school yard bullying

@yikkumpurkan

As a teacher, I can tell you that teachers need breaks, too. We’re humans also, believe it or not.

No bullying, no tolerance for bullies, no “boys will be boys”, or “girls can be so catty,” should EVER be acceptable in a Jewish environment (or ANY environment). You bully during recess – you lose recess. You bully on the schoolbus – your parents have to drive you. You bully anywhere, you are a delinquent.

In middle school, my son had his glasses broken when he got between a bully and the smaller child whom was attacking at the back of the schoolbus. The bully hit my son in the face, breaking his glasses. My son nevertheless got him off the smaller child and alerted the driver. When I called the parents of the boy (a known bully)to ask them what they planned to do about my son’s broken glasses, the mom’s response, “Maybe next time, he’ll learn not to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.” Or something to that effect. They did not pay for his new glasses (our optometrist replaced it for free, as a result). With an attitude like that, how could any child ever develop a sense of right or wrong from such a parent?

PS – my son still sticks up for the underdog.

Even with teachers supervising recces, there will be some bullying. It’s a sad part of life. Kids have a way of keeping teachers from seeing it- a quick shove and tell the teacher the other kid tripped, sly comments. There is no way to fully protect children ever.

I agree it is terrible to bully school yards. I understand they are usually big , but how would you like it if you had a weight problem?

To Be… :p

RebYidd, kids NEED some downtime a couple of times during the school day. A fifteen minute recess is not a bad thing. Sending them home earlier will not solve the problem, and in fact gives the problematic child more time to get into mischief after school.

There IS a huge problem with kids being taught not to “rat” on each other. But there is a huge difference between telling a teacher one has been shoved (or worse), than telling a teacher another child hid the eraser or threw a spitball. Violent action must be dealt with immediately with ZERO tolerance. Little bullies often grow up to be big ones, and btw,quite often, so do the kids upon whom they pickthey pick. Abused children grow up frequently to become abusive adults.

as a former teacher i can tell u there is no simple way to stop bulling completely it is by recess, lunchroom, halls etc. teachers usually only can step in at an advanced stage. but a zero tolerance ruble is a good one.

Even if every Rebbe or teacher stays with their class to supervise recess, the fact is that they can not hover over the shoulders of all (or any) of their students for the duration of the recess break. Zero tolerance is a necessary policy (which schools do need to implement and enforce better) which will deter most bullying, but no school policy can absolutely protect against all bullying.

This is not altogether a bad thing, since bullying does exist in all levels of society, and it is not terrible for kids to have some exposure to it, provided that the school does not allow it to get out of hand by having a zero tolerance policy.

Having a background in both mental health and education, I need to contribute my two pennies.

Some commenters are correct. Bullying will never be eliminated. But it can be addressed in a manner that will deter it, and save the victim if it does occur. There is something very sad about bullying. It is always easier for the school to deal with the victim, who is receptive, than it is with the bully who is not. Typically, the bullying is discovered when the victim finally tries to fight back. It is easy to get sucked into the position of disciplining the victim for throwing a punch. However, the faculty was oblivious to the fact that the tables had finally reversed, and that this new perpetrator is really the victim.

Firstly, teachers are entitled to a break. Leaving recess unsupervised is a breach of their responsibility. They need to address the matter to insure that kids are under constant supervision. And these teachers need to be properly trained to detect bullying. Remember that the response of the bully to being “ratted out” is likely to be intensification of the bully behavior.

Secondly, talking to the bully is close to a complete waste of time. Bullies must be handled with a strong hand, both definitive and direct. Many experts in the field consider this suspension or expulsion, doing something that exposes the bully as one to the entire class or peer group, and may even involve police action and arrest.

The effects of bullying on the victim can be profound. It is cruel to pronounce the victim as tomorrow’s abuser. That is revictimization. It is also not true.

There are several frum people who can be consulted to address bullying, whether it is the intervening in an existing case, or obtaining the continuing education and training to have a program for prevention and intervention in place. We may never eliminate every possible problem, but there is much to do that can reduce it and help us cope with it. Lastly, the families of the bullies should be mandated to enter professional treatment. They can do much to help resolve the problem, whereas their denial and resistance will only exacerbate the problem.

Oomis, a school day should not be long enough to require recess. “

Whether or not it SHOULD be that long is open to debate, but the fact is that the school day IS extremely long, and thus requires a couple of breaks for the children. In a household where both parents must earn a living (or where one parent is NOT earning a living), the longer school day enables them to to do their job, knowing their children are in ensconced in school.

Daniel Q’s point, the importance of which can not be overstated, was that often the best way to protect your own child’s physical and emotional well-being is by eliminating the problem through peaceful means rather than hostile ones. In helping the bully change their situation and self image, you are removing the threat in a more profound and lasting way than with a baseball bat.

Not to impugn Daniel’s generosity of spirit, this approach demands not generosity, but rationality and objectivity.

Simply put, if you will act in a goal-oriented way, and your goal is the protection of your child, you will often find yourself helping the bully.

On a side note, as Daniel alluded, the halacha of yeihareig v’al ya’avor does not actually apply to halbonas panim; the Gemara indicates that “mutav”, it is preferable, (based on Tamar and Yehuda), but this directly indicates that it is not required.

Once more, I will point out that even in a small recreation area with a small number of children, it is impossible to supervise all actions of all children for every second of recess. This is true whether or not the supervisor is shmoozing. As a Rebbe who supervises recess on occasion, I can tell you that nobody understands this better than the bullies. They are shrewd enough to make sure that their actions take place under the radar.

Bullies are usually also the teachers’ favorite students.

“Zero Tolerance” needs to really mean ZERO tolerance. It is a problem that schools are not assertive enough about enforcing this stated policy.

In both of my school careers (as a student and as a teacher)there were times that I was the victim; I was never the bully. I have never seen an instance of the bully being a “teacher’s pet.”

I wouldn’t say that I (as a teacher) resent the bully among my students. Like all students, this child has a problem that it is my job to help him solve. It happens to be that this particular issue is one that precludes me from allowing him to interact with other students in a normal way. If, as a teacher, I am going to succeed with this student, it is imperative that I establish and cultivate a relationship with him that is based on respect and appreciation. Everybody (even the bully) has positive aspects which can serve as the foundation of such a relationship.

Baruch Hashem, I have been able to help bullies of various degrees overcome their problem and reintegrate into the normal school social system.

Yentachaya, the teacher’s never find out about the bullying if the bully is successful.

In my experience, the bully has already succeeded in doing a lot of damage before there is any intervention. Some comments here are the equivalent (lehavdil alfei havdalos) of expecting to negotiate with a terrorist. Bullies know exactly how to respond to all these peaches and cream speeches. They shake their heads, they agree to all the admonitions, they look for ways to incriminate the victim, and they then do whatever they please. Ask any victim. The ZERO TOLERANCE idea means that strong ACTION needs to be taken. Aside from professional evaluation and intervention for the bully, there must be exposure to the class that there is bullying occurring, and that action is being taken. If that costs the rodef his/her place in the class, that may be a last resort, but one that the school is ready to take. Once safety has been regained for the class, all the lessons about midos, bein odom lachaveiro, social skills, etc. can be taught.

I find it offensive to read the generalizations about the home lives of the bullies. Neither the bully nor the victim is being abused at home – as a deduction from the bullying observed in the school setting. Kids just have certain tendencies. Blaming on parents is foolish. That does not mean that all home lives are without flaws. But school bullying does not necessarily reflect on the home. It is unfair to make this judgment.