types cumulatively. So you are still short boys and long on girls.
imho, we are missing another opportunity. The numbers gap between young men and women isn’t really all that large. There are many young (and not so young) men that are fine human beings, but lacking in polish, social skills or confidence. They may make someone a fine husband, but they are a crummy date. How about starting an initiative to provide coaching and counseling?
Passfan. That’s an assumption you are making.
Pba. The “study” had its flaws. You can find the discussions of that study on YWN and elsewhere. Plenty available 21-22 year olds in brooklyn college, queens college, even touro, problem is, nobody wants to date them. They exist and are available. Perhaps the yeshiva crowd that NASI is trying to help, should open its eyes and look beyond its own daled amos.
apushitayid:
Look, I won’t deny there are some guys who have a hard time getting dates with girls who are as frum as they are, but want a learning guy.
However, for your theory to be true, you would really need to see a problem equal in scope to the problem in the learning community of too many girls.
You cannot think that is the case- there is no such inequality among the groups you mention.
Besides, as I am aware, there are too many girls even in the communities you mention. That is, among the yeshiva orthodox who are not learning- brooklyn college, touro, etc.
apushatayid: I don’t see how you can argue on basic mathematics. It is a poshut mathematical fact that if the average frum husband is older than the average frum wife, then there will be more unmarried girls than unmarried boys (and, by mathematical definition, some girls will never be able to get married — even though, mathematically, every single boy will be able to get married).
Now, you might argue that the average age of frum husbands is not higher than the average age of frum wives. If you make that argument, you can plausibly say there is no excess of unmarried frum girls compared to unmarried frum boys. But unless THAT is your argument — some husbands are older and equally some wives are older, but on average it is about equal both ways — (and I don’t think anyone will argue that on average age of husbands are not older than the average age of wives), you are essentially positing that 1+1=3.
The shadchanim are continuing with their old ideas as much as you people are trying to show and prove how certain age groups are ingnored, such as 21+ age group. Yes, they all were 19 about 2 years ago and no not all of them got married so they still are available and want to get married. Why is it that at a certain age the girls name just go to the bottom of the list or fall off the list, yet the boys names stay on the list and rarely fall off.
So, i told you about the boy in our family who is in the freezer after returning from E.Yisroel. Yes, Boruch Hashem he is every parents wish in all areas and guess what, the parents get resumes, that they could probably bound already and all with 19 year olds. Yesterday, the call came from someone very choshuv in E.Yisroel and guess what the suggestion was also of a 19 year old.
As much as the parents are pressured, the boy is adhering to the freezer rules and when the time comes and he is ready to go ahead , he prefers a girl of at least 22. A girl of 22 is more solid, knows if she really wants a long term learner and by now what her friends are really good for (especially the married ones who already forgot her phone number). This boy is turning 24 and says has no problem with someone 23 or even just about his age.
So, as much as the shaddchanim are trying to wash themselves clean of blame they are not all totally “not guilty”.
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