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As long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with concentration. In school, this manifested as an inability to focus in class, which led to disruptions, relationship issues, and frequent difficulties with teachers. Although I was never formally diagnosed, I would likely be described today as someone with ADHD/ADD.
My struggles intensified when I went to yeshiva. I found it difficult to keep up with my peers. I never really understood a single shiur or shmooze, and I struggled when learning with chavrusas—due to my poor concentration. Those years were challenging, and I suffered a lot during that time.Fast forward 15 years, and I’m now a father of five, working a full-time job. I feel, however, that my concentration issues (let’s call it ADD) are significantly holding me back from reaching my potential. In meetings, I often don’t follow the conversation and struggle to “halt kop”. I find it hard to complete tasks, and I frequently forget things—like items on my wife’s shopping list. Simple everyday tasks, like making a dentist appointment, feel overwhelming.
I have ideas for businesses that I’d love to pursue, but I can’t even make the first phone call to get them started. From the outside, I might seem like a relatively normal and successful person, but inside, I’m struggling to get even the most basic tasks done. I feel like I should be accomplishing so much more, but something in my head—my concentration—keeps holding me back. I have so many ideas and ambitions, but I can’t turn them into reality.
I look around at successful people in all areas of life—business, community—and I can’t help but wonder how they manage to achieve so much? How do they do it? A friend of mine runs a successful business, and I often think, “How does he do it?” I struggle to remember what cereals my children want, let alone run a business. I can’t imagine myself, with my current state of mind, to be successful at anything, let alone run a business. Are these people perhaps on Ritalin? Does medication like Ritalin play a role in their success?
Considering the above, I’ve been wondering whether I should consider going on Ritalin or something similar (obviously after consulting with a doctor), as I believe it could be exactly what I need to regain the concentration necessary to accomplish my goals. I truly believe that I could be very successful—both academically and in my career—if not for my concentration limitations. I suspect that once I’m on medication, I could achieve the success I’ve always hoped for.
My question to all of you is as follows: Considering everything I’ve shared, am I foolish for not pursuing medication to help me? Or, since I’ve managed (more or less) without medication so far, should I avoid starting a medication that might be addictive or carry other risks? Does the potential benefit of Ritalin outweigh the risks? Lastly, how widespread is the use of ADD medication within the frum adult Jewish community?
That said, does anyone perhaps have a different approach or suggestion that could help address my concentration challenges?
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Why do you really care what a bunch of random strangers think?
I started taking as an adult tremendous help lear much better able to help at home much better use time more wisely big thumbs up…
but be aware of side effects could make you upset, heart problems chalilah, loss of apetite (if that bothers you for me its a plus)
This is a very interesting and important subject. Thank you for bringing it up.
I second your questions!My suggestion would be to see what you can do without medications. You seem to be quite self-aware and this is a very good start that most people can’t master. Here are some ideas:
1) review what you get involved in. There are many, many people who are very good at following up with schedule but do not ever think about why they are doing it and whether something else should be done. You are not one of them. Try to see more creative activities that are more suited for you. They could be within your line of business, just a little off the standard approach. Find a practical way to proceed. Maybe dedicate one day a week to such activities.
2) find a partner, whether at work or at home, with you doing tasks you like and the partner complimenting, following up with tasks you drop behind … if yo are good at your part, this will work
3) three is a simple planning method that I found useful – divide a page in 4 quadrants: top – urgent, bottom – not; left – important, right – not. Put all your tasks in each quadrant. Then always start your day with top-left: important/urgent; then move to important/non-urgent (this could be strategic planning). If you have time left go to urgent/non-important or delegate; try to avoid bottom-right. “I find it useful” does not mean I perfectly follow this, but at least you know what to focus on and where to apply procrastination
4) read more on non-medical approaches to ADD; Jewish psychologists like R Twersky in general about how to deal with psychological issues.
Medication is never a solution to long term problems
Please read the warnings on ritalin’s label and mind those warnings and stay away.
Find natural ways to help yourself to live better, explore quality food, clean water, essential oils or homeopathy, yoga, develop friendships that share your interestsDear Yingerman613,
First, I wish you refuah sheleimah.
Second, you must ask your question to DOCTORS,
not random anonymous people in the YWN Coffee Room.Start by speaking to your Primary Doctor.
After that, your next step is to speak to a medical specialist
who your Primary Doctor. refers you to.I hope that helps you, and I wish you a good Shabbos.
Sincerely,
SQUARE_ROOTIm impressed you were able to write out this whole long post (if it was me I wouldn’t be able to)
I have the same problem and BH my job fits perfectly with my ADD
Personally I would think the problems outweigh the benefits
When I was younger, my parents refused to let me take Ritalin. As a result, I struggled in every area of my life—school, yeshiva, work, and relationships. Later, as an adult, I made the decision to see a psychologist who prescribed Ritalin. Since then, my life has been transformed. I’ve built a successful business and earned significant financial success, and I believe that pursuing this avenue of hishtadlus (effort) may have been what Hashem wanted me to do.
