Rocky Zweig is too funny!

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  • #612145
    happysnappy
    Member

    Rocky Zweig is really funny! How does he do it?

    Personally, I do not find many of the people known to be funny, funny. Rocky Z. is a notable exception. What gives?

    (For those not in the know, he writes a weekly letter to the FJJ (Flatbush Jewish Journal))

    #1026059
    Logician
    Participant

    One factor is simply that he describes things pretty honestly. And that, perhaps unfortunately, is often very humorous.

    #1026060
    oomis
    Participant

    I absolutely LOVE his Letters to the Editor and look forward to reading them each week. I think personally that some people have been a little hard on him and he makes a great deal of sense most of the time, but he always seems to bounce back from his critics. Between Rocky Z. and Mordechai Schmutter(sp?), I have the best laughs of the week on Shabbos. I used to be a great Dave Barry fan (still am), but he has nothing on them.

    #1026061
    Ferd
    Participant

    Why can’t Rocky Zweig join the YWN Coffee Room? He would have so much more fun here!

    Anyone agree?

    #1026062
    oomis
    Participant

    How do you know he isn’t ALREADY here? (And if you are, Rocky, please tell us). Write something funny, so we know it’s you. Or write something unfunny, and keep us guessing…

    #1026063
    happysnappy
    Member

    Maybe I’m Rocky. Let me check.

    #1026064

    The book I just put out is a best-seller. (oops, I forgot the name)

    Don’t mob the stores. There’s enough for everyone.

    Maybe I’m the author. Let me check.

    #1026065
    always here
    Participant

    I follow Rocky’s letters almost every week, too (as long as I get a copy of the FJJ).

    hi all! 🙂

    #1026067

    Hi. It’s me, Rocky.

    #1026068
    oomis
    Participant

    Apparently you have MPD, Yashi, Pember, and Rocky. Pick one persona and stick with it. 🙂

    #1026069
    P2TM
    Member

    I happen to know him personally and he’s not all that funny. As a matter of fact I know his sister and she is WAY funnier than he is! (And smarter, to boot!)

    #1026070
    yaakov doe
    Participant

    I find his letters long winded . If he wants his own column in the FJJ let him ask for one, but the long lettters each week are too much. If you can’t say it in 100 words – don’t!

    #1026071

    Okay, how do I prove that I’m me?

    #1026072
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I have an idea! Tell us what you’ll write about in next week’s FJJ.

    #1026073

    By stating you’re not the OP. And that we should believe you.

    #1026074

    Great idea! It’s another laff riot. This time about…wait for it…the Holocaust! It’s a response to two letters from this week’s FJJ, one signed “Hatzlochah!” and one signed “Keeping Hashem in the Picture.” Of course, there’s never a guarantee that everything I write makes it into the paper, but that’s what I’ve submitted.

    -R.

    #1026075

    What’s an OP?

    #1026077
    oomis
    Participant

    OP = Original Poster – sorry, Y&P, but your writing style just ain’t like Rocky’s! Try again…

    #1026078
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Anyone want to post some excerpts for us out of towners?

    #1026079
    happysnappy
    Member

    I am the OP and I am certainly not Rocky! I am not sure how to prove it but believe me on this one.

    But I think “Yashi and Pember” (what??) has given adequate proof if he is or is not the Rock. We will see in a few days if his piece resembles the outline he posted here. If yes yes if no no.

    Dear Rocky (or not)

    What does Yashi and Pember mean?

    #1026080

    Like I wrote, if you want us to believe you, we will. We’re a bunch of <Deleted>s anyways (hey, put it back). Pesi (no – not my name) Yaamin lchol Davar!

    #1026081
    oomis
    Participant

    I love Rocky’s “long-winded” letters and look forward to them. I find it interesting to do it that way as opposed to a column. The Letters to the Editor are the very first thing I turn to. And even ont he rare occasion that I slightly disagree with something he has written, I still think he is intelligent and very, very funny.

    #1026082

    Yashi and Pember were my daughter Feige’s childhood imaginary friends

    PS The title of this week’s letter will be “Sorry, no humor this week, either!” Unless, of course, Mordy decides to change it, which is never outside the realm of possibility.

    #1026083

    Thanks for sticking up for me, Best Bubby! 🙂

    #1026084
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Welcome to the CR. Although someone started this thread (that’s CR speak for “topic”) about your humor, you’ll find that it can be enjoyable to shmoize about serious topics here as well. Enjoy!

    #1026085
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Let’s do a reddit style Rocky Zweig AMA. I’ll start another thread for it.

