Setting up a MO girl with a serious Lakewood bochur = good idea or not?

Mr. Rebbetzin: You’re twisting the facts. That only occurred the first year when he forgot to tell his new second wife that he doesn’t eat gebrokts and she already prepared the meal with gebrokts. It was an onus, one time and done to avoid embarrassing her

As long as her parents have the required $100,000 check for the boy, there’s no problem.

Mr. Rebbetzin: You have not named any nor provided any sources to such allegations. Direct us, if you will, to where you’ve identified such.

Your “yesh al mi lismoch” must be referring to Prof. Michael Broyde, whom I need not remind you what HaGaon HaRav Sholomo Miller said about him in response to that comment of his.

The Chofetz Chaim lamented that breaches in tznius were common in his time, too. That doesn’t mean there’s any justification for such breaches. And when the Aruch Hashulchan and Ben Ish Chai lament that it was common that some didn’t cover their hair, they very much condemn that flagarant violation of Halacha. So your use of the Aruch Hashulchan is very much disingenuous as the A”H is saying the exact opposite of what you’re trying to claim. Namely, he specifically writes it is a terrible aveira to leave the hair uncovered.

I am familiar with one Rov who there’s a picture of from about 80 years ago where his wife’s hair allegedly wasn’t covered. Even assuming that was the case, when he was the yungerman when that photo was taken was long before he because a big rabbi in his community. I don’t believe he was even a pulpit Rabbi yet at the time; He certainly wasn’t a godol then and his wife’s action then, assuming that’s what happened, aren’t by definition a demonstration of what is or isn’t permitted under Halacha.

As well as the OP knows or thinks they know the people, You never really know what they are really thinking. Does the Girl want to become more yeshivish or does the boy want to become more modern, you really dont know that. If there is something there compromises can be made.

As far as the wife taking the husbands minhagim, Not all Minghagim are worth fighting over, I mean is it really worth fighting over the exact amount of a Kezayis (Ive seen arguments over this) . Many couples do make compromises on this as well especially if the husband is closer to the wife’s family

Did somebody out-troll Joseph?

Joseph, obviously he/she doesn’t actually think wearing skirts is comparable to refraining from gebrokts. It’s an obvious troll thread at this point. A satire on the kind of things we would expect MO people to say.

@rebbetzin- “Is that not the same with those that use cholov akum – how many actually researched the issue (or even looked up Reb Moshe’s teshuva) before they decided that they can be maykil?”

How many learned the halochos of eruv in a metropolitan and examined the eruv of their city before deciding that they can use this eruv?!

Get real: we ALL rely on precedent!”

Using Am Horatzos to excuse precedent is a silly thing to do. The assumption people among the right make is that the precedent set by their Rabbonim is one which abides by Halacha. The precedent held by the MO (and more particularly, the type of MO who wear pants, don’t cover hair, etc…) is used as an excuse not to keep Halacha. To conflate the two perspectives is disingenuous.

(Additionally, the examples you gave aren’t really so much of precedent- when you rely on an Eiruv, your basically relying on those in charge of the Eiruv, i.e., that they know what they’re doing and they have who to hold by. Rav Moshe’s teshuva about cholov hacompanies [which is also dangerously close to the heter used in Eretz Yisrael by tnuva mehadrin under Rav Elyashiv’s shittah] is also not an example of one relying on precedent- rather one relying on a psak. They may not know the in’s and outs of each psak- yet they know it exists….)

You’re talking about the Dr. Lamm that called Bnei Torah “cavemen” and was condemned for it by the Gedolei HaTorah such as HaRav Elya Svei zt”l.

Rebetzin
I might agree with you in general that this is not something that should break a shiduch. Another thing to keep in mind is people develop and change especially with relationships and marriage. Its not just two statues that are put together in one house. A husband should be a guide for the wife if the husband is a talmid chachom on whatever level he is IE he learns, understands his mehalech from his learning and avodah, learned from his rebbeim. I don’t think that means that a husband forces her follow a specific set of rules especially nowadays. Husband and wife should be there for one another not for the presentation they make to others.

That being said we unfortunately have other external factors to keep in mind. communities and schools have very rigid and sometimes senseless criteria of who they accept and who not. The school that the husband would want for his son in this case probably wouldn’t accept him because the mother doesn’t cover the hair. the school that would accept them probably wouldn’t have such a serious learning program. until the kids come it wouldn’t matter so much but afterwards it might complicate things a little bit. They didn’t meet yet and aren’t yet crazy about each other just happened to notice each other. They should take this into consideration.

In prewar Warsaw there were wives who R”L were at the movies Friday night while their husband was home making Kiddush.

According to Mr. Rebbetzin this would suggest that a shidduch between a Yeshiva bochor with a girl who goes to the movies on Shabbos is a good shidduch to redt.

The bottom line is that the shidduch in the OP is no different than the idea of a shidduch between a Brisker bochor and a girl who is a member of and prays in a Conservative/Masorti synagogue.

So we can take it that Mr. Rebbetzin would redt shidduchim between Brisker bochorim and girls that go to the movies Friday night.

Are you nuts? Going to movies on Friday night is “on the derech” for MO?
You really are a troll

as long as she makes a good kugel and chulunt i think its shaych am i right @RavDovidHOCKERZ

Rebbitzen- “Seeing what other Yidden are doing and following their precedent is accepted in Yiddishkeit.”

Again, the example you give is misleading. All that Gemara stands to prove is that when originally establishing the Halacha and approached with a valid Halachik argument, the dictation of correct Halacha followed a social tide. Once Halacha is Kavuah, that is not the case.

This is also the rebuttal to Louis Ginzburg’s argument for Conservative Judaism based on the Gemara in Avodah Zarah in regards to shemen Akum. Once a Halacha is established, precedent to veer away from said halacha is insignificant.

That being said, it should seem obvious that a Shidduch between these two different worlds is a bad idea. Their unique perspectives about Halacha are, at least on an idealistic level, rooted in their perspective about the world. Now, obviously two individuals who decide to get married should be different and compliment one another. However, all with the understanding that they have a common ground in regards to perspective about the world and where their lives are headed.

She was extremely modest and hardly went out for the reason

The wives of Gedolei Yisroel were the personification of modesty and had spent their days serving the klal. It is not one or the other. Even Sara imeinu, who stayed in her tent, served the klal and had a following of women, how is that not modest?

People change. I cannot say any better than the people on here already have from the neighborhood. But, I hope they have a long life ahead, and tastes change, and people get more comfortable doing certain things as time goes on. I don’t know the list, but I don’t imagine pants to always be a life-long thing that never gets changed. Even if slowly.

But you don’t really choose whom to marry, only whom not to marry.