Rechokim or kerovim

here is a good article asking which kiruv should we focus on?

“Kerovim Or Rechokim: Where Should Our Kiruv Priorities Lie?”

By: Rabbi Yitzchak Fingerer

I will never forget an incident that occurred during a weekly shiur several days before Yom Kippur. The lecture introduced our students to the concepts of teshuvah and a philosophic but practical understanding of the restrictions of the holiday. After the shiur I fielded halachic and hashkafic questions about the impending fast.

I was in tears.

That encounter and numerous others led me to reassess my role. Who is to say that the rechokim, those raised in irreligious homes, are more paramount than the kerovim, those brought up in frum homes but, for whatever the reason, are no longer inspired and committed? It is for this reason that Brooklyn Jewish Experience will not turn away kerovim who sincerely seek to learn and grow in a tolerant and non-judgmental environment.

Most often the success of a child developing into a passionate frum adult is directly correlated to coming from an emotionally stable home. Just as plants and trees need sunlight and water to blossom and thrive, there is an optimal environment in which a can develop. Children need love, stability, and structure.

Children need to receive love from both parents to be emotionally healthy. Kiddushin 31 teaches that a child is more inclined to respect his mother because of the love and nurture a mother provides. The very first time the Torah employs the word love is not in a spousal context but rather in a parent-child relationship, between Avraham and Yitzchak, a father and a son. I believe this is to stress the importance of a parent, particularly a father, showering a child with love. A child needs love from both mother and father in order to develop into a psychologically healthy adolescent.

In other words, help comes from parents who prioritize, placing their children first and their own needs second. The Gemara teaches that in addition to symbolizing stability, harim, mountains, also signify eternity, so that horim, parents, denote eternity to a child (Avodah Zarah 17a and commentaries on Tehillim 121). There is a definite correlation between good parenting and the preservation of mesorah in children. When parents are derelict and fail to properly provide stability, consistency, and love, the child often loses interest in perpetuating the eternal chain of tradition.

Many of the young women we work with gave up tznius. What happened? Several of them were disparaged by their principals after inquiring why it was necessary to conform to a certain standard of tznius. Other young ladies were turned off after they later discovered that what purportedly was absolute halacha was merely a chumrah created or adopted by the school. Children are absolutely repelled by what they view as disingenuous behavior.

The Tur explains why none of the women in the midbar sinned with the Golden Calf. It is because the women felt so empowered and elevated that Hashem addressed them first at Har Sinai (and only later the men). They could not reduce themselves to sin. We need to uplift our children and impart to them the message that as children of the Avos they are here to impact the world.

While the Brooklyn Jewish Experience continues to focus on igniting and kindling the spark that may have never been ignited, we recognize that the spark that is teetering or, even worse, has already extinguished, is just as important, if not more important.

“Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer is rav of the Brooklyn Jewish Experience, a popular lecturer, and may be contacted at [email protected]. The Brooklyn Jewish Experience website is http://www.thinkandcare.org.”

Jewishpress.com