    #1026086
    oomis
    Participant

    Y&P, if it is really you, then I want a mention in your next letter to the editor (then we will know for certain). 🙂

    #1026087
    happysnappy
    Member

    Rocky, why are you distressing your fans??!! The title of this coming weeks letter will be “Sorry, no humor this week, either!” (assuming you are you). So it’s three weeks in a row getting stuck on some comment and ruining a good shabbos laugh for what?

    Its not worth it! Think about the reward you get for making millions laugh out loud on shabbos. Its pure oneg! Instead you get all wrapped up in vitriol and getting even (Steven).

    Sorry Rocky. Your right there at home when you make it funny. When you spin off, folks get rattled.

    #1026088

    “Let’s do a reddit style Rocky Zweig AMA”?? Does anyone in here speak English?

    PS Sorry Best Bubby, no can do. Do you have any idea how many people ask me to mention them? If I started acquiescing to every request, I wouldn’t have time to write anything else!

    #1026089
    golfer
    Participant

    Dear Mr Yash & Pem, who may or may not be Rocky, but probably is,

    In honor of a special edition of the FJJ, (maybe one of the anniversaries??) you wrote a questionnaire about our distinguished neighborhood and its denizens. I have never laughed so hard in my life. If I was one of the younger posters here, I’d have all kinds of acronyms containing the letter L (for laughter), F (for floor) and others I can’t seem to keep track of, to prove this point. Regrettably, I did not manage to save it for posterity before it was recycled by the great City of NY’s sanitation department. If you really are Rocky, I would be eternally grateful (Not kidding!) if you would post it here. Or persuade your esteemed editors to reprint it in honor of Adar.

    With all due respect to the honorable contributors to the pages of the FJJ, I’m sure you know your letter is the first (and sometimes only) column we look for every week.

    Thanking you in advance,

    A Faithful Fan

    #1026090
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    It means you go on that thread, which i already opened, and answer all our inane questions.

    #1026091
    achosid
    Participant

    Just mention Oomis in the CR, and that will take care of your problems.

    #1026092
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Rocky, don’t mind popa_bar_abba, he’s usually harmless.

    Reddit is apparently a goyish schmoozing website, and AMA stands for “ask me anything”.

    If you have any questions about the CR, you can AMA.

    #1026093
    golfer
    Participant

    How did reddit make its way into the CR???

    And what’s next?

    And does popa post these things just for the lulz?

    #1026094

    Golfer: if you’re referring to last year’s quiz, I’m not sure but o think i have a copy somewhere. Or are you referring to “alphabet soup” from the January 16 issue?

    #1026095
    golfer
    Participant

    Yash & Pem, last year’s quiz.

    Please!

    I can use a laugh!

    #1026096
    golfer
    Participant

    Fellow CR Members!

    We have a real genuine celebrity on board today.

    Mind your spelling and grammar.

    And your manners!

    #1026097
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    Are we really all <Deleted> s?

    #1026098
    oomis
    Participant

    Just mention Oomis in the CR, and that will take care of your problems.”

    OR – just say, “Hi to all my friends in the CR.” V’hamayvin yavin, no?

    #1026099

    Hey, Golfer, you mean you’re actually convinced that I’m me?

    #1026100
    hodulashem
    Participant

    I’m convinced!

    #1026101
    golfer
    Participant

    Last year’s quiz will be the clincher.

    #1026102
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Rocky, the veterans here know that a subtitle under the username can only be placed there by a moderator.

    So we at least know that the mods (moderators) think it’s you.

    #1026103

    Here, for all you doubting Thomases (or Shloimies or Yankies or Berels) is the “Know your FJJ” quiz in its entirety:

    Know Your FJJ!

    As you probably know, the Flatbush Jewish Journal recently celebrated its third anniversary (or is it birthday?). During the past three years we have been able to rely on the FJJ to inform, enlighten and entertain us. These hallowed pages are home to some wonderful columnists, chashuva rabbonim and, of course, the Letters Department.

    As always,

    Rocky

    1. Which of the following is considered the most goyish?

    A. Gefilte Fish

    B. Tuna Fish

    C. Mendy Fisch

    D. Sushi

    2. What electronic device should not be brought to shul under any circumstances?

    A. A toaster

    B. An electric stapler

    C. A cattle prod

    D. A cell phone

    3. Where should the aforementioned device be stored before entering your shul?

    A. In your shoe

    C. In the third car of the choo-choo train in Kids-N-Action

    D. In the specially built cubbies provided by the shul

    4. What was the subject of the Asifa held at Citifield on May 20, 2012?

    A. A fishing net

    B. Annette Funicello

    C. Ah net funn ah violin

    D. The Internet

    5. What was the outcome of the aforementioned Asifa?

    A. The Internet was declared assur

    B. The Internet was declared muttar

    C. The Internet was declared a vast right-wing conspiracy

    D. Nobody knows (not even the people who were there!)

    6. Why is there a shiddach crisis?

    A. The boys are too young

    B. The girls are too old

    C. The girls are too heavy

    D. The boys are too picky

    E. The boys are in the freezer

    F. The girls are in the washing machine

    G. The shadchanim all had lobotomies

    H. The shadchanim all need lobotomies

    I. The parents are unrealistic

    J. The parents are over-protective

    K. The parents are insane

    L. All of the above

    M. None of the above

    N. It depends who you ask

    7. Where is it mandatory for girls to spend a year studying after high school if they want to stand a chance of ever snagging a guy with the right amount of chromosomes?

