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I need help learning how to accept help. I had twins and got a million offers to watch them so I could rest. So far, I’m still up round the clock and extremely exhausted. When I do ask the offers don’t stand anymore. Do I really have to take offers when I don’t need just cause when I do people won’t be available?
Huh? Could you please rephrase your question for the benefit of slow ppl like me? thanks.
I understand your question 100%. You are very much like me. I hate to accept help and would rather do it myself. I feel bad for the person who offers. DON’T. The person who offers does it with a full heart or else they wouldn’t say anything. What goes around comes around! If someone does something good for you then you will have the chance to do something good for them or, for that matter, for someone else who needs it. You have to try to forget your nature and let people help you. Just smile and say “thank you…that would be wonderful”.If you live in Toronto, I would love to help you with your twins!
“I need help learning how to accept help”
Hmm. If I help you learn, would you accept?
If you’re up around the clock you should be able to use help just about anytime. Seriously, can’t you grab the offer, then when the help arrives hop into the shower and take a well deserved nap after? Or do whatever else you fancy, get out of the house or whatever. Don’t think you could use more help tomorrow, you probably need the rest NOW.
justsayin, #1 a huge Mazel Tov! You should only have nachas from all your children. Many people offer to help and mean it when they say it but realistically it doesn’t pan out, so don’t feel bad you didn’t take it when they said it. Probably most of it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. If you live in the Brooklyn area there are a lot of sources of help. There is an organization called Oseh Chesed that provides trained help for 5 times for free and I believe for longer if you are willing to pay. There is a support group called Mothers of Multiples that you can find in classifieds section of the frum newspapers. I know quite a few women who belong and they find it helpful. N’shei Ahavas Chesed will find you women to come to your home for a few hours to babysit the babies so you can rest or do whatever you need to do. There are also organizations that will send you cooked lunches for a while. Most of these are listed in the Hamodia (I believe it is in Monday’s paper) when they list the gemachs. Hatzlocha.
The hormones after having a baby will wreck havoc with your moods and separately SO DOES LACK OF SLEEP. If you have trouble sleeping with the help, you can even ask the doctor for sleeping pills. The goal of the help is to make your life more regular and scheduled, so you can assume some sort of normal routine (eating, sleeping, meals, laundry, shopping, etc.) Anticipating this will help motivate you to accept the help and as the others suggested help from organizations make be comfortable to take.
You make be able to give over shopping or laundry duties to a friend.
Despite your exhausion, try to see what you need, what type of help and when, and you will be able to get your life somewhat under control.
I know some people like that. The don’t like asking for help and don’t like when people offer to help and I have a sneaking suspicion that one of the reasons is they feel that outside help requires reciprocation and they sort of resent that.
Someone once told me that one of the most charitable things on can do is to let others be charitable to you.
Many girl’s high schools have chesed programs which would gladly be of help to you. When my daughter was in high school she helped out a mother in just your situation.
I understand, completely and have been where, you are. I don’t like to be dependent on others, but you have to realize, that you are not superwoman!! You need the help and a break. Even if it is just for a little bit, just a chance to go outside and get a breath of fresh by yourself, is a must. You are doing yourself and your family a major chesed by just re-charging your batteries, to be a better and more rested mother. People want to help, let them!! Also, taking the newborns to the doctor can be quite a challenge the first few months. The extra pair of hands just for that, is something you need!! Getting in and out of the car, etc. Hatzlochah and Mazal tov on your double brocha!! Enjoy and remember, this too, shall pass.
If it’s any help, I’m not offering to help you.
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