YOU can Resolve the Shidduch Crisis

AZ, contrary to cholentkugelkishka’s assertion I was in no way trying to embarrass you. I am blown away with your dogged determination to fight for what you feel is right. While I will never agree with your viewpoint or reccomendations, you are putting up a good fight nonetheless. You deserve a giant cup of decaf coffee, so you can chill out and try to see other people’s viewpoint.

A viewpoint that is aligned with what 70 Roshei Yeshiva would like to see happen. Why would I drop the ball based on some anonymous bloggers. The day the roshei yeshiva recommend stopping the push to close the age gap -is the day I will.

I’m 100% serious.

AZ, it’s people like you who give much needed Chizuk to the thousands of 23+ year old single girls, who many Shadchanim have already put on the back shelf for storage. You give the Shadchanim the extra push to try again. Often just one/few more try/tries does it. Their future Doros thank you.

aaryd; that was before the age gap……….. 🙂

marry in haste, repent at leisure.

aaryd621: Seems like you know better that a lot of very chosheve people (perhaps the roshei yeshiva just all forgot that gemara). hmm

For the record (not that your comment even deserves a response)

It also says who will be rich who will be poor

Close down all tzedaka organizations – hashem takes of everything there are no needy

it also says who will be a talmid chachom and who will not

close down all educational instittuations – hashem takes care of everything

it also says when a person will die

close down hatzala and all medical services – hashem takes care of everything

Frankly the response when someone else is in a difficult situation should be what can I do to help. NOT why bother helping – hashem takes care of everything.

I Wonder after 120 when we are asked why we didn’t do anything-how’s this for an answer

ME?? G-D you take care of everything, I was waiting for you to solve the problem.

As the Chief Rabbi of England Zatzal said “The question is not where was G-D – The question is where were WE

Pray as if everything depended on Hashem; act as if everything depended on you.

AZ-

In response to your reply to my post on the previous page-

Numbers are numbers and are facts, not opinions. (It is the way they are represented that is an opinion.) I always agreed with you on that.

What I always disagreed with you on (and still do) is the approach to solving this issue. (I do however respect you for taking ownership of this issue and sympathizing with everyone who is affected.)

In my opinion they best way to approach the problem would be for one competent person to take charge of the whole problem. Under that person would be people who would represent the different groups (the eligible men, the eligible women, the parents, the shadchanim and any other potential groups I may be leaving out). There groups will obviously be very large so they can be further split by region or in some other fashion.

The leaders of each group (or sub-group) should reach out to the members they represent and try to get their understanding of what aspects they feel are causing the gap. They should also ask them to think of ideas, no matter how ridiculous they may sound, to close the gap. Each leader should take all ideas and thoughts and discuss them with other leaders before submitting them to the person on top of them who will in turn submit it to the person in charge.

There are many different causes contributing to this “crisis” and the only way to solve it is to hear from EVERYONE.

cherrybim:

Many of those so called Kol Kories have turned out to be either fabricated, or signed signatures with no verifications.

Use your own judgement and it’s time to move on from this very pressing “Crisis”. Those who are convinced are convinced, and those that aren’t, AZ and 70 signatures won’t help. It’s time to MOVE ON.

artchill, ” It’s time to MOVE ON”?

I’m not sure whether you’re male or female, but inquiry to the other side of the Maechitzas will result in awareness of way too many older single girls, with numbers growing steadily. If you were their mother/father would you want the Klal to MOVE ON?

To cherrybim: the letter was a two page spread in both Yated and Hamodia, I think the yom tov edition. Too many names for most of them not to be legit, IMO. However, read it carefully.

Dr Pepper:

The people involved with the NASI project would love to have talented capable people join their team. They would definatley welcome you input and assistance. At present it consists of a very small handful of unbelievably dedicated people under direct leadership of leading Roshei Yesiva. Your help would be invaluable. Contact them!

Cherrybim:

It is posted on the yw website – september 24th 2009

Jax: “artchill: how would one celebrate this day in history?!”

How about commiting to spending an equal amount of time in the CR and redding Shidduchim?

Jax, I’m proud to say, I spend way more time on Shidduchim, B”H.

Az your point is very foolish. hashem does decide who will be rich or poor, and it says that whoever is poor in this world is rich in the next. hashem placed rich people in the world so that the rich should support the poor. people are poor so that the rich should be able to get schar by helping them. hashem also makes people sick so that they can get a a caparah or to remind them that they need to daven more. we shouldn’t close hatzala because it is halachacly permitted to save a live in life threatening conditions. hashem also decides who will marry who and there is no crisis!!!!

cholentkugelkishke – The matches are there. The couples need to meet and marry; that is, if they are indeed interested in marriage and not just going through the motions.

aaryd621: Please realize these are not MY points, just points that I have spent time bringing to the CR attention. 70 R”Y seem to feel they are valid and legit, and frankly they are self evident.

