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When going away fro shabbos, we tend to bring a gift. Sometimes it’s food or a nice dish, my question is, what do you all think about when you frequently go to someone for meals. Do you need to bring something each time? as hosts and as guests I wanna hear opinions.
As guests, we sometimes bring a gift before Shabbos and sometimes not. It depends on how close we are with the couple (the closer we are, the *less* likely we are to bring something), the occasion (if any), etc.
As a host, I never expect a gift. If they bring one, it’s appreciated.
The Wolf
If you go frequently i imagine one big one here or there is nice. We host someone very often and they just bought us some beautiful dishes- it was very nice and appreciated.
Bringing food is always a safe bet. Flowers are a touchy subject, and no one needs another candy dish.
P.S. – If you’re coming to us for Shabbos, cherry nibs is your ticket in!
BP Totty
I got nibs… is that an invite?
Nibs are my fave!
Is this a CR shabbos party?
Gifts are always apreciated! They are never excpected (I hope not at least!). However If going just for a meal it depends how close you are ie. family, However it also depends if you go weekly monthly or once in a yoivel!
It’s always nice to bring something. Here in LA, Tomchei Shabbos has a “service” whereby you make a donation to them in the your host’s honor and they send an acknowledgement e-mail to them.
I think this a wonderful way to say thanks to your host AND help people who are less fortunate. Like BP Totty said, who needs another candy dish???
If your bringing a food, I would *personally* bring a baked item like a pie or a cake, something that the host doesnt have to feel pressured to serve in middle of the meal.
Unless, you called up before hand and asked if you can help with the menu.
I sometimes feel uncomfortable when people bring gifts, its always appreciated but I don’t want them to feel obligated to do so, and I would like them to feel like they can drop by any time even if they weren’t officially invited. So I would prefer if they happened to bake something or if they made a particular salad that they love and wanted to share.
The best thing I think is a nice card or note to just say that you always enjoy being part of the family and having a good time with them. But that is me. I think you should do what the host appreciates the most. So there is always a bottle of wine to share, a desert, some candy, etc.
Laguy
That’s a beautiful idea. Wish they had that here. Who really needs another bottle of wine, candy dish….?
LA guy, WIY, Now that’s an Idea, shouls we post in on the invention thread?
A frequent guest asked family members what the family would like as a gift and yes it was a dish but it was needed!
Another gift thats nice to get is a shabbos lamp.
That is if you give them a gift often, but if its just here or there ONE time can be a lamp.
Maybe you can dismantle the lamp and every time you go give them a piece. Like a puzzle! 😀
nice arrangement of chocolates is always welcomed.
Sacrilege
That’s a great way to make sure they don’t invite you back!
Phrum –
Nibs are for “arms-lenght” guests. You (and all CRs) are family!
You can bring single malt!
But seriously. Food that’s not store-bought may present a kashrus problem, if you’re going to someone that does not know you.
Candy (not the dish, the edible part) or nuts is always safe, and for as little as $3, you can give your hostess the opportunity to dust off the candy dish she already owns.
LOL @ dismantling the lamp.
Around here, people usually bring wine. And hope the kids don’t whine.
We often have guests for shabbos. One who comes often never brings us anything. But he gave big checks to my kids when they got married. That’s fine with us. Another couple of guests always bring us a nut fruit chocolate platter. Plus gifts to my kids. I always bring something if I’m going to hosts outside my family. That depends who they are and how close. If I go alone, I bring wine. If with my wife, both wine for the husband and flowers to the wife. Everybody should do whatever they feel the hosting family would apprecaite. Use your seichel.
We don’t get invited out much, so when we do, we make sure the entire host family is taken care of (so that the next time they are thinking of having guests, they think of us!).
I take care of a nice bottle of wine for the husband. My wife usually gets a gift certificate for a manicure for the balabusta and we usually bring some sort of candy platter for the kids.
BPT
“You can bring single malt!”
Bourbon for me please.
Sorry, Sac. Ladies get Starbucks or Godiva
(and no sneaking over to our side of the mechitza!)
Once got high on that Starbucks stuff.
….Not sure if it was the 2 shpritzes of alcohol or all that caffeine.
(and no sneaking over to our side of the mechitza!)
Hah for some reason when im by simchos its the MEN who sneak to the ladies side (ususally by the smorg…)
BP Totty
With the new OU on it?
Always a bottle of wine. If they get too many, there’s always Pesach.
Sacrilege
Were you serious about that bourbon comment?
WIY
Are you asking me if I’m a lush? Unfortunately…. I’m not.
But that is the alcohol of choice in the Sacrilege home, no scotch for us.
Bourbon is really the way to go. It brings a smile to the face of any host. And, it will assure you more invitations….
