Second Marriages & Hadlokas Neiros

i dont know about the second marriage thing but I do know that if you miss a week for some reason (my mother missed one week when she was in the hospital) you should add another one forever.

What Mod-80 said. I once missed a week because I was in the hospital and the room I was supposed to light in was locked and nobody had the key. I had no other candles and after much rushing around trying to locate some, I had to give up because it got too late to light. I called a rav right after Shabbos, and he said that I did not have to add a candle.

well then why was my mother told to add another one? She was only able to turn the lights on and off that week and when she came home she was told to add another one…

when it comes time for me to light then i will ask my rav… until then I’ll leave it to my father

I’m remarried and do not light candles for my husband’s children. Their birth mother already does. In the case of marrying a widower with young children who have no birth mother lighting, the halachos may be different.

not possible!

i was told, bsheym Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky zatzal, that the source for lighting one candle per child is that it used to be that after childbirth every mother was in the hospital for a minmiumum 10 days. Hence they always missed a Friday night candle lighting.

So it would seem that a second marriage would NOT require lighting for all the children of the other spouse.

I think women used to give birth at home and didn’t miss lighting at all.

I was told, bsheym Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky zatzal, that the source for lighting one candle per child is that it used to be that after childbirth every mother was in the hospital for a minmiumum 10 days.

A similar idea is expressed by the ??”? ???? ?????, as quoted by the ????? ??? ??????. This is, in fact brought as proof that even missing ????? obligates an extra candle. The ???? ????? doesn’t hold like this, though.

There’s a question on this approach; why would she add another candle for missing because of childbirth since her husband lit, and they were both ?????

I would suggest that a ???? might have developed for some, that a woman add an extra candle even if it was an ????, and even if she was otherwise ????.

This would explain why some light extra even if not at fault for missing.

I’ve seen another explanation for the ???? of adding a candle for each child. The ???? in ??? says ????? ??? ????? ??? ???? ?????? ????? (that the ???? of ???? helps one have children who become or marry?????? ?????), so as a ????, each time a child is born, a candle is added as a ????.

According to either of these explanations, a woman would not light according to the number of her husband’s children.

The extra candle, I was always told, is if she missed the lighting because she forgot, and when she remembered, it was already Shabbos. The permanent additional candle ensures she will not forget again.

That’s what the ???? ????? holds.

oomis- that would make sense but not sure why my mother was told to add one then

You might have missed my lengthly post, but in it, I offered two possible explanations.

1) Some hold you even add if it was not your fault.

2) There may be a minhag to do so even if it’s not technically a requirement.

heres a question…i never posed it to a Rav because I didnt think to. But, when I was single I always lit two candles. I still continue with two. Should I have added one for my husband and light 3 instead of two?

or maybe this was his psak after hearing the whole story!

Daas Yochid,

Im Al Hamelech Tov Ve’im… I usually can’t read Hebrew here, since I’m using a phone. If it isn’t so much more of a Tircha, can I ask that you try to use transliterations wherever possible?

Anyhow, no matter what the reason for lighting an extra for each child, it is definitely not a Ner Neshama. You are not being Motza them, just like the first two are not for the husband and wife.

thanks DY

HaleiVi, this is for you:

I was told, bsheym Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky zatzal, that the source for lighting one candle per child is that it used to be that after childbirth every mother was in the hospital for a minmiumum 10 days.

A similar idea is expressed by the Shu”t M’shaneh Halachos, as quoted by the Sh’miras Shabbos K’hilchasah. This is, in fact brought as proof that even missing b’oneis obligates an extra candle. The Mishna B’rurah doesn’t hold like this, though.

There’s a question on this approach; why would she add another candle for missing because of childbirth since her husband lit, and they were both yotzei?

I would suggest that a minhag might have developed for some, that a woman add an extra candle even if it was an oneis, and even if she was otherwise yotzei.

This would explain why some light extra even if not at fault for missing.

I’ve seen another explanation for the minhag of adding a candle for each child. The gemara in Shabbos says “haragil b’ner havin lei banim talmidei chachamim” (that the mizvah of neros helps one have children who become or marry talmidei chachamim), so as a z’chus, each time a child is born, a candle is added as a hiddur.

According to either of these explanations, a woman would not light according to the number of her husband’s children.

Another possible reason can be that the Gemara says that Nidda, Challa and Ner comes up at the time of childbirth. Although, at that point it is too late, perhaps it is a Z’chus that from then on she will light another. Or, it is a form of Hoda’a for making it through safely.

However, I did hear of the missing a Lecht reason as the main one.

I think that if the kids mother is lighting for them, the step-mother does not but if the mother is no longer alive then i think should would. check with your rav though as i am clearly not one! lol

Nobody lights for them. For whatever reason, you add one by every birth. You don’t even light for yourself.

You are correct in what you mean, but the wording is a little tricky.

The person lighting IS motzi (see – I transliterated!) her household members, so is, in fact, “lighting for them”. You are, of course, correct that the number of candles does not reflect this at all.

always: Was your husband a widower?

Generally once you light a certain number you don’t decrease that number.

Also a person can accept upon themselves to light additional candles as well for various reasons, so if you want to light for your step children there probably is no problem doing so (obviously check with your Posek). I know the wife of a Chashuv posek who adds candles for each grandchild as Hodaah to Hashem, I don’t see why this would be different. (But I’m not so familiar with the halachos — just speaking from observation)

Generally once you light a certain number you don’t decrease that number.

True. In this case there’s an additional (and more important) reason; to stop lighting those extra candles would probably be hurtful, especially since the relationship between children and their parent’s spouse can often be delicate and sensitive.

arwsf,

You could have been mispallel for them without adding candles (although no harm done, I guess.)

Shomor v’Zochor:- 2 sets of commandments, hence 2 Shabbos candles, period!! I don’t add Chanukah candles for kids, and likewise don’t add Shabbos candles for kids.

If one ever forgets to light {and not for the reasons that you “adorable” state that happened in your circumstances} and does have to light an extra candle, this only continues until the following Yom Kippur inclusive. Clearly after being forgiven by haShem on Yom Kippur for having missed to light that time, your slate is cleaned, and back to the regular 2 candles.

Does anyone know the halacha if someone forgot to light a candle on Yom Tov (not shabbos)…does the same psak apply about adding an extra candle or does it only pertain to Shabbos Candle lighting.