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kapusta: if you have to threaten to, you definitely should carry through.
anonymisss: that’s great! 🙂
kapusta: all i can think of is what i would say. “yes. you’re driving me crazy! why don’t you believe me?” just like that. (don’t be nice & put a smiley there or anything or she’ll think you’re just teasing.
AOB, I’m laughing now, but I might!
but its so not like me not to put a smiley after, which means she might get the point (who am I kidding, will she ever???) but I would feel terrible.
oops, i forgot the )
kapusta: you should! wait, why are you laughing? that was funny?
AOB, yes and no, more like sad when I have a question that continues for so long on here. :/
she doesnt text to much lately, she got a new phone or something (apparently one that she doesnt like too much) she’ll ignore me tonight and then just ask me tomorrow, along with a grilling about why I dont want to, and how important it is to discuss my “issues”. This is NOT a conversation I would like to have in person, texting it is hard enough…
kapusta: really? i don’t even think it’s that mean. friends get frustrated with each other all the time. it doesn’t mean they’re not friends anymore or anything (& i don’t think they think that’s the case), just that, well, they’re driving each other crazy at the moment. but you gotta get the message across or you’ll just be avoiding her forever.
AOB, you have a point, like they say its not a real friendship before a argument, but I still feel rotten saying something like that to someone outright. Maybe I’m just being overly sensitive here.
noitallmr: wow 3 phones! that’s funny! all the best to you to! stick around man!
kapusta: unless you think she’s overly sensitive, in which case i’d say you should be too, yes, i think you are being a bit too nice.
kapusta, can you answer something like “I don’t mean to play hard to get, i’m just trying to avoid a situation that’s not pleasant for me.” will she get it without being overly insulted?
~a~
AOB, she trys very hard to give off an impression of being able to solve all the worlds problems, I think underneath shes more mush.
anonymisss, I wouldn’t simply because thats her sort of answer, and I DONT want to be classified (even in my mind) like that. I’m wondering if I should answer something like “and if I am…maybe I have a reason” or something along those lines…
big problem, i think i’m starting to understand. she sounds like a narcissistic egotist with a low self-image as well as using a projectionist mechanism of defense. This case is quite complex. 😉
~a~
anonymisss, LOL (I think I smell a nomination, ask 72, hes got a good nose. 😉 )
she doesn’t have a low self-image which is precisely the problem.
we’re texting…hold on tight kids…
lol, she detects detachment… wants to know if she did anything… mod, come back! <insert longing face>
still texting… wow, this is awkward, I’m being really cold and impersonal. Shes doing it again, said somethings wrong and she wants to call, I’m trying to talk her out of it, I WISH a mod would come on…
hehe, someone else just text me, multiple personalities here… this is gonna be cute! 🙂
I asked her what she would like to “talk” about. She said butterflies? whatever. Just go out. chill zach a bissel (lighten up) I’m laughing so hard, this isn’t easy…
kapusta: wow seems borderline stalker this girl! can’t you just ignore her textes & calls! your a very very busy person! 🙂
hey kapusta, if she thinks something’s wrong, maybe ask her what she thinks could be wrong.
~a~
kapusta, this sounds a little out of hand. i would go crazy if i were you. i don’t know how you put up with this stupidity.
Which mod is on now? Thanks!
~a~
Jax, I’ll have to do it at some point, no time like the present even though I DONT want to…
anonymisss, we’re having a very interesting conversation, I said remember our little talk <whenever>? Duh. Problem is I remember it too, too many times… her responses are getting slower and slower until… (as I’m typing this…) “k, kapusta. I get it. My motives are just to hang and spend time together…Now chill and get back to yourself…”
moish, it WAS out of hand, thats why I had to do something, bbut the whole time I was cracking up, I didnt reply yet, I’m still trying to decide if I should revert back to “regular” kapusta personality.
kapusta: huh? your posts are getting confusing again.
yeah, moish. I don’t quite get it either.
kapusta, do you trust her? can you?
~a~
she calls you kapusta, too?? i always thought you were Shira or something 😉
I need a banner for this…a nice big one with my name plastered all over, and then a nice big tub of chocolate chip cookie dough. I wrote back “and no more shmoozes about me…” and she never wrote back, I think she went to sleep. (I was expecting that a little.)
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!! Three cheers for Queen Kapusta and three scoops of ice cream (picture, moish?)
~a~
AOB, I did, I’m joking around again.
anonymisss, at this point probably, like I said I dont think she meant anything bad, just didnt realize how far she was going…
moish, definitely not a shira, lol!
anonymisss, why only 3? 😉
kapusta: harray now you can live in peace for a bid while she sleeps!
