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2cool, what is it exactly that you are nervous about? Are you nervous about what you will talk about? Are you nervous about what you will look like, what he will look like? Are you nervous about talking to a boy? Can you try to pinpoint what exactly is causing the anxiety so we can be more helpful to you?
I am not the original poster, but I have some of the problems listed above. I have been back from seminary for almost two years and have not gone out on one date. I have spoken to a few shadchanim and just a few suggestions would come up, but i would just find an excuse not to go out with them. I want to get married very badly, but I am petrified to begin dating. I don’t know how to speak to guys and I don’t have any mentors to speak to throughout the process. I guess I just need a pep talk to get me through the anxiety before the first date.
snowy: Please get the book ASAP
Hatzlocha
snowy, do you have any brothers or boy cousins?
I am in agreement with those who suggest talking to her Rov. My parents did nothing when I cried that I need to break up my Shidduch (during my engagement) and I ended up marrying the person, only to suffer much worse pain than if had listened to my inner self telling me something was wrong. A good Rov should know if the person needs to see a therapist, delay the marriage or break up the Shidduch.
aries, Yes I have older brothers. One of them is actually engaged. Why?
–The world always says that girls are more mature than boys —
Girls are not more mature than boys. Each has their strengths. Girls tend to act with more poise but then they have the boys pulling up the car to the house and waiting there for the girl to secretly enter the car so her neighbors don’t see her on a shiduch. You call that mature?
“Girls tend to act with more poise but then they have the boys pulling up the car to the house and waiting there for the girl to secretly enter the car so her neighbors don’t see her on a shiduch. You call that mature?”
I call that tznius. That isn’t a maturity issue. A boy and girl dating trying to avoid community exposure to the extent possible is a virtue of tznius. They aren’t married to each other. Dating itself is only a heter (albeit a necessary one) against tznius. Not being seen dallying with an opposite gender is a virtue even though you have a legitimate reason being together.
Just as a quick update: The person in the story did get married, and had triplets the next year, and then twins 10 months later.
— call that tznius. That isn’t a maturity issue. A boy and girl dating trying to avoid community exposure to the extent possible is a virtue of tznius. —
Going on a date is untznius? C’mon. Sneaking into a car is more untznius.
They don’t do it for that reason. They do it because they are neurotic.
You quoted only part of my comment. The part you didn’t quote already answered your issue.
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