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Please, please, please, be respectful when someone is saying Kaddish.
We had company this Shabbos. He was bragging about his behavior in shul last Friday night. During Kaddish, he was talking in the back with some friends. A man came over and asked them to be quiet during Kaddish and mentioned “Would you want people to talk when your time comes?”
Three of the four answered “We’ve already said kaddish” and the other said “I don’t talk to my father” (AKA they are estranged).
So 3 of them had already been through this ordeal and had no respect for what Kaddish means. I can understand someone who has no clue (meaning, they don’t understand what a big deal), but those who have been through it????
I know ideally we should be quiet and respectful during all of tefila, but please, please, please…make an extra effort during Kaddish. It means so much to the neshamos.
SJSinNYC
You are 100% right, but talking doesnt affect the neshamos, it can only distract others listening to Kaddish to answer and its actually a very improper thing to do. People do not appreciate the value of Davening in general. Kaddish suffers along with Chazaras Hashatz and leining.
Im always bothered when I see people who look like they had a proper yeshivah education, some even are in Kollel or look like learned people and they will talk during Chazaras Hashatz or Kaddish. However my opinion is it is a general feeling of disconnection from Tefillah.
I have a theory and I hope Im wrong but to me it seems that most people dont believe Hashem is listening to their prayers or they dont believe that their prayers even mean anything or have the power to accomplish great things and therefore why bother Davening with Kavana or caring about Davening too much or the fact that one can be disturbing anothers Davening.
The focus of Kaddish has to be sanctifying G-d’s name in THIS WORLD. This form of sanctification requires 10 men. Most other forms of sanctification do not require the presence of 10 men. Other forms include keeping Mitzvos one is obligated to do, doing acts of kindness and any behavior that enhances the image of those who keep Torah and Mitzvos.
When children sanctify G-d in this world, the parents’ souls gain benefit.
Kaddish is not a prayer for the dead, nor a tool of manipulation of other world.
“He was bragging about his behavior in shul last Friday night.”
Either he is completely ignorant about the meaning of Kaddish or an apostate.
SJS, with regard to “respect,” it’s not just talking. When I have yahrzeit, I often go to a certain minyan on 13th Avenue. What really upsets me is when I am in the middle of Kaddish and someone interrupts me to ask for a money. (N.B. I did not say “tzedaka” but rather “money.”)
It is the BRAGGING part that is most shocking.
The responsibility for respect and quiet during davening also falls heavily on the shul leadership. Long MiShebairachs will lead to schmoozing that will carry on after the MiShebairach ends. Our shul has eliminated them and replaced them with pledge cards. Decorum has improved. If the overall Shabbos service approaches 3 hours, the temptation to talk during the repetition of Mussaf becomes overwhelming.
My rov told us in no uncertain terms that to speak while someone is sanctifying Hashem’s name b’rabbim by saying kaddish, brings mamesh a klala on him. I once told this over on this forum, that there is a rock somewhere in E”Y, I cannot remember where he told me it was, that my Rov said states that one who speaks during Kaddish brings a curse upon himself and loses his chelek in Olam Haba. I don’t know if it is true or not that this is the onesh, but it speaks to the severity of talking during kaddish.
It never ceases to amaze me how disrespectful some people during a service. I often wonder why they even bother to come. If it is good conversation that they want, go to a bar or a restaurant. If they want to visit with their friends then they should come (Saturday) in time for Adon Olam – then they can socialize during kiddush. Although I make a little joke of this – it actually bothers me as well when people come to shul on Saturday just in time to eat – my shul is renowned for its catering, but ……
As an avel, to hear someone disrespect the kaddish would be a slap in the face. Not only to the men who are davening but to all who are listening and thinking of their loved ones they have lost especially if their are still in pain from the loss. Each “amen” to the kaddish gives the neshoma and aliyah. Each amen counts. And each Kaddish is in fact the only open “last respect” one gives to a nifter/nifteres. So to take that lightly is really uncouth.
When I hear someone say kaddish, I stand up and face towards that person. It is such a small thing to do, I cannot understand how ANYONE could disrespect the aveilim and the niftarim by talking at that time.
I cannot understand how ANYONE could disrespect the aveilim and the niftarim by talking at that time. & worse:- How can anyone dare walk in front of someone reciting Kaddish? an outright Issur!!
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