My advice is this: don’t neglect taking care of yourself by avoiding necessary medicine if it can help you. However, always remember that it’s just hishtadlus—ultimately, everything is in Hashem’s hands.
yingerman — seek a qualified expert and get a professional evaluation. As for Always_Ask’s advice to “see” what you can do without medications, it takes professional knowledge to get the most of that strategy. Further on Always_Ask, I understand ADD/ADHD to be neurological issue and not a psychological one.
If you need it and have done the relevant medical and psychological exams proving such, then obviously yes. This is kind of a no-brainer.
Having been involved in this field for many years, my opinion is that both extremes of “always take Ritalin” or “never take Ritalin” are doing an injustice to the many people in your situation (both young and old). For the right patient, medications like Ritalin can do wonders and be truly life-changing, but for others that were never properly diagnosed and should not be on the medication, it would be a real disservice to recommend it. The most important thing is to properly identify what is truly causing the difficulties in concentrating, focusing, and executive function that you so aptly describe in your post.
Please note that there are many things can present EXACTLY like an attention disorder, but Ritalin (and other medications like it) will not help whatsoever because the issues are not truly stemming from a problem with selective task focus and attention. For example, someone who is suffering from unprocessed trauma very often “spaces out” and has trouble focusing / paying attention. However, the behavior in such a case is not stemming from an inherent attention disorder at all, but rather from the many “flashbacks” and background processing that such people frequently experience at random times throughout the day. Think of it like an overwhelmed computer that is trying to multi-task but doesn’t have enough processor power or memory to handle everything it’s trying to do; it presents EXACTLY like a very slow, old, poorly functioning computer – yet it may be a modern, well-functioning computer whose processor is simply doing so much in the background that there is very little “attention” left for any new tasks you try to accomplish with it. The brains of people with unprocessed trauma can be very similar; they are so busy thinking about – and trying to process – their trauma in the background that they seem to “space out” and have poor attention in the moment. Ritalin would not bring any benefit to such a person whatsoever, since the issue is not inherently with their ability to focus or pay attention at all.
I’ve also met children (and some adults) that have poor concrete reasoning skills but exceptional abstract reasoning, creativity and imagination. Since everyone likes to “play to their strengths” and avoid their weaknesses, such people – particularly when facing challenging tasks that are difficult for them – often get lost in their rich, imaginative thought processes and seem to be “spacing out” rather than dealing with the task at hand. Ritalin wouldn’t help this kind of person either, since it is a habitual response to challenging tasks that they’ve developed over the years rather than an actual deficit in attention.
However, there are many people who truly have one of the attention disorders that fit the category for which Ritalin (or similar medications) has been shown to help, based upon solid empirical evidence and valid research studies.
All three patients described above would present with EXACTLY the same symptoms and challenges that you describe, but only one of them should be prescribed Ritalin or similar medications. What’s key is to determine whether you are in the target group for which these medications were developed or not.
Note that I’ve never posted on this forum before, so I am unfamiliar with the rules and am just trying to help. However, if it is permitted for me to share my direct contact info, then I’d be happy to try to help if you reach out to me at: [email protected]
We can remotely administer an online psychological assessment that can precisely identify issues with Cognitive Abilities or Selective Task Focus / Attention, as well as assessing other issues that can affect a child or adult’s performance at school or work. Identifying a person’s specific strengths and weaknesses is always the first step in knowing how to improve and being able to move forward. However, whether or not you use our assessment or another, I very strongly advise you to investigate what is causing the challenges you describe before jumping to one conclusion or another regarding what the actual issue is and what medication – if any – would help the most.
I know it’s difficult, but I’d like to wish you tremendous hatzlocha in overcoming these challenges and maximizing your true potential BE”H!
I’ll add just one more point to my post above. As someone else has already alluded to (and I’d like to further emphasize), a good task management system can often be very helpful to those dealing with the challenges you’ve described. Task management is a very personal activity, and each person must find the system that fits their own needs and manner of thinking best. Some people have an easier time with paper-and-pencil, non-digital tools like a good planner, but most in today’s generation find good digital task management programs best (and they’re much easier to keep updated!).
You need to select both a TOOL and a SYSTEM regarding how to utilize that tool efficiently. For example, good digital tools include Todoist, Teamwork.com, Monday or ClickUp. Good SYSTEMS to implement using such tools include MYN (Manage Your Now) by Michael Linenberger, the 4 quadrants by Frankln Covey, and GTD (Getting Things Done) by David Allen. Many people just jump into a new tool without any system and wonder why it doesn’t help. People with challenges of attention and executive functioning, as you clearly described, need a clear system of rules much more than most people.
Please don’t misunderstand; I still believe that the most important thing to do is to get tested with a valid assessment to identify exactly what is causing these challenges. In fact, it is very common for a person to need to be tested and then retested when medication is prescribed, in order to correctly identity both the problem, as well as the ideal medication dosage for that specific person. I simply want to add that I have seen a good task management tool paired with a good task management system (both of which selected to fit the specific needs of your individual thought processes) make a huge impact in enabling people who struggle with executive functioning issues to better manager their lives. You can try a few of these while getting properly diagnosed, since there are no side effects and no prescription is required. Only you can know which tool and which system fits your brain best.