Shes not writing back, (I just made sure shes ok with me because I was really nasty today.)
hey, all forgiven! We gotta celebrate with a siyum of (how many?) pages on this thread.
and one the one I forgot before…
lol, she just said something that was asking for a crack on exactly what she was driving me crazy about… this is HARD!!!
ok so i have been following the whole kapusta and her friend issue-but for some reason i cant find the first post of it….what happened in the beginning that you got into this fight??
ok, kapusta, ten! No, forget it, 1,000!!! 😉 you da best!
~a~
Jax, nah, we’re shmoozing now… nothing deep, just good old rain and my sig… (on my phone, not my kapusta)
kapusta: Sounds like she was starting to get it but then you started getting too passive so she felt that you might actually want her to be doing it (Do you?) and now shes bugging you again. You should have been aggresive and said “yes im playing hard to get and if I want to talk to you Ill come to you first, but Im really annoyed with you constantly harassing me and diagnosing me with diffrent psychological disorders (or whatever they are) and can you please stop it”
Its strong and forceful but i doubt she would get insulted (people can take a lot more than you realize) and if she does it would be for a short period of time and then (hopefully) she will realize that she needs to back off a bit
Obviously its too late to say that now, but you are being way too nice (Yes WAY!!) you need to be aggresive and let her know how you feel and if she cant take then its her bad, she is annoying you and you have every right to tell her how you feel (in fact isnt honesty the best policy? What kind of fake freindship is it if you make believe you want her to be constantly diagnosing you?) You need to let her know how you feel, tell her straight out, and if she starts again, say it again, if she continues then walk away. The sooner you do it the better.
I think you know that it will take something like this to get her to stop it, but most people dont have the guts to do it. It sounds like she has been bothering you for quite a while and at this point if you dont do something like this I believe it is more out of cowardice than trying to be nice.
MODS: I know this is a very forceful post and is mainly an opinion but i thought quite a while about what to write. Please post it or edit it if you really feel that part of it was out of line. Thanks.
kapusta-so how was it today?
aussie, I know I was being soft, but it so much a part of my nature to be nice that when I try to be mean (or forceful) I agonize over it for such a long time and it really bothers me. In fact, if you read my posts from yesterday, (I think,) I said that I said something to her and I was extremely forceful (almost yelling, I dont yell and especially not in public, home is another story. 😉 ) The first thing I did after we “made up” was ask her mechila and apologize. It bothered me so much and I think that was a factor in my making up with her because I had to apologize to her. I think she got the idea, after she discovered I was mad at her, my conversation was like “you remember our talk from…?” “yea” “that. AND, any deep stuff about me.” I think she got the idea. I hope she did, anyway. I appreciate the time and effort you took to write that post.
Update: I didnt have too much to do with her, she was busy the entire day, but I felt a lot better about myself. 🙂
good job, kapusta! I’m happy for you;)
btw, how was dor yeshorim? (it was today, right?)
~a~
copied from page 61 of this thread for CNP. long discussion.
kapusta
Member
random question: I have a friend who is (literally) obsessed with psychology. She comes up with a term for everything. She is convinced that I dont open up to anyone (probably wants me to talk to her), and that I’m hurting myself. Actually shes right, (about the first part, way off on the second) but its working very well this way and I dont really have too much to talk about (that she could help me with). I have tried (repeatedly) to tell her that I am absolutely fine without her help but she refuses to take no for an answer and she continuously tells me to do something (which wont really help anything). Question, how do I explain to her that I work best when I dont discuss my life with people in a way that she’ll understand? She is very much into “talking, and getting things off your chest”.
Hope it wasn’t too confusing. Thanx in advance!
*kapusta*
o wow thanx! i was following but a drop confused bec i missed that post
as a txting qun, i wud say np! (mods, that would be no problem)
kapusta: Whatever works for you, If bieng too mean will just make you feel worse than her bothering you then its not worth it
Random question (got to ask it here since they wont post it on the appropriate thread): Why is the happy birthday thread only for hebrew (lunar) based birthdays?
aussie: to protect the identities of the members!
Jax: How does that protect the identities of the members?
#1 Identity Theft Protection-Keep your birthday secret. It’s PERSONAL information.
~a~
anonymisss: ok but you didn’t answer aussie’s question.
ya because only 1 person in the world has a birthday on may 8th or September 24? lol
anonymisss: Whats the diffrence if its your hebrew birthday or english birthday?
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