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There have been some posts recently that may have misrepresented Rav Avigdor Miller zatsal which is unfortunate as he was a big Tzaddik. I came across a Sefer of his this Shabbos and I would like to quote some other things he said (and hopefully restore his good name):
THE TENTH COMMANDMENT OF MARRIAGE IS: DON’T BE A TYRANT.
THIS IS SO FREQUENTLY DISOBEYED, it’s not the major cause of tragedies in the home, but IS A FREQUENT CAUSE. Sometimes, among Frum people, they learned a little bit Gemara, so they learned ?? ????? ??? ??? ???? (????? ??? – the money that a woman acquires belongs to her husband. Therefore, whatever money she gets, let’s say, when she earns money from her little job, he appropriates it for himself.
THAT’S SOMETHING THAT SHOULDN’T BE MEASURED BY THE HALACHA, YOU HAVE TO USE COMMON SENSE. IF A WOMAN WORKS, YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER LEEWAY WITH THAT MONEY.
Here’s a man who didn’t trust his wife’s shopping ability, for year and years, he never allowed her to go to the grocery store or the butcher shop. He did the shopping himself. Among all of her friends, she was the only woman who was not allowed to shop. NOW, THAT’S A TYRANT. Who cares if his wife would lose a few dollars a week? IMAGINE IT’S AN EXPENDITURE TOWARDS HAPPINESS.
IN MANY WAYS, MEN ARE TYRANTS. As I mentioned before, he demands services as if she was his private slave. Many things even Frum people transgress. THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE ARROGANT. A WIFE SHOULD RESPECT HER HUSBAND, BUT TH ARROGANCE OF MANY HUSBANDS IS REALLY INTOLERABLE….But the chet (sin) on the part of the husband is unforgivable. HE DIDN’T MARRY TO MAKE HER A SLAVE.
…. OF COURSE IT’S MORE FREQUENT THAT THE HUSBAND IS A TYRANT. Sometimes, the wife is bossy in details, but this business of tyranninizing one over the other that’ one of the “Ten Commandments” that must be avoided.
Marriage is not a full partnership, the husband is the captain and the wife is the first mate. BUT A CAPTAIN THAT’S GOING TO TRAMPLE ON THE FIRST MATE IS ASKING FOR MUTINY. Therefore, among the great principles which are required of a married couple, they have to realize that each one has rights and never to forget that after all, you are partners that make one entity. It could be, you walk first, and walks after you, but you’re together one personality. And a body cannot be divided against itself, that you’re arrogant over a part of yourself.
I don’t see the point of your third post, unless you had a Hava Amina he was an unreasonable fanatic, which you you probably didn’t as he is considered Adam Gadol.
Also I’m curious what quotes do you believe were taken out of context. I’ll understand if you prefer not to bring this up here though.
May you marry someone in good time who is good to you always and avoids this type of negative behavior.
I wonder how one can prevent this marrying a man who behaves in this manner once married. Sometimes there are red flags. At the same time, some people marry quickly, and this type of behavior may become progressively more dominating in time.
It’s important for there to be consequences to such actions. Technically this is called financial abuse, and is a legitimate problem in a relationship, G-d forbid.
Thank you for sharing LU.
I agree marriage is like entering an institution
as he was a big Tzaddik What an understatement:- Rav Avigdor Miller ZTKLLH’H was The Godol haDor.
Lilmod, I would add that one must specify what type of movies. Disney, Westerns,
SciFi, classics (the original version of “Twelve Angry Men” does not have one woman – IMHO it is also a very interesting character study of people from different walks of life and how they interact when confined together)?
147: Gadol = Big or Great
HaDor = Of the generation
Tzaddik = Rare privileged title reserved for a pretty big deal Torah scholar, leader, and righteous person and the world stands on only 36 of them
So yea… Maybe I am taking your post the wrong way, but imho LU gave reverence and respect to Rav Avigdor Miller ZTKLLH’H
Furthermore, if you still believe that this title is an understatement, then given his nature, wouldn’t Rav Avigdor Miller ZTKLLH’H prefer and appreciate the humility?
“as he was a big Tzaddik What an understatement:- Rav Avigdor Miller ZTKLLH’H was The Godol haDor.”
Oh really? According to whom? Is there some objective criteria to determine who exactly is the gadol hador, that this meets?
I went to a very chareidi school and my principal had a bookshelf filled with Rav Avigdor Miller’s books, but I never heard anyone reference him as the gadol hador, ever. He was a big talmid chochom, he had a lot of influence and inspired many people, but I don’t know anyone who considers him to have been the gadol hador of his generation – and I’m talking about yeshivish people who greatly admire and respect his work.
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