Without going around in circles I’m curios whether you think the points are “foolish” from a haskafic standpoint, or because you don’t believe that the there are far more girls in the dating pool?

cherrybim: they boys are meeting (girls), and marrying (girls), and yet many many girls remain single. Far more than the boys. Please explain that phenomena…

unmarried boys don’t stand out as much as unmarried girls. Also, the boys will more easily pick upi and move to an out of town community where they are off the radar screen. Once they leave yeashiva they are no longer considered a “good” boy so they are summarily dismissed by the girls. For every “good” girl that comes back from seminary (aren’t they all “good”) there is not one good boy per girl. By the time the girl is willing to lower her standards, the guy is already taken by a girl who was more realistic in the first place, so the “good” girls can’t find anyone to what they want

cherrybim:

Trust me the poeple who are spending their time on the issue have looked at the mortality rates and other sociological factor. What is clearly the number one issue is population gorwth x age gap. Do you deny that or are you simply unaware?

rescue37:

Who are all the “not” good boys marrying?? Because almost all the boys seem to be married..

cherry bim:

The issue you raised determines which girls – NOT how many. Same for the issue rescue raised.. (besides the obvious point that there are no hard data to even determine if your points are true at all).

One famous myth is that girls from lkwd had a difficult time, not so rich etc etc. The school data shows that to be absolutely FALSE. I can’t disclose names of schools or numbers but suffice it to say that their lkwd HS alumni is not any worse off than the brooklyn schools. My point being that convenient theories don’t necessarily make for truth. Besides for the fact that yours and rescue are simply irrelevant.

AZ, you the number man. Do you know what percentage of within age marriages it will take to significantly ameliorate the problem? I have been zoche to participate or otherwise share in various simchos, and they’re not within range (including a 23 y.o. young woman who married a guy 3 full years older). I think this is what’s causing unease among people such as Cherrybim and myself. Will this get better with anything short of MANDATING? And what of other somewhat significant issues? If we address them, such as a radical chanoch l’naar campaign, easing the other “gaps” will that help too?

AZ,

The boys are marrying girls that have a more realistic view of what they want. For simplicity let’s call the good boys (A) the ones that are going to learn 5+ years and the not good boys (B) the ones learning less than that. When a new class of girls start going out 90% of the girls want a type A boy. The problem is that only 75% of the boys are type A. The type B boys now have the pool of 10% of the girls and whatever percentage from older classes that have changed their view and will now settle for a type B. The problem is that there are many sub levels of type B, and the girl may only want type B-1 & B-2 but there may be more B-3 & B-4 boys out there which the girls is not willing to consider yet. Along with this, is the problem that to be a good girl all you have to do is say you want a type A boy and give off a good impression. To be a good boy, you have a laundry list of things that you have to do such as daven with a minyan and learn. Within that, there is how many times a week do you daven with a minyan, where do you daven, do you only wear a hat when you daven, what color shirt do you wear when you daven etc. and the same with learning, and if the guy leaves yeshiva to work because he looks towards the future and realizes it’s better for him to start at a certain point instead of waiting for tuition bills, it makes him a Tyoe C. The girls that realize early on that a type B-10 boy could be good also, usually don’t have a problem. Based on my experience (I married at the late age of 26 and my wife was 26 also) The girls looking for a tyope A usually start lowering their standards when the type B level they are looking for is almost depleted. As they say, the early bird catches the worm.

Cherrybim: Statistics may lie – single girls never getting married never having children don’t.

Tzippi: YES YES YES. Mandating is not necessary. I won’t bore you with the math but if we are successful in having more close in age shidduchim to the tune of average one month closer than last year – the problem for THIS years entering girls will be solved. We will need to continuously close the gap by one month per year (and help each entering year) until we are about average age gap one year.

Eminently doable if we only paid attention. It’s doesn’t mean all marriages have to be close in age, just significantly more than in the past. B”H much has been done but as a community we are a far way from being finished.

EDITED

AZ,

You keep repeating that the boys are (almost) all getting married and that the “shidduch crisis” is only by girls – and effectively there is no shidduch crisis by boys.

But this defies what you can see with your own eyes — as they’re ARE nebech MANY older single (never married) guys.

CKK,

None of the Rabbonim & R”Y’s have publicly called for taking the boys away from learning in E”Y and bringing them home earlier. Please be honest and not claim things in the name of the Rabbonim & R”Y’s that they have not said.