For the right patient who has been correctly diagnosed with an attention disorder, the right medication at the right dose, in conjunction with some good task management tools and systems, with a healthy amount of sincere davening included (not necessarily in that order!) can truly be life-changing and empowering.
I want you to have hope that things can significantly change for the better BE”H. Hang in there!
To clarify,
I am not saying that there are no people who need medication. I observed a number of children who were told by their Jewish schools to not bring kids to schools unless they are given medication; and a rav who sent his kids to same schools (his kids did not have problems) told me that ALL kids behaved in a couple of classes that were taught by great teachers. This leads to a conjecture that there is a lot that parents, teachers, and people themselves can do. This is not to brush off medical professionals, but if something can be treated non-medically, there is a good reason to approach it with Jewish point of view, whether using knowledgeable T’Ch or their seforim. The advantage of seforim is that you get access to best advise available globally, after that you can use the local people to help you. I addressed this poster specifically as he showed a good level of understanding himself.Also, note R Moshe’s psak allowing psychiatrist drugs but to be more careful of psychological help from non-Jewish POV.
Mind altering medications should only be for adults.
Children are too young to consent and should not be expected to be able to effectively describe their experience with it.
I’m following this conversation with great interest, as I currently have a child that is struggling severely.
We’ve been to three doctors and are still trying to figure out if he has ADHD or does he have emotional issues that are keeping him back from functioning properly.
@tryingtohelp, are you a licensed psychiatrist?
[email protected] Is this an email address?
If possible, I would like to contact you directly to hear some input with my child’s situation.Thanks!
I work with a team of mental health professionals (mostly licensed psychologists, but there is a range within the group) that focuses primarily on assessment / diagnosis rather than treatment. We have access to a unique online assessment that can be administered remotely over the Internet to measure 14 different areas of ability, including Cognitive Abilities, Selective Task Focus / Distractability, Social Skills and Stress Tolerance. As I mentioned earlier in this thread, identifying the exact issue is always the most important step towards finding a solution.
Please feel free to contact me directly via the email address provided above: [email protected]
While not every tool is ideal for every situation, I’d be happy to help – if I can – or at least to direct you further if needed.Meanwhile, wishing you & everyone on this thread a Frielichun Chanukah.
TryingToHelp, if you are trying to help, maybe you can create a website with online assessment so that people could administer this test “remotely over the internet”?
@Always_Ask_Questions – We already have a seamless system to assess people over the Internet. However, since we’ve been getting more and more requests such as yours to make this more widely available, we are currently working on a new automated website that will allow anyone to simply select an assessment package, book a remote testing session, enter payment, and get an online link automatically sent to you without any manual intervention at all. We are also adding a simpler “screening” option for those who need to be tested but can’t afford a full professional assessment. Whoever thinks this this new website might benefit them or someone they know is welcome to send an email at [email protected] with their full name and number; we’ll send out notifications when the new website is released, which will most likely be within the next few weeks BE”H.
I just want to add that your suggestion about expanding this remote assessment service is more timely than you may realize. Like everyone else, it’s been incredibly painful for us to watch what’s been happening to our brothers and sisters in Eretz Yisroel since this war began. So many people have been traumatized by this war (directly or indirectly), including the many children whose fathers have been away in the reserves for months at a time. Many families have been displaced for months, which is incredibly disruptive to those children as well. We have been contacted by several organizations in Eretz Yisroel that work with these suffering families (including Shuvu, which has a network of schools for children from fragile families and disadvantaged backgrounds that have been particularly impacted by the trauma of this war, as well as other organizations that work with traumatized adults). These organizations requested access to the remote assessment system in order to help determine how best to help those families put their lives back together. Unfortunately, while the assessment is already in several languages, it would need to be adapted to Hebrew and we would need to also bring in professionals to help guide those organizations on implementing the results in the most effective way possible. None of these organizations have the funding required to do that, so some kind Yidden are trying to raise the funds to help make this happen. While I am not involved in that fundraising project, if anyone here wants to assist them, I can put you directly in touch with those groups. I believe that the Israeli Shuvu office has also setup a special website for this specific project as well, since it’s so important.
Let’s hope that all Yiddishe suffering will soon come to an end and no one will ever need help recovering from war and trauma again BE”H!!
1. Being evaluated is often not as simple as portrayed above, and results can be inconclusive. As in every field, avoid the vast majority of mediocre practitioners and consult the experts.
2. You are an adult, and can responsibly decide about possible side effects. and even more, can accurately assess how you are being affected.
3. Possible side effects, yes, but serious concerns for being on for 2 weeks? Nope.
So – with symptoms that sound very possibly like ADHD, and with a responsible PCP agreeing, what do you lose by trying?
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