Sacrilege
But you can drink bourbon? Its not often one comes across a girl who can drink bourbon.
lkwdfellow-If you are ever invited to a Canadian home, do NOT bring bourbon. We Canucks cannot stand the stuff. Here a nice bottle of rye (Crown Royal) or a single malt scotch is appreciated.
We like to bring wine, if the family doesn’t drink wine (amazing how many people make kiddush on grape juice!), they can always give it to someone else. If I’m in the mood, I’ll make cookies and put them in a nice dish.
There’s one of those places near me that makes up candy baskets. Those are nice in the $15 range, I just don’t feel comfortable when close friends bring gifts from there that are $40+. It’s totally unnecessary.
My husband’s drink is bourbon, so maybe we should be inviting lkwdfellow.
We have some really close friend that comes to us often so each time she comes she doesn’t bring something (I mean if your married sister came and every time brought something, it’d be weird.) Sometime she makes dessert and brings it. But by Yontiff and stuff she brings over a platter. It’s a good, cheap, inexpensive gift that is really useful.
P.S. – If you’re coming to us for Shabbos, cherry nibs is your ticket in!
lol we had to make hostess gifts for my sisters school and we got nibs for them!!! I guess they’ll invite the girls again with them. 🙂
“Bourbon is really the way to go. It brings a smile to the face of any host. And, it will assure you more invitations….”
Seriously?? Bartenura Moscato di Asti does it for me. Bourbon (or any straight liquor (as opposed to a nice liqueur)makes me vomit.
I always ask the hostess what I can bring to make it easier for her, i.e: kugel, dessert, etc.
If guests ask what they can bring, I usually tell them dessert.
I have a huge accumulation of candy dishes people have brought me when they were staying over for Shabbos. The only time I ever really used them was when we made a L’Chaim.
WIY
Actually, I dont drink at all.
I’m not a bourbon fan, I like my scotch!
Moscato d’Asti is like soda with a little alcohol in it – good at times, but not my favorite. I’ve been enjoying some Rieslings lately.
Bringing food is always a safe bet. Flowers are a touchy subject, and no one needs another candy dish.”
I say a bottle of Moscato is a safer bet. Everyone drinks wine (this one happens to be great), or if they don’t they can re-gift it to someone when they are invited out, or put it in a shalach manos to the machetonim. Food is a tricky item, because a) the hostess already cooked and b)there might be someone allergic in the family. We can never accept homemade food unless the guest checks with us on the ingredients, because a member of my family is highly allergic to sesame and other seeds, and presumed allergic to nuts, as well. So everything has to be checked and triple checked that it has no traces of those items. This is harde than one would think, as even equipment in a facility where nuts and seeds are processed can affect an item NOT made with those items. So check with your host.
A nice thing that someone did recently was to make a frozen dessert (first asked me if it was ok) in a lovely ceramic tart pan, and the pan and the dessert were a gift. After the first time, I would not want, much less expect someone to bring me a “hostess gift,” but the first time someone eats in my home, it is a nice thing for them to do, even a small token. I was brought up to do so. I have had people who never brought anything, other than their appetites, and I still invite them. Though it should not be expected, it is proper to show hakoras hatov in the form of a gift of some type even in a small way.
I think it depends how often you go to the host. If like crdle said, you go all the time, I think it’s unnecessary (and a little over the top) to bring something EVERY time you go. If they’re close enough to you to ask you to make food for them, then I think you should be comfortable enough going sans gifts. We have a guest that comes almost every Shabbos, and never brings anything. I think in a way that bringing something would diminish their closeness with our family. That’s not to say that once in a while you can’t bring something, or that you don’t thank them, etc.
Also, to the people who said they like to bake for their hosts.. sometimes we have guests over who’s kashrus we don’t 100% trust, so then it becomes a little uncomfortable if they had baked something for us. We prefer a wine or some sort of food where the hechsher is obvious. That being said, we never expect or need a gift -we invite people because we enjoy having guests, not because we want to receive gifts.
Alternatively, one can always bring a fruit platter. Hosts ( especially those on diets, or claiming to be on diets) seem to like it & it doesn’t have to be so expensive. Personally, I’d rather someone bring bourbon, but to each their own….
lkwdfellow
The good thing about Bourbons is that you can get a good one cheap. Whereas, Scotches the cheap ones taste well, cheap.
Sacrilege – I agree with you that the mailah of borbon is that you can get a great bottle for pretty cheap. But respectfully disagree with you on scotch – even the expensive ones taste terrible.
lkwdfellow
Although, some of the pricier bottles have a smoother finish (ie Basil Hayden)
Sacrilege – I have bought basil’s on sale for about 33-34 dollars, which is still cheaper than any decent scotch. For a few dollars more, I highly reccomend Rowan’s Creek. If you don’t need the smoother finish – there are so many geshmake bottles – Maker’s Mark, Baker’s, Wild Turkey Rare Breed – to name a few…..
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