    A. A convent in Tibet

    B. An ashram in New Delhi

    D. A seminary in Eretz Yisroel

    8. What pictures does the FJJ have a policy not to publish?

    A. Mini-skirts

    B. Minnie Mouse

    C. Minnie Minoso

    D. Women

    9. Why is it assur to go to the circus?

    A. The cotton candy is treif

    B. The ringmaster wears shatnez

    C. Too many goyim

    D. The elephants are depressed

    10. Which of the following is one reason people change shuls in Flatbush?

    A. Too much talking

    B. Not enough talking

    C. Rabbinical halitosis

    D. All of the above

    11. Which of the following Purim costumes is the most goyish?

    A. Elmo

    B. Darth Vader

    C. Pope John Paul II

    D. Santa Claus

    12. Which costumes are okay to wear on Purim?

    A. Mordechai

    B. Esther

    D. All of the above

    13. Which of the following New York icons got dressed up as

    an African-American basketball player on Purim?

    A. Mayor Bloomberg

    B. Willis Reed

    C. Duane Reade

    D. None of the above

    14. Where should you never hang a bag of shaimos?

    A. On a clothesline

    B. On a wall at the Guggenheim

    C. On a towel rack at the mikva

    D. On the side-view mirror of a shaimos truck

    15. Why was Hurricane Sandy sent?

    A. Too much loshon horoh in Flatbush

    B. Too much pritzus in Greenwich Village

    D. All of the above

    16. Why did a lady write in to complain about the woman sitting behind her in shul on Rosh Hashana?

    A. She hit her in the head with a brick

    B. She brought her pet bullfrog, Marvin, to shul with her

    C. She was davening too low

    D. She was davening too loud

    A. The parties are too goyish

    D. The parties promote shtuss and bitul Torah

    18. Why is it a good idea for all men in Flatbush to carry a tape measure at all times?

    A. To measure the distance from your car to the fire hydrant

    B. To measure the brim of the Borsalino that someone lost on 26th and L

    D. To measure how many inches the hem of the skirt is from the knee of a mannequin in a store window

    19. According to a sign recently hung at the entrance to a local supermarket, not returning your shopping cart after unloading your groceries is tantamount*

    to_______________________________:

    A. Talking in shul

    B. Looking at pictures of women

    C. Talking to pictures of women

    D. Stealing

    20. Which of the following is not a columnist in the FJJ, but should be?

    A. Rocky Marciano

    B. Rocky Balboa

    C. Rocky the Flying Squirrel

    D. None of the above.

    Answers to quiz: 1. D 2.D 3.D 4.D 5.D 6.N 7.D 8.D 9.D 10.D 11.D 12.D 13.D 14.D 15.D 16.D 17.D 18.D 19.D 20.D

    Key to how smart you are:

    All answers right: Brilliant!

    Some answers right: Average

    No answers right: Please contact Dr. Philip Wengleheim at 555-732-0400 to schedule your first therapy session.

    PS Note to Rabbi David Zaback. Two things:

    Kol Tuv,

    RZ

    #1026104
    golfer
    Participant

    I believe there is a rule here in the CR about not using all caps. But I’m hoping the mods let this through. Because if there was ever an occasion for all caps, this is it!

    THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU !!!!

    And YES, I believe you’re you!

    And YES, I’m still laughing!

    #1026105

    Boy,the hoops I have to jump through just to prove I’m me!

    #1026106

    Daas Yochid…In the interest of full disclosure: the moderator had nothing to do with it. I went over his head to the editorial board…

    #1026107
    oomis
    Participant

    All the answers are C.

    #1026108
    oomis
    Participant

    I really hope it IS you, because I never had the guts to write to the FJJ to comment on a Rocky letter. At least here, (assuming you are you and not a crass impersonator), I get to tell you thanks for making me repeatedly laugh out loud on Shabbos, and having everyone around me think I have apparently lost my mind!

    #1026109

    Thank you for your kind words, bubby. All you guys are really making me feel pressured to be funny again!

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